How much cash should I give?

togat

Hello.

Some friends are getting married. I don't know what to get them. They have not registered so I think that may mean they would like money. They already have a house and all that (been living in sin!).

I earn 32.5k, have about 4k in the bank, live with my parents, and have no assets to speak of.

What is an appropriate sum for me to give.

Also, what the best way? Do I give her a money envelope on the day like some Godfather extra, or in advance, or before, or what? Cash, bankers draft, ...?

Minefield!

bruce wayne

based on the wedding formula of your salary and savings, allowing for lack of assets your should give €50.

Your lucky as your lack of assets really brings down the amount, if you had a car or a house you could easily have had to pay €100.

The correct method for paying is to fold the note up tightly and have it pressed firming in the palm of your hand. That way as you leave the church you simply shake the grooms hand and exchange the note with a min of fuss....similar to how one would tip the bell boy in a top hotel.

good luck and enjoy the day

sharms

150euro minimum but 200 if ur actually good friends. call around to their house a week before and give them the card... definitely not on the wedding day it will be lost and they wont even remember you gave them anything

galah

you could also make a little effort and wrap the money nicely - my 'standard' gift is a little rosebush (or any other seasonal plant) to which I tie notes, folded up like petals or butterflies. Much nicer. Or a picture frame where you fold the money to make it look like a nice picture (try a palm tree, a deckchair, and a sunshade, for example) - for the honeymoon fund.

Or get a big syringe from the pharmacy (without the needle, obviously), and put the money in there - as "cash injection".

I hate money put in envelopes - it's so boring, uncreative, and lacks warmth. My opinion.

itsadeathtrap

this is a very contentious issue in these parts so be prepared for some crazy replays. the last thread got shut down.....

I feel that 100euro per couple or 50euro if you are on your own... place the money in a card...
dont fold it up into the palm of your hand like the last lad said....
but that would be funny if everyone did that it..

deffo would be a scene from the godfather.... enjoy your day....

egan2020

I've been told that 150 is the usual amount to give but I assume that that applies to a couple so if you are going on your own, you wouldn't have to give as much. I was also told that if you're a bridesmaid or groomsman that 250 is average.

togat

Thanks all for the replies.

My instinct was E150 so thats good.

ergo

sorry for bumping this but would appreciate more opinions

have been at a few weddings recently and for some reason I presumed €100 was the standard for a single person to give - the last wedding I was at the girl beside me mentioned how much she had given (not in an obnxious way now - just general chat and curiosity - I think it was closer to €200 - and she was on her own at the wedding :eek: as was I)

I just shrugged my shoulders, still felt fairly comfortable with my €100 contribution esp cos I think the last time I discussed this was with the bride and groom of that day at a previous wedding (if you know what I mean)

work and income wise, well most (including me) at this wedding would be young professionals but nobody rolling in it...

so €100 still ok?

PS: I have a car but no house - i think if I did have a house I should pay less as would be mortgage slave etc etc...just my opinion

ergo

bruce wayne wrote: »

The correct method for paying is to fold the note up tightly and have it pressed firming in the palm of your hand. That way as you leave the church you simply shake the grooms hand and exchange the note with a min of fuss....similar to how one would tip the bell boy in a top hotel.

lol

Enii

ergo wrote: »

sorry for bumping this but would appreciate more opinions

have been at a few weddings recently and for some reason I presumed €100 was the standard for a single person to give - the last wedding I was at the girl beside me mentioned how much she had given (not in an obnxious way now - just general chat and curiosity - I think it was closer to €200 - and she was on her own at the wedding :eek: as was I)

I just shrugged my shoulders, still felt fairly comfortable with my €100 contribution esp cos I think the last time I discussed this was with the bride and groom of that day at a previous wedding (if you know what I mean)

work and income wise, well most (including me) at this wedding would be young professionals but nobody rolling in it...

so €100 still ok?

PS: I have a car but no house - i think if I did have a house I should pay less as would be mortgage slave etc etc...just my opinion

100 euro is perfectly fine.

You were not invited to the wedding in order for the guests to get money from you. You were invited in order to celebrate their special day with them.

ergo

Enii wrote: »

100 euro is perfectly fine.

You were not invited to the wedding in order for the guests to get money from you. You were invited in order to celebrate their special day with them.

fair point.

I should mention that I'm not saying €50 isn't ok either, depending on the circumstances of the individual and those getting married

also I think you need to take into account if you've travelled a distance to get to the wedding, needed to pay extra for accom etc and if you've also been to the stag/hen, all at extra expense - it all gets very expensive just to attend a wedding (as I'm sure has been mentioned frequently on this forum that I visit highly infrequently!)

but I'm not overlooking your main point Enii - that is something we tend to lose sight of

fozzle

Wow, I got married a year ago and if any of our friends had given us 200 euro each I'd have died of mortification! Having had I think 10 weddings including my own over the last three years I'd say that the average is to cover the cost of your meal, so between 20 and 100 euro depending on the venue. Most couples will expect less if you've had a long journey to get there too.

What's a nice thing to make it seem like there's a bit more thought than just shoving a 50 into a card is to find out where they're going on honeymoon (if they're going away) and get the cash you're giving changed into the currency of wherever they're going. And yeah, please don't just slide it into the grooms hand, if nothing else it's safer to give to the best man or maid of honour - they'll probably have a safe place for gifts whereas the groom is going to be running around and would most likely loose it :-)

And if you're more comfortable giving a gift but they have no list, ask them if there's something they'd like - there might be one or two things they want but not enough to justify a list.

*edit* At the end of the day as someone else said, you're not invited for your money, it's because the couple want to share their special day with you so don't stress too much!

How Strange

ergo wrote: »

so €100 still ok?

IMO, €100 is a perfectly generous gift. If people gave us €100 presents for our wedding we'd be delighted.

PS: I have a car but no house - i think if I did have a house I should pay less as would be mortgage slave etc etc...just my opinion

This is a new element I was never aware of before. Do you have to make a declaration of income and expenditure before deciding on the appropriate amount of a monetary gift?

bangersandmash

Asking how much is the "correct" amount for a wedding gift seems to me like asking how long is a piece of string. Surely it depends on so many personal factors, not least the relationship with the couple.

But the idea that the amount can be calculated based on earnings, assets, mortgages etc. is more than a little bizarre.

togat wrote: »

I earn 32.5k, have about 4k in the bank, live with my parents, and have no assets to speak of.

ergo wrote: »

PS: I have a car but no house - i think if I did have a house I should pay less as would be mortgage slave etc etc...just my opinion

I've heard the phrase "wedding tax" used before in a tongue-in-cheek way. But this is the first time I've seen anyone assess an appropriate gift as if they were making a tax return :rolleyes:

ergo

bangersandmash wrote: »

Asking how much is the "correct" amount for a wedding gift seems to me like asking how long is a piece of string. Surely it depends on so many personal factors, not least the relationship with the couple.

But the idea that the amount can be calculated based on earnings, assets, mortgages etc. is more than a little bizarre.


I've heard the phrase "wedding tax" used before in a tongue-in-cheek way. But this is the first time I've seen anyone assess an appropriate gift as if they were making a tax return :rolleyes:

apologies for that, as it happens I was just doing my tax returns last week so maybe that was a factor


it had never occurred to me before that you could calculate the amount for gift based on assets etc. (though obviously being in a a couple at the wedding will increase your "liability" I suppose...!) but I was just following on from that idea and paraphrasing the 2nd poster in the thread and suggesting that, if you used this rationale, well imho having a house (and presumably being a mortgage slave) should reduce financial the expectations on you

Lollymcd

Hi guys, I need your opinion on this matter, my OH is going to be the grooms man of a very, very close friend, he was thinking of giving €300 from the two of us. Is this excessive? It's a figure he feels comfortable with but doesn't want to go too overboard. (He actually thought this was a bit low!!! Bless him!!!) We have travelling costs of €75 each and our hotel is €90. Can you advise?

Edit: Our combined income is €92k, savings of 10k and we own diddlysquat!

Toots

If that's what he's comfortable giving, €300 is a very generous gift. If you can afford it then go for it. If you can't, then give less.

Lollymcd

Thanks For your reply Toots*, just curious if this would be a "normal" amount in the circumstances (ie them being so close)

bangersandmash

Lollymcd wrote: »

Edit: Our combined income is €92k, savings of 10k and we own diddlysquat!

Is it just this thread, or is the idea of calculating an appropriate wedding gift based on salary, savings and assets really something people do? :eek:

Maglight

I always base it on the cost of the meal plus a present on top. So if two of you are going calculate how much the meal will cost for two and then add a present - €50 to €100 approx. So for two of you that would probably work out at about €150 to €200. €300 is very generous and is more likely to be the amount for a sibling or very close friend.

BC

I base it on how well I know the people and how much I would spend on a physical present. I think for a single person between 50 and 75 euro is loads depending on how close you are to them. Double that for a couple. It would never occur to me to base it on my salary!!!!!

Lollymcd

BC wrote: »

It would never occur to me to base it on my salary!!!!!

I know isn't it a mental idea, but a previous poster mentioned some "wedding tax formula" that you're supposed to use, never heard of it nor have I been able to find it! Thanks for your reply

bangersandmash

Lollymcd wrote: »

I know isn't it a mental idea, but a previous poster mentioned some "wedding tax formula" that you're supposed to use, never heard of it nor have I been able to find it!

It's an ancient Irish tradition, dating back to the creation of this thread

Toots

Lollymcd wrote: »

Thanks For your reply Toots*, just curious if this would be a "normal" amount in the circumstances (ie them being so close)

I think it really depends on the person TBH. I was bridesmaid for my fiance's sister, we gave 300 in US$ (they were honeymooning in New York), in Euro it cost us about 150. We would ideally have liked to give a bit more maybe €200 or €250, but we're very strapped for cash at the moment so that was literally all we could afford. If it was a friend's wedding, we'd probably give €100, if we could afford it. For siblings we'd give a bit more, but again it's dependent on our circumstances at the time.

dresstoimpress

:P A lot of close friends of ours have been married in the last year and we have given them all £200 plus a small meaningful gift >£50. As a rule I would always try to cover the costs of inviting us to the reception, would feel bad putting a couple into debt to feed us on their big day!
Only exception being when the OH was bestman, gave a painting, approx £450.

Lollymcd

dresstoimpress wrote: »

:P A lot of close friends of ours have been married in the last year and we have given them all £200 plus a small meaningful gift >£50. As a rule I would always try to cover the costs of inviting us to the reception, would feel bad putting a couple into debt to feed us on their big day!
Only exception being when the OH was bestman, gave a painting, approx £450.

Hi dresstoimpress, thank you for your reply, don't mean to sound pedantic but is that Sterling or Euro? I know that you've used the £ sign but just want to clarify totally!!! Sorry!

MissHoneyBun

The whole point of giving a gift is that is something contrbuted by you, at your discretion, not demanded by somebody else or determined by made up rules that people all follow like sheep.

You give whatever you can afford or feel like giving, end of story. If the couple are the type to assess people by their presents, then they're not worth giving to in the first place.

General Zod

I make a charity donation based on their interests.

I made a contribution in the name of my friend who loves dogs to the ISPCA kennels, and to another friend who has fundraised for Irish guide dogs for the blind, I made a donation there too.

I find the whole idea of a "standard amount of money" to give at a wedding to be a bit off.

dresstoimpress

Lollymcd wrote: »

Hi dresstoimpress, thank you for your reply, don't mean to sound pedantic but is that Sterling or Euro? I know that you've used the £ sign but just want to clarify totally!!! Sorry!

Euro, sorry! :rolleyes:

Lollymcd

MissHoneyBun wrote: »

If the couple are the type to assess people by their presents, then they're not worth giving to in the first place.

Thank you for your reply, sorry if I misled you to believe the above, I was just quering whether €300 was appropriate/too much! The couple are totally worth it, great friends and so close to my OH since he was a nipper (well mainly the groom obviously!!!) I wish we could give them more!

MissHoneyBun

Lollymcd wrote: »

Thank you for your reply, sorry if I misled you to believe the above, I was just quering whether €300 was appropriate/too much!

No worries, I wasn't replying to your post specifically as opposed to the topic in general and the OP:

togat wrote: »

Some friends are getting married. I don't know what to get them. They have not registered so I think that may mean they would like money.
What is an appropriate sum for me to give. Minefield!