married/maturer women & younger guys?

LegacyUser

hey folks, i am a 26 year old male who is getting married this Nov. I love my wife to be very much. but my dilemma is that i love older women (35-45) i find myself chatting on line for hours with them....

I try and find time in my day to look up women to chat to... its now come to a point where i have got really close to a person not too far where i am from... she is married but says she has a high sex drive and loves the chase of younger lads, she also attends swinging parties on a regular basis which i find totally out of this world....

I dont want to lose what i have as in my pending wedding but i cant stop this fantasy of maturer ladies.... do ye think i should confess my feelings to my Wife to be or cut that part of my life out completely?

Xiney

What you are doing is effectively emotionally cheating on your fiancée.

So either stop it completely or call off the wedding.

ManOfMystery

Agreed. Imagine your fiance was chatting to older men behind your back and feeling the same? I presume these chats are sex-related too and not innocent/friendly conversation.

A fantasy is just that - a fantasy. Your fiance is real and loves you enough to want to spend the rest of her life with you. This is a betrayal of her trust and I advise you to think long and hard about how you feel before getting married as you don't come across as feeling guilty at all about doing this behind your partner's back.

Oh The Humanity

You really don't sound ready to get married.

If you love your wife to be so much you would not want to do this. I call it cheating even at this stage but people will split hairs about that.

What are you doing?

Don't sleepwalk through life. Marriage is HUGE, its a commitment that means no more chats online, cybering or whatever you are doing with these women.

You are not showing your wife the whole of you. She doesn't know who you are, therefore you are misleading her by marrying her.

Its not fair on her.

If you're thinking you can keep it all from her, compartmentalise your life and your needs, well I am going to tell you it won't work. You will mess up sooner or later and your gf will find out.

Then what?

itsadeathtrap

I think the phase the grass is always greener on the other side, might be of use to you... I think you have built up an idea in your head of this fantasy women... if you go through with this it might not be what you expected it to be.... if you really love to OH then stop this and put the effort into your relationship, sooner rather then later you will be caught, and that "trust me" will bring a world of SH*T........

VaioCruiser

Unregistered wrote: »

hey folks, i am a 26 year old male who is getting married this Nov. I love my wife to be very much. but my dilemma is that i love older women (35-45) i find myself chatting on line for hours with them....

I try and find time in my day to look up women to chat to... its now come to a point where i have got really close to a person not too far where i am from... she is married but says she has a high sex drive and loves the chase of younger lads, she also attends swinging parties on a regular basis which i find totally out of this world....

I dont want to lose what i have as in my pending wedding but i cant stop this fantasy of maturer ladies.... do ye think i should confess my feelings to my Wife to be or cut that part of my life out completely?

Hi OP. Firstly keep your mouth shut. Secondly you are not cheating. You are confused and distracted by fantasies.

I agree with another posted who says that you are simply not ready to get married. Not yet. Not now. If you really love your GF you will do her the favour of putting it off. If you don't you will be misleading her and causing yourself a heck of a lot of messed up years that you will never ever get back.

All the best.

OS119

Hi OP,

you're like most young blokes, you've 'got a thing' for sophisticated, slightly glam women with more physical and emotional experience than you can shake a stick at. it's not kinky, its not wrong, and its entirely natural.

its an itch, and like most itches it probably needs scratching - this being the process by which you discover that the 'glam' sophisticated women are wearing fearsome tummy/arse/thigh control pants, take forever to look like they do and don't discuss philosophy and art before screwing you into unconciousness, but whine about the ex-hubby before leaving you unsatisfying 'mid-shot' to pick the kids up from school. this of course is unless you hook up with Carla Bruni.

personally, i'd suggest that this - and very particularly your 'contact' activities - is a sign that you aren't in a marriage 'place'. its nothing to do with maturity, or 'readiness', merely that you're not in a 'strictly monogamous, being with a partner roughly your own age place' at this stage of your life.

i think you should scratch those itches - because when you've got over the 'isn't it exciting that we're married' phase, and you've settled down into 'stretchy jogging pants infront of the Xfactor eating ice-cream and no longer shagging like duracell bunnies' phase, that itch could rear its ugly head and bite you - and more importantly your wife - in the arse.

put simply, you're settling down before your time. you could do the deed on the quiet, hoping that scratches the itch, you don't catch anything and guilt doesn't make you blab, but you'd have to be bloody sure that the itch was cured. however, my view is that if you've got one itch you're likely to have more, so do the decent thing, let your GF down gently (if such a thing is possible) and go and scratch to your hearts content. better that she gets hurt now than when she's put on 4 stone, got two kids and is in less of a position to recover.

LegacyUser

I am coming from the other side as a person who was cheated on in this way. My OH was doing the same, chatting online and casually meeting up with them behind my back. I found out (because it is a very small world!!). It broke my heart to think that he could be planning a future with me and doing that behind my back. He humiliated me.
Anyway .....he had his cake and ate it, so I left him. He has not left me alone since. Says it was the biggest mistake of his life and that he would do anything to have our relationship back and the funny thing is that i genuinely believe him.
I will never take him back though...... he ruined a really good relationship and put me through utter heartbreak. Because of him I will never trust again and I know for a fact that he cant move on from our break-up.
Your fiance deserves to know what is going on. She deserves so much more than this and should be allowed to move on with her life. It is utterly selfish to have your online relationships while she remains committed to you. Does she not deserve someone who can treat her well and love her unconditionally??

lovepink

Totally agree. Time to end it I think

LegacyUser

Unregistered wrote: »

I am coming from the other side as a person who was cheated on in this way. My OH was doing the same, chatting online and casually meeting up with them behind my back. I found out (because it is a very small world!!). It broke my heart to think that he could be planning a future with me and doing that behind my back. He humiliated me.
Anyway .....he had his cake and ate it, so I left him. He has not left me alone since. Says it was the biggest mistake of his life and that he would do anything to have our relationship back and the funny thing is that i genuinely believe him.
I will never take him back though...... he ruined a really good relationship and put me through utter heartbreak. Because of him I will never trust again and I know for a fact that he cant move on from our break-up.
Your fiance deserves to know what is going on. She deserves so much more than this and should be allowed to move on with her life. It is utterly selfish to have your online relationships while she remains committed to you. Does she not deserve someone who can treat her well and love her unconditionally??

Agree. No one deserves that level of disrespect. I feel so sorry for your unsuspecting fiance. Do her a big favour, tell her her the truth and if she has any sense she will end it straight away with you. Don't leave it until the day before the wedding or worse still after it.

LegacyUser

Unregistered wrote: »

I am coming from the other side as a person who was cheated on in this way. My OH was doing the same, chatting online and casually meeting up with them behind my back. I found out (because it is a very small world!!). It broke my heart to think that he could be planning a future with me and doing that behind my back. He humiliated me.
Anyway .....he had his cake and ate it, so I left him. He has not left me alone since. Says it was the biggest mistake of his life and that he would do anything to have our relationship back and the funny thing is that i genuinely believe him.
I will never take him back though...... he ruined a really good relationship and put me through utter heartbreak. Because of him I will never trust again and I know for a fact that he cant move on from our break-up.
Your fiance deserves to know what is going on. She deserves so much more than this and should be allowed to move on with her life. It is utterly selfish to have your online relationships while she remains committed to you. Does she not deserve someone who can treat her well and love her unconditionally??

I'm in the same boat, found out my boyfriend was chatting online to women, he actually couldnt accept that I found it to be an issue as to him it was only fantasy so he broke up with me. I am devestated....finding it very hard to know that I spent 2 years of my life with someone who was not honest. Anyway we are seperated 2 months (a lifetime to him obviously) as he is now with someone else and he is still at the same thing. She will be hurt the same way.

Consider what you are doing - you are basically ruining a relationship where your girlfriend is getting her heart set on an upcoming marriage!! Grow up and realise that people have feelings.... it is only when someone hurts yours that you will realise how hurt your girlfriend will be if you continue this behaviour

Liam Byrne

"maturer" ? Try using that (non-existent) word with them and see what reaction you'd get!

Unregistered wrote:

she is married but says she has a high sex drive and loves the chase of younger lads, she also says she attends swinging parties on a regular basis which i find totally out of this world....

Firstly, in my limited experience, loads of people say loads of things online....from "I'm thinking of doing XXXXX to you", to "I'm looking for someone genuine".....and they're not always telling the truth!

Secondly, online flirting with someone you've never met which involves sex-talk would include "I'll give you the best XXXXX you'll ever have"; might well be true, but could just as easily be a complete let-down.

And finally, do you want to head off with someone who's been at numerous swingers parties, shagging all round her ?

All of the above would be genuine doubts in isolation, separate from the fact that you're betraying someone you supposedly "love" (interesting that you used that word equally in relation to both your fiancé and older women).

Basically, you're not ready to get married. Do your fiancé a favour and - at least - postpone it.

But be careful what you wish for.