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I'm destroying my life, but can't seem to stop

  • 19-08-2009 1:54am
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Hi, I am in a desperate situation and really need some advice.

    I have created this situation myself probably subcontiously but I cant seem to stop and instead I am making it worse.

    I am quite depressed at the moment after losing my mother a couple of months ago. Now I feel I am in a situation that rather than asking for help I am just in self destruct mode.

    The thing is I am not self destructing with drink or drugs. I think if I was, people would recognise what is going on and hopefully they might help me.

    What I am doing though is much worse (in my opinion) and is much much more subtle.

    I have been with my fiance for 4 years. I have now kissed about 5 people behind his back. It has happened so many times. I love my partner and feel like killing myself after I do it but it is almost like I am punishing myself and sinking myself lower in to a depression. I dont know why I am doing this and I wish I could stop. I know if I ever got caught I would lose him forever which I couldnt deal with. Its just like I dont care about myself anymore and he is the one thing I have left and I am almost pushing him away?? Maybe I should break up with him until I sort my head out.

    Please please someone help me. I am desperate. I hate myself for what I have done. I really really hate myself. Why am I doing this. I really need help. Please dont just tell me to stop cheating. I wish it was that easy but its far more complex. It is like I do it because I know it hurts me and the next day I will be even worse.


Comments

  • #2
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    i think you should perhaps speak to a professional councillor or your GP. you sound quite depressed


  • #3
    itsadeathtrap
    Closed Accounts Posts: 46 ✭itsadeathtrap


    i was in a different but similar situation years back.... counselling helped me its a great way to get through underlining issues that effect how you react in situations day 2 day......

    deffo think counselling is the way to go..... Hubby to be can think that you are sorting out issues surrounding your mams passing - which you kind of are.... hope this helps and best of luck.....:D


  • #4
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    that is so so so so so sad.
    I'm so sorry that your lost your mother.
    I cannot imagine how hard it must be without her for you , and how hurt you must feel right now.

    If you love her now , as much as she loved you , you will stop, and think before you do something that you should not do again. Think of the kind of person she would want you to be. Of How she probably sacrificed so much for you and honor her by doing whats right for you!, and Honor her and celebrate that you are alive!

    Respect your self and make the right decisions for your life. x


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