Few More

Rufus.T.Firefly

A cowboy and a biker are on death row, and are to be executed on the same day.

The day comes, and they are brought to the gas chamber.

The warden asks the cowboy if he has a last request, to which the cowboy replies,

"Ah shore do, wardn.

Ahd be mighty grateful ifn yood play Achy Breaky Heart fur me bahfore ah hafta go."

"Sure enough, cowboy, we can do that," says the warden.

He turns to the biker,

"And you, biker,

what’s your last request?"


"Kill me first."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A seal walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink.

The bartender asks the seal,

"What's your pleasure?"

The seal replies,


"Anything but Canadian Club."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

What do George Michael and Wellington Boots have in common?


They both get sucked off in bogs.

Rufus.T.Firefly

The next time you are washing your hands and complain because the water
temperature isn't just how you like it, think about how things used to
be.

Here are some facts about the year of our Lord "Hagar" 1500:


They used to use urine to tan animal skins, so families used to all pee
in a pot & then once a day it was taken & sold to the tannery.......if
you had to do this to survive you were "Piss Poor"
But worse than that were the really poor folk who couldn't even afford
to buy a pot...........they "didn’t have a pot to piss in" and were the
lowest of the low.

Most people got married in June because they took their yearly bath in
May, and they still smelled pretty good by June. However, since they
were starting to smell. .. . Brides carried a bouquet of flowers to
hide the body odour. Hence the custom today of carrying a bouquet when
getting married.

Baths consisted of a big tub filled with hot water. The man of the house
had the privilege of the nice clean water, then all the other sons and
men, then the women and finally the children. Last of all the babies. By
then the water was so dirty you could actually lose someone in it. Hence
the saying, "Don't throw the baby out with the Bath water!"

Houses had thatched roofs-thick straw-piled high, with no wood
underneath. It was the only place for animals to get warm, so all the
cats and other small animals (mice, bugs) lived in the roof. When it
rained it became slippery and sometimes the animals would slip and fall
off the roof. Hence the saying "It's raining cats and dogs."

There was nothing to stop things from falling into the house. This posed
a real problem in the bedroom where bugs and other droppings could mess
up your nice clean bed. Hence, a bed with big posts and a sheet hung
over the top afforded some protection. That's how canopy beds came into
existence.

The floor was dirt. Only the wealthy had something other than dirt.
Hence the saying, "Dirt poor." The wealthy had slate floors that would
get slippery in the winter when wet, so they spread thresh (straw) on
floor to help keep their footing. As the winter wore on, they added more
thresh until, when you opened the door, it would all start slipping
outside. A piece of wood was placed in the entrance-way. Hence: a thresh
hold.

(Getting quite an education, aren't you?)

In those old days, they cooked in the kitchen with a big kettle that
always hung over the fire. Every day they lit the fire and added things
to the pot. They ate mostly vegetables and did not get much meat. They
would eat the stew for dinner, leaving leftovers in the pot to get cold
overnight and then start over the next day. Sometimes stew had food in
it that had been there for quite a while. Hence the rhyme: Peas porridge
hot, peas’ porridge cold, peas’ porridge in the pot nine days old.

Sometimes they could obtain pork, which made them feel quite special.
When visitors came over, they would hang up their bacon to show off. It
was a sign of wealth that a man could, "bring home the bacon." They
would cut off a little to share with guests and would all sit around and
chew the fat.

Those with money had plates made of pewter. Food with high acid content
caused some of the lead to leach onto the food, causing lead poisoning
death. This happened most often with tomatoes, so for the next 400 years
or so, tomatoes were considered poisonous.

Bread was divided according to status. Workers got the burnt bottom of
the loaf, the family got the middle, and guests got the top, or the
upper crust.

Lead cups were used to drink ale or whisky. The combination would
sometimes knock the imbibers out for a couple of days. Someone walking
along the road would take them for dead and prepare them for burial.
They were laid out on the kitchen table for a couple of days and the
family would gather around and eat and drink and wait and see if they
would wake up. Hence the custom of holding a wake.

England is old and small and the local folks started running out of
places to bury people. So they would dig up coffins and would take the
bones to a bone-house, and reuse the grave. When reopening these
coffins, 1 out of 25 coffins were found to have scratch marks on the
inside and they realized they had been burying people alive. So they
would tie a string on the wrist of the corpse, lead it through the
coffin and up through the ground and tie it to a bell. Someone would
have to sit out in the graveyard all night (the graveyard shift.) to
listen for the bell; thus, someone could be, saved by the bell or was
considered a dead ringer...

And that's the truth...Now, whoever said History was boring!! !

So . . . get out there and educate someone!

Have some stars:D

patmac

That shurr was inneresing padner!

Rufus.T.Firefly

patmac wrote: »

That shurr was inneresing padner!

Homer

One Sunday, a cowboy went to church. When he entered, he saw that he and the preacher were the only ones present. The preacher asked the cowboy if he wanted him to go ahead and preach.

The cowboy said, "I'm not too smart, but if I went to feed my cattle and only one showed up, I'd feed him."

So the minister began his sermon.

One hour passed, then two hours, then two-and-a-half hours. The preacher finally finished and came down to ask the cowboy how he had liked the sermon.

The cowboy answered slowly, "Well, I'm not very smart, but if I went to feed my cattle and only one showed up, I sure wouldn't feed him all the hay."

ciaburkie

lol@Homer