forgotten who i am.

LegacyUser

I've been in a relationship with my wife for 5 years. we now have an 8 month old son. ive only been in ireland for 3 and a half years (Im from the southern hemisphere). But lately going through some of our old memoir boxes Im realising that Im not who i used to be. further, i haven't grown nor developed. This has been a pretty shocking revelation for me, though i don't think the same can be said for my wife, or, others who know me. I do love my wife and having my family but Im a faded version of myself, and even 5 years ago I knew there was room for improvement.

I guess with our anniversary and my wife's birthday coming up I can see my expressions of love have faded big time. This of course is interpreted by my wife as me not caring and not wanting to be in this relationship. But that's not the case. True, i barely know myself, but surely its not that hard to get off your but to do something nice? why i am finding this so hard? anyone else got similar experiences?

VaioCruiser

Hi OP.
I don't usually jump to conclusions but it sounds to me like you are depressed. I really think you should talk to someone.

All the best

pearljamfan

id say most people do change alot in 5 years, be it good or bad, i know i have, its hard moving to a different country as well- ive been here 7 yrs and was full of ideas when i moved here, i was going to see all of ireland, do some courses, learn to drive- but money, work and trying to just live gets in the way sometimes, i wouldnt jump to the idea of depression.. having a baby makes u look at your life and much as u adore them it is a stress and a big change, theres noone i love more than my son so its kinda like i cant love anyone else-hard 2 explain! and looking back at old times makes u think as well, i think maybe youve just given yourself that kick up the butt by realising all this + now its time to talk to ure wife about it too. i dont have any real advice just i understand what ure feeling,but try to talk and maybe go away 4 the weekend and have some fun.:)

iguana

Unregistered wrote: »

Im realising that Im not who i used to be. further, i haven't grown nor developed.

What exactly is shocking you so much? It's natural to change dramatically over 5 years and of course you've grown and developed. You've become a parent, which is one of the biggest developments anyone can experience.

It sounds to me as if what you are actually feeling is that you have lost certain aspects of your life that you really enjoyed. Some of that it is inevitable as we grow older and take on new responsibilities- especially if we emigrate, but some things are lost because we stop making time for them. I suggest you make some time to do some of the things you love or learn something you've always wanted to learn.

LegacyUser

I don't think you're the first person to look back on some photos/memories and think 'jesus, where did the last 5 years go, and where did I disappear to in that time?'. I'd say you've gotten into a routine and a monotony, and living life in a never altering pattern every day. That is not going to stimulate any personal growth, but it will make the years tick by in a blink. The good news is you have woken up to the fact that something is missing or passing you by.

This is a perfect opportunity to get back into a hobby that you let slip away, or start something you always wanted to do. Including your wife or kids in some way will make them part of your new chapter. One way or the other, use this recent revelation to get moving and make some changes. I'll bet you'll be a lot happier for it a few months down the line.