Future inlaws issue

LegacyUser

hi there,
i have an issue with my parents in law. basically im due to get married soon like in (3months) and we built a house beside his parents. his mum and dad dont speak to each other they still live in the one house, separate beds they fell out years ago and have not talked since even though they have 4 kids who really tried in vain to get them to build a bridge!
anyway im marrying the oldest son who has lived at home all his life, and with this situation for the past ten years. he is the only one living at home. the rest of the kids are all away. (come hom ethe odd wkend but are for the most part away doing there own thing in other counties about 2 hours away)

basically the dad got me on my own last wkend and basically broke down crying about how he was going to manage when my H2B moves out and in with me.
kept saying i cant stay here on my own with her and ill be lonely. (dad is 76 and mum is 72) he drives she doesnt.

so now im worried what can we do? our house is nearly finished (its five minutes walk away from parents in law) and we will be moving into it in about a months time. im worried we will not be left to ourselves. were together 6 years so have waited along time to be on our own. the house is going on the last 18 months and neither parent said anything!
we did toy with the idea of building a granny flat for them and us renovating the home house but they down speak so we wud have had to build omn two granny flats! (plus fmil and i dont really get on that well, shes its a my house my rules type of person) and even intterfererd alot with us building the house! my H2B had to tell her its OUR house! and butt out in a nice way.

H2B isnt worried and says they will be fine (alot of presure on him as hes the only one at home) i told him what happened and he says we will talk about it but really what are our options here? how can we make this transition work for all involved?
by the way the mother is not a very nice person keeps putting me down saying he son wud be better off without me!

thanks for reading i would appreciate any advice!

Trixielicious

Not wonder the husband doesn't talk to her. I think you should suggest a family discussion with all of your h2b's siblings to discuss the situation. Unfortunately it is their parents and you can only offer advice. You should be entitled to have your time alone in your new home.

wexford202

My inlaws are almost in them same situation but to be honest with you it is not up to you to keep them entertained and happy.

The wouldn't have lasted for more than 5 minutes if your H2B wasn't there so that is the one and only reason they are still together.

I would maybe speak to your father in law and mother in law with your fiancee an say that your man has played the peace keeper role for long enough and that he is getting married and ye will one day want your own fa,mily. That is they are not going to be happy under the one roof sell up and buy two aprtmenrs or rent somewhere seperate to each other.

At the end of the day they have not set a great example to both you and your fiancee who are looking to spend the rest of your lives together.

VaioCruiser

Hi OP.

In my book when it comes to inlaws issues - you need to look to your husband to sort it out. It is his family and his responsibility.

Before you agreed to get married and now .. before you do get married, you need to sit him down and let it all out. Put it all on the table and tell him that this is not something you want to have to take on board. You are not marrying his family and he needs to take care of it.
If you don't you will have 5 or 10 years of high anxiety, high stress living, and huge pressure on your marriage.

All the best.

LegacyUser

hi all,
thank you so much for all that advice. me and H2B sat down last week and we had a great talk, there was alot of tears and i siad things that had bothered me for a long time some of which he knew nothing about,
so his plan is when we move out to see how things go and if they are coming up to us alot unannounced he is going to have a chat with both of them seperatly, I honestly dont think he knew what was going on in my head and didnt see a problem,
when we were talking the subject of bills came up and my H2B answer took me back abit.
Basically since he has been living with his parents (both on pension) h2b has been paying the phone, electric and turf bills, house insurance the other 3 brothers contribute nothing, he thinks this i fine since the house is left to him and he was staying there rent free.
but now that he will be moving out and we will have our own bills do you think its fair that H2B should still pay all these bills?
i presumed that either one the parents woudl start paying there own bills again or two that the other 3 sons would atlease help H2B to pay the electric and phone? as these are sevices used buy there parents now and no longer by H2B?
there is a farm at the home house so obiviously my H2B wud have to pay for the running cost of that but it mean to ask the other 3 to contribute?.
how this came up is two od the sones arrivew home every 2nd wkend with a big bag of clothes to wash and of course tumble dry with H2B pays for?
not fair in my opioin there all working!

thanks again for the pearls of wisdom alot of points raised here gave me great confidence when talking to H2B!

Back to top

wexford202

You can put a check meter on the farms esb so you will know exactly how much it costs.

I would say to his parents in passing more so than sit them down that they know they will have to pay thir own bills as your h2b cannot afford the running costs of two homes eventhough he is very gratefuk that his parents are leaving him the house.

I am glad ye had the talk though. You can start to look forward to your big day now.

Aren't electric and phone subsidized for Pensioners?
Your OH has a point. He has lived rent free for a LONG time in his parents place. I presume you have got a free site. And he is inheriting the place.

I wouldnt go falling out with people over a bit of tumble drying, If I was in your circumstances.

LegacyUser

If your in laws will be living on their own from now on, as pensioners they will be entitled to free phones & ESB, so they should make sure they get this. They didnt qualify up to now because your OH was living with them.