Few mixed ones

GAAman

Always wear clean underwear in public, especially when working under

your vehicle.











From the Daily Star comes this story of a couple who drove their car

to Asda, only to have their car break down in the car park.











The man told his wife to carry on with the shopping while he fixed the

car.











The wife returned later to see a small group of people near the car.











On closer inspection, she saw a pair of hairy legs protruding from

under the chassis.











Unfortunately, although the man was in shorts, his lack of underpants

turned his private parts into glaringly public ones.











Unable to stand the embarrassment, she dutifully stepped forward,

quickly put her hand UP his shorts, and tucked everything back into place.











On regaining her feet, she looked across the bonnet and found herself

staring at her husband who was standing idly by.











The off duty AA mechanic who stopped to lend a hand however, had to have three stitches in his forehead.

_________________________________________________________________


Four married guys go fishing. After about an hour, the following
> conversation took place:
>
> First guy: 'You have no idea what I had to do to be able to come out
> fishing this weekend. I had to promise my wife that I would paint every
> room in the house next weekend.'
>
> Second guy: 'That is nothing, I had to promise my wife that I would build
> her a new deck for the pool.'
>
> Third guy: 'Man, you both have it easy! I had to promise my wife that I
> would remodel the kitchen for her.'
>
> They continue to fish. When they realized that the fourth guy has not said
> a word, they asked him. 'You haven't said anything about what you had to
> do to be able to come fishing this weekend. What's the deal?'
>
> Fourth guy: 'I just set my alarm for 5:3 0 am. When it went off, I shut off
> my alarm, gave the wife a slap on her butt and said:
>
> 'Fishing or Sex?' and
> she said: 'Wear sun-block.'

________________________________________________________________

Three blondes were walking through the forest when they came upon a set of tracks.
The first blonde said, "those are elk tracks". The second blonde said, "no these are deer tracks". The third said, "you're both wrong, these are moose tracks"

the blondes were still arguing when the train hit them.

________________________________________________________________

Old Age Golf...... unfortunately too true!



Arthur is 90 years old. He's played golf every day since his

retirement 25 years ago.



One day he arrives home looking downcast. "That's it," he tells his

wife.



I'm giving up golf. My eyesight has gotten so bad... once I've hit the

ball, I can't see where it went."



His wife sympathizes. As they sit down, she has a suggestion: "Why

don't you take my brother with you, and give it one more try."



"That's no good," sighs Arthur. "Your brother is a hundred and three.

He can't help."



"He may be a hundred and three," says the wife, "but his eyesight is

perfect."



So the next day, Arthur heads off to the golf course with his

brother-in-law.



He tees up; takes an almighty swing; .... and squints down the

fairway. He turns to the brother-in-law. "Did you see the ball?"





"Of course I did!", says the brother-in-law. "I have perfect

eyesight."











"Where did it go?", asks Arthur.
















"Can't remember." :D

Rufus.T.Firefly

Superb M8ty

ciaburkie

lol