Wife depressed, what to do?

LegacyUser

I'm a newly wed, got married in June this year. My wife suffers with depression, although it's yet to be officially diagnosed, appointment with physcharist in Sept. Her 10 yr old cousin passed away in Dec. 07, he had cerebal palsy and was a major blow to the whole family. That triggered it off, 2008 was a very difficult year for us, we lived together then (and still do). She missed a lot of work. Her job were understanding and have given her support. Her jobs sick leave scheme is done in stages, so many days sick and you're onto the next stage etc., the final stage she's out, so far she hasn't got to the final stage. Towards the end of last year she was back at work, they gave her part time hours to help her and it did. After a few months she went back full time and found it fine. She rang in sick a few times, she suffers with migraines too and does be out of work with the migraine. She takes an awful lot of solpadeine (8-10 a day on average). I do wonder sometimes is this the cause of the migraine, that much solpadeine can't be good for her! She was on anti-depressants last year but came off then earlier this year cos she didn't really feel the need for them when she was back at work and felt ok. Since we got married in June she's been feeling more and more depressed again, it's not just about her cousin, she's overweight and comforts eat to make herself feel better but it's a vicious circle. She's back on anti-depressants. We don't go out to the pub and mostly stay in at weekends with a DVD, we enjoy that. We don't do any activities, I'm always trying to get to her so something like a sport but she doesn't have any motivation, I guess that comes with depression?? I'm very worried about her job. There's only so much her job will take, I'm surprised she's lasted this long. I pay the mortgage so that's ok but we have a car loan, there's no way we can afford that if she loses her job. I want to support her but it's very difficult when she's so negative about things all the time. I'm hoping the appointment with the physcharist will be the start of something but I don't want to hold me breath.
Has anyone else been through a similar experience? What can I do? It's a lot of pressure on our new marriage.
Thank you for reading!

J Peterman

Wow, that sounds like a tough situation. It sounds like you're dealing with this in a supportive manner though, and good 'onya for that.
Two thoughts:
1 - She needs professional help, which it sounds like she is moving towards. If she ever gets to the "final stage of sick leave" or whatever, she should ramp up her plans.

2 - 8-10 solpadiene a day? That needs to stop, like yesterday. I (and probably many others) could tell you some anecdotal "mate of mine" stories about people who took too much solpadine and how they hurt themselves, but you know yourself that this is abuse and is terrible for her.

Nevyn

That sounds like she may have a codine addiction, I woudl suggest tlaking with her dr and seeing if she can be gotten into some sort of talk therphy as well as just taking meds.

Beruthiel

Unregistered wrote: »

She takes an awful lot of solpadeine (8-10 a day on average). I do wonder sometimes is this the cause of the migraine

This rings alarm bells for me.
Are you aware that solpadeine contains Codeine, which can be addictive.

I used to suffer from a lot of headaches.
I took solpadeine until I noticed that I'd wake up with a groggy head and only another solpadeine would relieve it. I stopped taking it immediately.
To take that amount each day is dangerous imo. It won't do her liver any good either.
The body just cannot process that amout of drugs on a daily basis without it causing some kind of harm.

Has see been to the doctor over this?
If not, I would encourage her to do so asap.

btw - does she smoke by any chance?
I ask because I stopped smoking last Easter and the amount of headaches I get has dropped drastically. That was a big surprise to me.

The lack of motivation does come with depression, hopefully the professional she is going to see in Sept. will help her with this.

It's a rough time for you and well done for trying to help her out. Stay strong.

LegacyUser

Many thanks for the replies so far.
A few years ago her doctor suggested that she go on metadone(sp?) to help her solpadeine addiction but I was strongly against it and she never went on it. She weined herself off them and was doing well but went back on them a couple of years ago. Would it be possible that solpadeine causes depression? She doesn't smoke and never has done. I'm hoping the specialist will help her with this addiction too as well as the depression. I just want her well. We were hoping to start a family, I long for kids but under the current circumstances I don't know if it's such a good idea?? I'd rather she was happy before that happened.

Nevyn

The codine makes everything soft around the edges and numbs a person so tht really they don't think or care or feel as much and it is phyically addictive as well as the mental and emotional addiction. It is in the opiate family, that amount of codeine everyday is quiet harmful.

If she is prone to depression she could well end up with post natal depression, she really needs to get the proper help to start dealing with the root issues which have her depressed the codeine abuse is a symptom as much as alcohol abuse.

and what about help for yourself?
Aware run support meetings for family members who are dealing with loved ones who have depression.

http://www.aware.ie/index.htm

RossFixxxed

Well first off she has a caring husband who's investigating how to help. That is MASSIVE! Fair play man you can make a great difference.

Just a few things:

Only SHE can change it at the end of the day.

I do not envy you but you really do need to sit her down and be absolutely frank about this. Not judgemental, or harsh or angry. Just 100% honest about the situation.

Tell her there is a lot of help out there (there is, there's even me!) There is ways to fix this and you will be there every step of the way to help out. Tell her how nice it would be to start doing fun things together etc, emphasise the good things.

Guage the reaction!


Sometimes people need a bit of a (metaphorical) yank out of their situation, so you may encounter a lot of resistance or anger initailly.

It's a tough one man, but props for asking for advice already. Check the sticky at the top of the page for great links, and some are posted above me. This happens a lot of people and it's great to know that and that there are people there with a support system!

R