Was I wrong?

LegacyUser

So in the last three weeks myself and himself have been having problems, and we got into a massive row last week, where he said some hurtful things. I gave him space for the weekend and he sent me a txt last nite asking if I was ok. I said that I think we needed to have a chat, and then he said if I want to break up I should tell him now, I then replied with I'm not sure. And I've heard nothing since from him, despite sending another txt.

I'm more than a little annoyed to be honest. I'm not sure if I do want us to break up, but the way he's acting right now, it's infuriating.

Any ideas? Was I wrong to say "we need to talk"?

omahaid

Not saying you were wrong but if I heard "I'm not sure" in response to the question "do you want to break up" I would interpret that as "yes". I would consider the relationship over. I think you're either in or out, not half way. Although if ye were having a lot of problems and weren't sorting them out then maybe its not a bad thing?

Beetlebum

You both sound way too immature to even be in a relationship Jesus Christ.
If you wanted to talk to him then mayeb you should have phoned him up instead of texting. Grow up an decide what you want then speak to him face to face. What is wrong with some people. Jesus.

RossFixxxed

Beetlebum wrote: »

You both sound way too immature to even be in a relationship Jesus Christ.
If you wanted to talk to him then mayeb you should have phoned him up instead of texting. Grow up an decide what you want then speak to him face to face. What is wrong with some people. Jesus.

Ouch! But yeah, the amount of issues that could be helped greatly but sitting down and talking like two adults is staggering.

Don't text, dont' email, don't facebook. Just talk to the guy. Frankly you seem to want out, and the fact that breaking up is on both minds isn't great. Maybe spend some time growing up and learning to chat in real life....

Beruthiel

confusedgf wrote: »

he sent me a txt last nite asking if I was ok.

And I've heard nothing since from him, despite sending another txt.

Only 12 year olds conduct 'relationships' via text.
Grown ups look each other in the eye and have an actual, meanful conversation.

I'm more than a little annoyed to be honest. I'm not sure if I do want us to break up, but the way he's acting right now, it's infuriating.

There's a pair of ye in it.
Beetlebum is correct, neither of ye sound mature enough to be in a relationship.

Nerin

While i agree with the advice to chat face to face,i find it a little rude to call them immature because they are communicating mostly through text or email or whatever.
We don't know if they in a long distance relationship or are simply to busy to see eachother.

Beruthiel

Nerin wrote: »

We don't know if they in a long distance relationship or are simply to busy to see eachother.

Then you pick up the phone and talk.
It is not possible to have any kind of meanful conversation via text.

RossFixxxed

Nerin wrote: »

While i agree with the advice to chat face to face,i find it a little rude to call them immature because they are communicating mostly through text or email or whatever.
We don't know if they in a long distance relationship or are simply to busy to see eachother.

Well at least make a call. If they are too busy to have a frank talk in a relationship.... well then!

And if it is THAT important... then really they should work out a way to talk about this not texting.

Nerin

Beruthiel wrote: »

Then you pick up the phone and talk.
It is not possible to have any kind of meanful conversation via text.

While i'm sure this would be an interesting debate on humanities,i don't see how its helpful to the op.

Some people need to use different tech to communicate. When i was a broke teenager it helped a lot. I don't think coverall statements like that are correct.

Different strokes.
I still agree op needs to talk to their partner asap,and think whether they want this relationship or not. They sound very doubtful.

Beruthiel

Nerin wrote: »

While i'm sure this would be an interesting debate on humanities, i don't see how its helpful to the op.

Suggesting to the OP that talking to her b/f instead of texting is not helpful?
Maybe you need to read the OP's comments.
They are not communicating because they are not talking to each other. Hence she needs to stop texting and call/meet up with him.
How is that not helpful to suggest and what's with the uncalled for suggestion on taking it to Humanities?

Some people need to use different tech to communicate. When i was a broke teenager it helped a lot.

Exactly. Teenagers.

Nerin

Beruthiel wrote: »

Suggesting to the OP that talking to her b/f instead of texting is not helpful?
Maybe you need to read the OP's comments.
They are not communicating because they are not talking to each other. Hence she needs to stop texting and call/meet up with him.
How is that not helpful to suggest and what's with the uncalled for suggestion on taking it to Humanities?



Exactly. Teenagers.

I have read the ops comments. I'm not going to take this off topic further,pm me if you wish.

I'm tagging out of this one as i've said my piece,the op has the free will to choose what advice they think suits them best.

RossFixxxed

Nerin wrote: »

I have read the ops comments. I'm not going to take this off topic further,pm me if you wish.

I'm tagging out of this one as i've said my piece,the op has the free will to choose what advice they think suits them best.

You haven't given different advice, you've just gone on about texts etc, and then agreed they should talk?

Do A not B, but then do B also?


Talk to each other OP or just let it go... If it's worth the fight then go for it, if not then put the stone down.

LegacyUser

Hi everyone OP here, thanks for the replies however harsh some may have been. The reason why I didn't call him was I've laryngitis at the minute and can hardly talk, and didn't want to aggrevate it any more than necessary. I haven't heard from him today so I can only assume he's shocked and annoyed at this. So I'm just going to wait and see how it goes.

Wibbs

Nerin wrote: »

While i agree with the advice to chat face to face,i find it a little rude to call them immature because they are communicating mostly through text or email or whatever.
We don't know if they in a long distance relationship or are simply to busy to see eachother.

I agree 100%. The "immature" card most of the time is lazy and about as useful as a chocolate teapot. It's up there with "just be yourself" or "pull yourself together" as a guideline to moving forward in a situation that requires more than lazy answers.

Texts, email, msn whatever are just other means of communication. End of.

Indeed in times of high emotion on both sides, the written word can often be a better starting point to further communication. It can give people the chance to resolve their thoughts into something more direct, without the other person jumping in halfway, or too many stray emotions been thrown around. I fully agree that a short text can often not convey what needs to be conveyed and can be misconstrued. Of course. No disagreement there, but so can a phonecall, even face to face the wrong words spoken at the wrong time can kick off nastiness.

It's not always immature, just because some don't consider it useful, or think it's just for "teenagers". People differ and so do different generations. I would accept that others may be more into texting and others not. I've had meaningful dialogue through the medium of emails, MSN, letters and yes even texts at times. I can think of one very successful couple who conducted much of their early relationship through email and msn and txts and they weren't long distance. It was an addition to their face to face and phone interactions(they're both in their late 30's so hardly techy emo kids either).

IMHO OP while you can take on board the immature comments, I wouldn't personally put that much focus on that aspect. There are precious few fully emotionally "mature" people out there, myself included. They just think they are, myself included. You had an argument. Things were said, on both sides. Things that need to be dealt with, acknowledged and hopefully fixed and moved on from.

You have to figure out how and what works best for you. Firstly, try and figure out in your own head why these fights have started. What is underlying them? Are there external or internal pressures on the relationship? Has something changed in you with your feelings towards your partner? Do you want this relationship to continue and grow? That sort of stuff. Basically get your thoughts together kinda thing. Maybe write these things down on a sheet of paper to get them clear in your own head. That may help get some distance from the emotions too.

Then have a think about what you think he may be thinking. Get that down on paper too. He's possibly if not probably not thinking these things, but it may prove useful to see where you're coming from.

When you get to that stage, then try and sit down together to put flesh on the bones of this. Listen to him. Let him talk, don't jump in and you'll probably be tempted;). Make sure in a nice way he does the same for you.

If you have difficulty speaking he'll know this, so maybe if you're both msners then try it that way, or explain in an email how you feel. Hopefully you'll feel well enough soon to be able to just chat face to face. Good luck anyway.