I'm just lost...

LegacyUser

I just need a little advice please

Long story short I've always been lucky enough to live a very sheltered life. Never lost anyone close to me or had them injured in any form of random attack. I'd hear about horrible things happening on the radio or in the news but because i'd never been directly affected by them they just seemed a little distant. That's not to say i didn't care about the bad things that happen in the world! It's just they never really hit me deeply.

Well i don't know how many of you heard about the stabbings in bray?

Well I was with my best friend when he got the phone call to say his close friend Jen had been attacked. I had to comfort him while he went into shock (but what can you say to someone when something like that happens). That night I go so upset and scared by the whole situation, that that kind of thing can happen out of no where just 10 minutes walk from where i live.


The next day I find out that the attacker (who also died at the scene) was a guy who i used to work with. There's a story there but i don't want to go into it, but lets just say that even though he wasn't a direct friend, it's winded me.

Now please don't think that i'm cashing in on other peoples pain. I'm really not, i'm heartbroken for the families involved and my prayers are with them everyday.


My point is that I just find that my sheltered world has been shattered and suddenly the world isn't such a nice place. I know everyone goes through this at one stage, but it's just really caught me.
Right now I see no good in the world.
I want to talk to my friends about this but they've been so shook by the attack I feel selfish.
Please, just tell me i'm not a horrible person for thinking of myself. I just can't pull myself out of this

MistressPandora

You may still be in shock due to the fact that it happened so close to home and to your friends. This will take a little time to get over but it will happen.

You say you led a sheltered life before the attack. Sadly bad things happen and sooner or later, everyone gets affected. There is a plus side though, good things also happen. It's up to people like you and me to ensure this happens.

Your friends may need some help and talking to. I recommend letting them say what they need to say in full first (they may need to get it off their chest) then maybe (if the situation is right) saying how you feel. What they really need now is a friend who will listen and understands how they feel.

I don't think you're a horrible person, just a bit shaken and not sure of how to deal with shock.

LegacyUser

Unregistered wrote: »

I just need a little advice please

Long story short I've always been lucky enough to live a very sheltered life. Never lost anyone close to me or had them injured in any form of random attack. I'd hear about horrible things happening on the radio or in the news but because i'd never been directly affected by them they just seemed a little distant. That's not to say i didn't care about the bad things that happen in the world! It's just they never really hit me deeply.

Well i don't know how many of you heard about the stabbings in bray?

Well I was with my best friend when he got the phone call to say his close friend Jen had been attacked. I had to comfort him while he went into shock (but what can you say to someone when something like that happens). That night I go so upset and scared by the whole situation, that that kind of thing can happen out of no where just 10 minutes walk from where i live.


The next day I find out that the attacker (who also died at the scene) was a guy who i used to work with. There's a story there but i don't want to go into it, but lets just say that even though he wasn't a direct friend, it's winded me.

Now please don't think that i'm cashing in on other peoples pain. I'm really not, i'm heartbroken for the families involved and my prayers are with them everyday.


My point is that I just find that my sheltered world has been shattered and suddenly the world isn't such a nice place. I know everyone goes through this at one stage, but it's just really caught me.
Right now I see no good in the world.
I want to talk to my friends about this but they've been so shook by the attack I feel selfish.
Please, just tell me i'm not a horrible person for thinking of myself. I just can't pull myself out of this

You're not being selfish at all. Its pretty shocking when something like that happens. I'm going through it myself at the moment. My friend was drowned on Saturday. We were at a wedding on Friday, laughing and joking, having great craic. When I got up the next day I was told about the accident. I'm just back from the funeral, and it was really tough. Seeing the family's grief put mine in perspective. He was the first friend of mine to die, and its shattered my sheltered little world too. I think its something we all have to go through at some stage. Just be aware that you're not alone, other people are hurting too.
Its good to talk, and talking about it doesn't make you selfish. I'd encourage you to talk to whoever you can about your feelings, my gf has been a rock the last few days.

LegacyUser

Hi OP

I know exactly how you feel, a lot of my friends were involved both directly and indirectly in that incident. I think it's so harrowing because those guys were very very normal people,and one of them it seemed just happened to snap.

I know this is affecting people who knew them really well(obviously) and people who barely knew them particularly badly. A lot of people have been having trouble coping and my suggestion would be for yourself to go talk about it to someone a counsellor, for both you and your friend.especially if you've never lost someone close. It was very violent aswell which I think is upsetting people the most.

It's a horrible situation especially as the guy who was killed was a wonderfull,funny,loving person who didn't deserve any of this. If it's effecting you go seek help. Any kind of death especially a violent one like that is really traumatic. Don't feel selfish. Even if someone didn't know them I wouldn't call them selfish for being upset by this.
Of course you seeing your friends so torn up about this is going to distress you more so please don't feel selfish

hope that helps

tbh

your whole world has been, literally, upset. Your frame of reference has changed. It's normal to freak out a little, but it'll pass, don't worry. My sympathies on the loss of your friends, very sad story.

LegacyUser

Op here,
Thanks everyone for your support and kind words, it really means more than you can imagine.
I'm feeling better today, think it's sunk in more. I want to be strong for my friends and really be there for them so i'm going to focus on that and hope everything else just works out okay.
But thank you for listening to me, i feel a thousand times better after just saying what was on my mind.
Thank you x

beks101

Hi OP,

This was a terrible, devastating, inexplicable tragedy and it's impossible to align it with any sense of natural order. I'm one of those strangers who knew none of the parties, but was deeply upset by it, so don't feel bad or unjustified in feeling the way you do.

I don't think it's possible to find sense in these things but with time, they sink in, and all you can do is be patient and be the best friend you can be. Just be there for your friend through the grieving process, unconditionally, and I think it's important to let everything out in the open, don't bottle up.

I'll be honest, I spent a day reading up on this case in work (journalist) and walked home thinking about all the things I have to be grateful for. Things I take for granted on a daily basis...we all do it, but if you take anything from this, remember how short life is and to tell everyone you love how important they are to you.

All the best x