I need constant reassurance

LegacyUser

Hi there loyal Boards posters.

I was wondering if anyone could give me some advice here. My PI is that, as the title says, I need constant reassurance and I seek out the approval of everyone. I know it doesn't sound like a problem and when everything is fine it's not a problem but that's rarely the case because I never think everything is fine, whereas it most likely is.

I always think that people (friends / family) are complaining about me and I'm not good enough for them. I always think that I've offended someone in some way. I've been told by family members on various occasions that I shouldn't think like that and I've been told by friends too that it was ridiculous to think like that and infact one friend was very offended.

I'm sorry if this sounds silly but it's a genuine problem for me and it gets me down a lot, an awful lot. Does anyone have any ideas about how to get over this? Is it an issue with lack of confidence / self-esteem? Any comments would be most appreciated.

VaioCruiser

Hi OP.

I believe that this kind of feeling is something we acquire from our parents ... our Mother or Father. Could it be that your Mother or Father did not support you properly ? that you never seemed to satisfy them ?
I may be way off target here ... but that is a major cause of this kind of feeling.
What do you think ?

(I have a somewhat related thing that I got from my father... so I have some insight here..)

All the best

LegacyUser

My mother died when I was quite young so there wasn't much of a relationship there (well not that I remember of anyway). My father was and has always been very good to me.

It comes back to the fact that I think I'm not good enough for people and the only reason that they're still bothering with me is because it'd be too much trouble to get rid of me... Like I'm a burden. I know myself I can be a pain in the arse sometimes but I'm trying to be nicer.

Thanks for the reply.

LegacyUser

This is a clear symptom of low self confidence, it does generally relate somehow back to childhood or an earlier experience in your life. I have suffered the same symptoms and as you say you are trying to be nicer, maybe you are nice enough as you are, maybe you dont need to try to do anything, you just need to be. Trying to please, is a common symptom of low self asteem. If you were confident enough in yourself you wouldnt feel the need to try. I recommend you go for some counselling, you may find the reason for this feeling by talking with these professionals. I am the very same as you and feel people are judging me all of the time, problem is, its me judging me and not always other people. I found my answer as to why I feel the way I do sometimes and I thought I had a supportive family, seems it wasnt really that great afterall as what I saw as the norm wasnt at all. I wont say its easy but counselling has really helped me find out what makes me tick. You get pointers to help you assert yourself and be comfortable in your own skin and not worry bout what others think or what you might think they think. It is hard work, just acknowledging your negative feelings and even harder trying to change but so worth it if you give it a try. If you want to change this feeling, you can but if it is a habit or part of who you are right now you will need help to change your view of yourself and the world. The fact that you are even questioning this is a good thing. All the best with sorting it out

VaioCruiser

I agree.

What you need is counseling - and it will be well worth it OP. Don't allow any more of your life to slide under the bridge without taking action to stem this flow.

See someone.

All the best.

RossFixxxed

Woah yeah you sound like you have no sense of self worth. I have to agree with the above posters, get to someone on this.

Not to be rude but that would get SO annoying. Someone apologising all the time and looking for reassurance would drive me mad after a while. We all need the odd boost, but constant oh no! I knew someone like this, constantly would see someone on telly and would start 'her hair is so much nicer than mine. She's skinnier than me. Look at her tan. Ooo Look at him a man like him would never like me'. First few times, you reassure. After that it just got to the point where I was saying 'yeah you are awful'. And she was, a bloody attention whore driving everyone spare.

If you say bad thigns about yourself all the time they WILL stick. Don't be that millstone, people talking about you will happen but you are throwing petrol on a spark here!

To hell with others, you need to work on YOU! You're gonna be miserable looking to others for happiness and they will get annoyed at it!

Sorry if this seems harsh or like an attack, just want to give you the other side and encourage you to go get help for this!