Maintenance ..HELP!!

cvk

I'm 1.5 years separeted. I have 3 kids all under 10. I pay €1450 a month (this covers the mortgage). I also pay for clothes they need , all of Xmas toys etc , Doctors fees up untill recently as she now has the med. card. I also give her money from time to time when she is 'stuck'. Anyway my ex recieves €200 a week from the SW and when the kids are in school she works and gets a min €150 a week(cash). She also gets child benifet.
I have recently moved into a rented house. My rent is €500 a month plus all the usual bills esb gas etc. The kids come over to my house atleast 5/6 days every week. They stay with me 3 nights(sometimes 4) every second week. Since moving in the my new place it has ment after I pay all the bills I'm left with nothing. In fact I'm getting into debt as each month goes on. I asked her to pay some of the mortgage..she said no as she has no money, although going out 2 times a week every week doesn't seem to be a problem. We have got on well up untill recently , I even paid for their holiday last year but this year I took a 24% decrease in salary .. so I couldn't pay for it. Nor do I want to now.
I feel like just going to court but really I'm not sure what to do. Will I be worse off?? I've heard some bad stories....

Anyway any advice would be great,.

bruce wayne

I know this may seem like very unhelpful advise....but seriously....stop paying her that much!! Do you have a formal agreement in place, if you do then you clearly have to renegotiate and if you don't...then put one in place asap. You have the children upto and sometimes more than half the week...all related expenses should be halved! Your paying for her holidays? You've had to take a 24% cut in salary, and now your ending up in debt....you need to sit around a table and work this out one on one...

Its good to see that you are being resonable and fair....but I think shes taking advantage of your good nature here.

Dublin_Gunner

Yep, seriously, you need to get this sorted, and properly. Let me guess, she's guilting you inot paying by using the kids as leverage??

Oh how I know all too well.

Go to court, get a maintenance order sorted, and soon. Trust me. It will be best for all party's concerned.

If you have the kids for 1/3 month (like it seems you do), then that cost should be removed from any maintenance you pay.

When the kids are back in school (if they're all of school age) then the ex can surely go out and get a better paying job / work more hours.

The relationship has broken down, and as sad as that is, you do have your own life to live now, and should not be penalised for the relationship breaking down.

Do out a budget of all of your incomings and outgoings - including a reasonable amount for leisure, as well your food / rent / bills etc.

There is a form you will need to get from the courts when you apply for the maintenance order - which is a basic budget sheet. Fill it out well, and don;t force yourself to put in smaller amounts than you actually pay - I even put in the cost of my cigarettes on mine.

LegacyUser

Yeah The guilt thing is used alot. I have nothing on paper. I don't want to lose the house, not because of money but its were my kids live and I want to make sure they always have that place. Plus if i just stop paying all of the mortgage I'll get a bad credit rating. She won't contribute to the mortgage in any way so as a result i feel completely stuck. Going to court seems to be the answer...but it might not be pretty.

Dfens

You sound like a very dedicated & generous father. I'm presuming that the house deeds are on both of your names, so if the property was ever sold your ex would be entitled to an equal share (a similar thread about this is on this forum at the moment 'house keys'). You should keep good records/accounts of all payments you make to the mortgage, as well as any payments to your ex (preferably by a documented means - cheque, electronic bank transfer etc.) in case there is any dispute over the amount you are/have payed. You should enquire about the child benefit (Dept. numbers are online) whether you would be entitled to some of this seeing as you are caring for the kids so much during the week, also you may be able to apply for tax credits depending on your circumstances - worth an ask.

Hope it works out for the best.