GF cheating?

LegacyUser

Hi guys,I have a dilemena. Been with my GF just over a year,all was going well until this weekend. She is south american, from Argentina, & we are planning to visit her family at xmas. Yesterday she was teaching me some spanish so I can try & make some conversation with her family etc... I was in her apartment, so I needed a notebook to write down some notes. Anyway my GF tells me there she has a spare notebook in her room, long story short, I was looking for the notebook,when I came across a sheet of paper with the heading "hombres" spanish for men! Curiosty got the better of me & I know I should'nt have done this but I read the list! To my shock,the list was full of men, their names, mostly spanish, where they lived & where she met them, mostly nightclubs!. Most worringly there was names on the list from after we met,the same thing again, the guys name & the name of the pub,club,place where she "met" them. There was also little comments like,cute,gorgeous beside some names!!! My first reaction was that this is a list of men she has F***ed or been with! I'm totally confused & hurt right now, this seems like totally bizarre behaviour to keep a list of men,Is this a latin thing, has anyone come across anything like this before? am I right in thinking the worst or am I over-reacting, do I confront her about it? I'm afraid that I won't be able to trust her anymore.
This is wrecking me head, any advice would be appreciated.
Thanks.

shellyboo

I think a lot of women do this! I don't though I wouldn't worry about it, it's certainly not evidence of cheating.

wasper

Unregistered wrote: »

Hi guys,I have a dilemena. Been with my GF just over a year,all was going well until this weekend. She is south american, from Argentina, & we are planning to visit her family at xmas. Yesterday she was teaching me some spanish so I can try & make some conversation with her family etc... I was in her apartment, so I needed a notebook to write down some notes. Anyway my GF tells me there she has a spare notebook in her room, long story short, I was looking for the notebook,when I came across a sheet of paper with the heading "hombres" spanish for men! Curiosty got the better of me & I know I should'nt have done this but I read the list! To my shock,the list was full of men, their names, mostly spanish, where they lived & where she met them, mostly nightclubs!. Most worringly there was names on the list from after we met,the same thing again, the guys name & the name of the pub,club,place where she "met" them. There was also little comments like,cute,gorgeous beside some names!!! My first reaction was that this is a list of men she has F***ed or been with! I'm totally confused & hurt right now, this seems like totally bizarre behaviour to keep a list of men,Is this a latin thing, has anyone come across anything like this before? am I right in thinking the worst or am I over-reacting, do I confront her about it? I'm afraid that I won't be able to trust her anymore.
This is wrecking me head, any advice would be appreciated.
Thanks.

Either you keep it to yourself & let it eat you inside. Or question her about it.

Oh The Humanity

Never heard of a grown woman doing such a thing!

Maybe a younger girl in early teens writing a diary or something!

If she had done something wrong.........she would hardly leave the evidence there in her own handwriting............but that then begs the question as to what is it all about!?

Do the dates mentioned match up with nights she was out on her own....I mean nights when she was not with you?

Is there any chance she planted it there on purpose to make you jealous or something?Very strange...

puglover

Have no idea what it could be. No-one on this forum is going to be able to tell what it is.

So my advice would be to ASK her.

Lollipops23

erm if she really did score them why on earth would she leave a confession(or as good as) in her room???and then tell you to go get it?(if i had been messing around i certainly wouldn't encourage my BF to root around my room)

i'd say there's a plausible explanation,ask her.

VaioCruiser

OP...

If you have a good relationship with her and all is well you must have a feeling for what kind of person she is.

This kind of information on a sheet of paper is proof of nothing except possibly a diary or keeping in touch with people from her own country.

Don't get obsessed with it.


All the best

Wagon

shellyboo wrote: »

I think a lot of women do this! I don't though I wouldn't worry about it, it's certainly not evidence of cheating.

You must be joking Shelly I've never ever heard of anyone doing that! id even say a man would be more likely to do something like that, because it seems like keeping score. It's a bloody weird thing to do and id be getting worried about it myself.

OP, seeing as this is the first time ive ever heard of anyone doing something like this then i suggest you talk to her about it. I dunno latin american culture but ask her about it definately, otherwise it'll just eat away at you.

prinz

shellyboo wrote: »

I think a lot of women do this! I don't though I wouldn't worry about it, it's certainly not evidence of cheating.

I don't. I don't know any girls who do. It's slightly odd tbh and taking the whole 'keeping your options open' to a level beyond acceptable IMO. But seeing as you so au fait with such a list, I will share my new one..

Who Where Comment Stars

Shellyboo Boards.ie Sarcy **** Priceless comedy value.

Seriously how would you feel finding a list like that belonging to a bf. It's odd.

shellyboo

Wagon wrote: »

You must be joking Shelly I've never ever heard of anyone doing that! id even say a man would be more likely to do something like that, because it seems like keeping score. It's a bloody weird thing to do and id be getting worried about it myself.

OP, seeing as this is the first time ive ever heard of anyone doing something like this then i suggest you talk to her about it. I dunno latin american culture but ask her about it definately, otherwise it'll just eat away at you.

On the numerous "how many partners" threads I've read, I've seen a few girls say they keep a list. *shrug* Thought from that that it was usual.

Like I say, I don't do it!

prinz wrote: »

I don't. I don't know any girls who do. It's slightly odd tbh and taking the whole 'keeping your options open' to a level beyond acceptable IMO. But seeing as you so au fait with such a list, I will share my new one..

Who Where Comment Stars

Shellyboo Boards.ie Sarcy **** Priceless comedy value.

Seriously how would you feel finding a list like that belonging to a bf. It's odd.

Of course it's odd... I never said it wasn't. I did say that it's something that I have heard of other girls doing.

Also, your own list is a bit out of order, prinz. No need for that.

prinz

shellyboo wrote: »

Of course it's odd... I never said it wasn't. I did say that it's something that I have heard of other girls doing.
Also, your own list is a bit out of order, prinz. No need for that.

I gave ya 4 stars (it was out of 5, those little *'s weren't censorship ). I think point proven though. Why is that out of order but the real life OP is "nothing to worry about"? I remember a case when I was in uni, the guys in one house all rated the girls from another house on different attributes, looks, personality etc, all fun and games until it came out and a lot of friendships were damaged. I think I'd rather not (a) make such a list, and (b) not appear on such a list either. Keeping a list of partners is one thing, keep a list of potentials is slightly different, i.e. contact details, where they met, first impressions. It's not exactly the behaviour of someone focused on their current relationship.

shellyboo

prinz wrote: »

I gave ya 4 stars (it was out of 5, those little *'s weren't censorship ). I think point proven though. Why is that out of order but the real life OP is "nothing to worry about"? I remember a case when I was in uni, the guys in one house all rated the girls from another house on different attributes, looks, personality etc, all fun and games until it came out and a lot of friendships were damaged. I think I'd rather not (a) make such a list, and (b) not appear on such a list either. Keeping a list of partners is one thing, keep a list of potentials is slightly different, i.e. contact details, where they met, first impressions. It's not exactly the behaviour of someone focused on their current relationship.

That's out of order cos I thought you were calling me a b*tch.

Who said they were potential partners? You're presuming they are. I'm presuming they're past partners. Yes, it's odd, but it doesn't mean she's cheating, or wants to cheat. It means she's a bit odd.

prinz

shellyboo wrote: »

That's out of order cos I thought you were calling me a b*tch.

Who said they were potential partners? You're presuming they are. I'm presuming they're past partners. Yes, it's odd, but it doesn't mean she's cheating, or wants to cheat. It means she's a bit odd.

Would I do that :eek: ? Never. 4/5 for the entertainment value. You're doing pretty well. Anywho, potential because they are guys she met since she's been with the OP.. guys she meets in pubs and clubs, gets their contact details and keeps a little memo to remind herself who was who.

Most worringly there was names on the list from after we met,the same thing again, the guys name & the name of the pub,club,place where she "met" them. There was also little comments like,cute,gorgeous beside some names!!!

shellyboo

prinz wrote: »

Would I do that :eek: ? Never. 4/5 for the entertainment value. You're doing pretty well. Anywho, potential because they are guys she met since she's been with the OP.. guys she meets in pubs and clubs, gets their contact details and keeps a little memo to remind herself who was who.

Ah, ok I missed that bit. Yeah, that's not on really. I'd be having words OP!

meditraitor

Unregistered wrote: »

Hi guys,I have a dilemena. Been with my GF just over a year,all was going well until this weekend. She is south american, from Argentina, & we are planning to visit her family at xmas. Yesterday she was teaching me some spanish so I can try & make some conversation with her family etc... I was in her apartment, so I needed a notebook to write down some notes. Anyway my GF tells me there she has a spare notebook in her room, long story short, I was looking for the notebook,when I came across a sheet of paper with the heading "hombres" spanish for men! Curiosty got the better of me & I know I should'nt have done this but I read the list! To my shock,the list was full of men, their names, mostly spanish, where they lived & where she met them, mostly nightclubs!. Most worringly there was names on the list from after we met,the same thing again, the guys name & the name of the pub,club,place where she "met" them. There was also little comments like,cute,gorgeous beside some names!!! My first reaction was that this is a list of men she has F***ed or been with! I'm totally confused & hurt right now, this seems like totally bizarre behaviour to keep a list of men,Is this a latin thing, has anyone come across anything like this before? am I right in thinking the worst or am I over-reacting, do I confront her about it? I'm afraid that I won't be able to trust her anymore.
This is wrecking me head, any advice would be appreciated.
Thanks.

Was your name on the list?

LegacyUser

Hi OP here, Yes my name was on the list. I'm going to have a word with her,but bring it up in a roundabout way. It's very strange behaviour but I'm going to give her the benefit of the doubt, the has been no reason in the past to doubt her & I don't intend to ruin a good thing over something like this. Thanks for the replies, I will be ok!

Katgurl

OP, you have NO idea what that list was about. perhaps she wrote it BEFORE she got together with you, perhaps she was writing an invite list for a party with her friend and they were listing off cute guys to invite... it could be anything

puglover

Unregistered wrote: »

Hi OP here, Yes my name was on the list. I'm going to have a word with her,but bring it up in a roundabout way. It's very strange behaviour but I'm going to give her the benefit of the doubt, the has been no reason in the past to doubt her & I don't intend to ruin a good thing over something like this. Thanks for the replies, I will be ok!

Bad move. God stop pussy footing about and waiting for advice from some randomers on a forum and just ask her. TBH I can't understand why you didn't ask her there and then...

LegacyUser

Don't mean to be harsh, but Argentinian women, even the most normal, can still be bat**** insane. It wouldn't surprise me if the list was just of men she chatted to, harmless stuff. It's definitely not evidence automatically. Was she hard to get with?

There's a big clue there!

LegacyUser

I'm amazed at the number of people who are ready to just dismiss this.

My girlfriend kept such lists too in the past (men she'd slept with/men she'd just kissed) which I came accross by accident - wasn't thrilled to find it but it was what it was was. I have heard of other girls to do the same.

Looking at the key parts original post:

- "a sheet of paper with the heading "hombres" spanish for men"

- "the list was full of men, their names [...] where they lived & where she met them, mostly nightclubs"

- "there was names on the list from after we met the same thing again, the guys name & the name of the pub,club,place where she "met" them"

- "There was also little comments like,cute,gorgeous beside some names"

Doesn't sound all innocent to me.

For the girls reading this, just imagine if you found your boyfriend had a list of girls/their names/where they met [nightclubs mostly]/and look related comments. Even if it was innocent and there was no sex/kissing involved, I don't think most would be too thrilled.

I've had my share of cross cultural relationships and there's often a world of difference between what's acceptable here and elsewhere. Latin American culture seems to be a lot less accepting of one night stands but more accepting of 'fun' on the side when within a relationship. They genuinely believe what your partner doesn't know cannot hurt them.

Novella

That would freak me out tbh with you, OP. I don't think there is any point in bringing it up in a "roundabout way", that sorta thing usually just leads to more frustration. You haven't done anything wrong. You had a legitimate reason for looking in her room so don't be afraid to just say straight out what you saw and you were just wondering what it was about or whatever. I do think it's a bit strange but I wouldn't say it's evidence she's cheating or anything.

Hope everything turns out well

SarahSassy

Found a list like this in my ex's (Spanish guy) and in the end he was cheating... Dont know if it was with any of those girls but the cataloging of them was weird and infantile for me anyway....

Ask her