Performance Anxiety....how long?

Julietta

Hi all

I posted on here a while back about a new man I was unsure about and got some great replies/advice...so here I am again, 3 months later and still a bit unsure, just about something different this time!

We have yet to have sex, I guess to some people 3 months is not a long time and while I am not suggesting I am going to break us up over this, I am a bit worried that it is never going to happen and was looking for some reassurance that this is common enough and will sort itself out.....I know, no-one can predict this but perhaps someone else has experienced it? I will freely admit that I completely over simplified things before I met this man - to my mind (up to this point), a guy likes a gal, a guy fancies a gal, a guy has sex with a gal and that was it! I know now that a bit more thinking goes into the situation for a lot of men and they cannot perform on command but I am quite surprised that 3 months later, he is still unable to maintain an erection and has some difficulty getting one in the first place (although he definitely has gotten a strong erection on a few occasions) so could there be another problem? There does not appear to be any stress in his life, he is fit, healthy and mid-30's so it really does appear to be a prolonged case of anxiety as opposed to erectile disfunction (at least to me it seems that way). We are very open about it, we talk about it as I know it upsets him, he says he just needs to relax, I have reassured him that I really fancy him and will wait for us (he was afraid I would break up with him), we are very tactile with each other....but I would be lying if I said this wasn't bothering me perhaps a little more than I admit to him.

I guess if someone said "this problem will have sorted itself out by the end of October" then that would be fine, I have no problem waiting (any length of time!), he's a really great man.....it's just difficult and awkward every time we go to bed now and it's starting to overshadow everything else about us and I'm afraid we're in a bit of a viscous circle

Julietta

Otis Driftwood

Hi Julietta.

Has your OH gone to speak to someone about this?

The fact he is fit and healthy in the other aspects of his life suggest that its a pyschological probem.

Also,this issue is likely causing him alot of stress.It can be a vicious circle.

He is so worried about not being able to get an erection that he doesnt get one thus worries more about it etc.

He should go and have a chat with his GP,get a physical done and take it from there.

As Ive said though,it sounds more pyschological than physical.

All the best.

VaioCruiser

Hi Julietta.

I am an older guy, and I can say that this is a very common problem. Life is not like the movies ... (not that that is any way a criticism of you!). You seem to be taking it very very well and he is a lucky guy.

Do some research on the web about ED, erectile dysfunction and you will find that it is very widespread.

It may be that for another year or more, or even forever, this will be his pattern. The stress from his 'problem' feeds back into the cause. I would suggest that if you love him and plan to stay with him you will need to alter your own expectations and make sex more about all of the other wonderful things than just about penetration... (which you may already have done). My guess is that if you can make this transition, where penetration is not expected ... and he sees that you are just as happy ... over a period he will find that it will just 'happen' on a more and more regular basis.

My two cents.

All the best.

AARRRGH

Does he wake up with erections?

Can he masturbate?

VaioCruiser

AARRRGH wrote: »

Does he wake up with erections?

Can he masturbate?

See OP's post above: "(although he definitely has gotten a strong erection on a few occasions)"

All the best

AARRRGH

VaioCruiser wrote: »

See OP's post above: "(although he definitely has gotten a strong erection on a few occasions)"

All the best

Sorry, my question is regarding when he's alone and there is no performance anxiety.