Overnight stays for baby

LegacyUser

Evening all,


I recently split up with my bf of 2 years. We have a 6 month old daughter. Now while things are on a friendly basis, we have been discussing access and he wants to take her overnight once a week. While i have no issue with him taking her overnight, i have a huge problem with where he lives and with who. He has his own apartment but he has neglected it and its in bad need of a proper clean, he and his housemate also smoke in the apartment and there is no heating as the gas was d/c due to being in arrears. My main issue is actually with his housemate. My ex is a drink binger, he manages to hold down his job and is a good dad but his housemate is an alcoholic, is out of a treatment centre about 6 weeks and already back on the drink. i called over last week to help out ex with tidying up. his housemate was on the couch in his boxers drinking cans - this was about 2pm during the day.

I'm not really sure what to do, I know that while in charge of our daughter my ex will be sober so no issue there but cant say the same about housemate and i don't want my dd growing up thinking this is the norm.
Last week my ex stayed here so he could spend time with dd, but i really need to move on and set a routine, and i dont want to have to move out of my house every week so he can stay. His parents live by but there isnt space for him to stay there with the baby, and he doesnt have any other family nearby.

I don't want to stop the overnights but at the moment there isn't going to be any change in who he lives with. Has anyone been through anything like this and can suggest some solutions for us?

Thanks!!

Victor

You could consider a hotel room or guest house.

Have you talked this over with the father?

While, sure, its important for for father and child to have a relationship the flatmate sounds like a hazard. One that you might manage with an older child, but not with a 6 month old.

King of Kings

if you can't get him to sort out his apt

- would you suggest he stays in yours instead the 1 night a week?

I had a flatmate who did that with his ex and it seemed to work ok

kmick

A 6 month old baby in an apt with smoke, alcohol and random alcoholic people. No bloody way you are crazy to even contemplate it . You would spend the whole night sick with worry.

VaioCruiser

kmick is correct. You may need to put your foot down and tell him that you will not, in any way, allow it in his current situation, but if he changes it you will be perfectly happy with him taking her. Tell him exactly why but also make it clear to him that it is not HIM you object to, but his circumstances.

If he pushes it, you may have to let him take it to court and make your case.

All the best.