still in love

niko2485

Hi this is my first time on boards. I am polish and I was going out with Irish guy for a year. He doesn't love me and I don't know how to start my life without him. I know it is stiupid but I am still waiting for him. I'm checking my phone and my e-mail all the time. What to do to make myself happy again. I try to go out with my friends but I am still thinking about him. Maybe somebody has some ideas how to deal with broken heart


P.s Sorry for my mistakes but I still have difficulties to write in english:)

gogglebok

niko2485 wrote: »

Hi this is my first time on boards. I am polish and I was going out with Irish guy for a year. He doesn't love me and I don't know how to start my life without him. I know it is stiupid but I am still waiting for him. I'm checking my phone and my e-mail all the time. What to do to make myself happy again. I try to go out with my friends but I am still thinking about him. Maybe somebody has some ideas how to deal with broken heart

P.s Sorry for my mistakes but I still have difficulties to write in english:)

I think it just takes time, Niko. You have to keep on living your life, seeing your friends, carrying on from day to day. I feel for you, and wish you all the best. It will get easier, but sometimes that recovery takes a while.

You shouldn't feel that you are being dishonest if sometimes you are pretending to be happy, just to fit in with a social situation. Eventually you will find you are pretending less, and starting to genuinely enjoy yourself. Your friends, new and old, will be a great comfort.

I guess the way we know love is important is that it hurts when it goes.

(Your English is excellent, by the way. Good luck with everything.)

VaioCruiser

Excellent advice.

Best of luck OP.

niko2485

Thanks for advice gogglebok. I have another qty. Do you think there is something like a culture differences. My boyfriend was really cold if you know what I mean. Everything was more important to him (x-box, friends,tv etc.). Is it normal that your other half do not answer 80% of your phone calls (after working hours)or I was just overreacting (as he was saying)?He has never suprised me to make me feel special. Is it the way they are or he wasn't in love with me?

seahorse

niko2485 wrote: »

Is it normal that your other half do not answer 80% of your phone calls (after working hours)or I was just overreacting (as he was saying)?

Sorry Niko, but that's only normal if he's not your other half at all, but rather is just interested in the sex he's getting and nothing outside of that. To be honest he doesnt sound worth your tears or your time.

This is not about cultural differences or anything like that. The bloke sounds like an arsehole and unfortunately they are to be found in all cultures. It is not to be excused by the nature of the relationship either. Even the most casual of relationships usually involves both parties having the courtesy to answer the bloody phone!

VaioCruiser

OP.

It seems to me like he was a decent bloke but that he just wasn't that into you ... In other words he liked you ... but did not love you. He was probably trying to tell you but was not brave enough to tell you straight out. It happens all the time.

You need to accept that it is over ... and fill your life with other people and other activities.

All the best

niko2485

He was really selfish sometimes but he could't see it. Our relationship wasn't only about the sex I think:) He liked me but wasn't in love that's definately true. We argued and broke up 3 days before our anniversary and he switched off his mobile. He never said sorry for the bad words I heard from him. My friend had to collect my stuff from his house. After 1 year no text ,no sorry, nothing.Is taht the way you break up with somebody?

seahorse

niko2485 wrote: »

We argued and broke up 3 days before our anniversary and he switched off his mobile. He never said sorry for the bad words I heard from him. My friend had to collect my stuff from his house. After 1 year no text ,no sorry, nothing.Is taht the way you break up with somebody?

Every break-up will be different, but one where you couldn’t even collect your own belongings from his house sounds pretty nasty and disrespectful to me, I'm sorry to say.

As for the relationship; if things were so bad he spent all his spare time on the x-box, watching the TV or with friends, never did anything to communicate to you that you were special to him in all the time you were together and couldn’t even be bothered to pick up the phone 80% of the time, you should be thanking your lucky stars you broke up Niko, to be honest.

Still checking the computer and phone a year down the line after a debacle like this is just a waste of life to be honest. I don't mean to be cruel, but for Jaysus sake girl, if you're going to pine over a man at least make sure he's worth the low mood!

niko2485

Thanks seahorse:) I'll start to think about the situaction this way. He is not worth it:). I think I just get use to him. As a foregin person I don't have my family here and I can't go for a "sunday dinner" with my parents. I get use that I am with somebody and that is the most difficult part now. We were planning to go to my sister wedding together in september. She changed the invitation cause he was annoyed she didn't put his name on the first one. I feel like an idiot in front of my family for that whole story. I was just thinking that maybe (because I am polish) something is wrong with me. Now I can see that we are all the same and I really want to thank you for a help.:)

muboop1

niko2485 wrote: »

He was really selfish sometimes but he could't see it. Our relationship wasn't only about the sex I think:) He liked me but wasn't in love that's definately true. We argued and broke up 3 days before our anniversary and he switched off his mobile. He never said sorry for the bad words I heard from him. My friend had to collect my stuff from his house. After 1 year no text ,no sorry, nothing.Is taht the way you break up with somebody?

Break ups depend on the person.

Many couples might break up in the heat and passion of a fight and never mean it, some will mean it. Some sit down and explain it and their reasons for breaking up, some on the other hand do it over phone or via text...

There is no perfect way to do it. Personally I like the sit down and talk and detest anything that isnt face to face.

Oh and to your origional post, the only reason i wouldn't answer calls from my gf would be if i was never given time to rest from her.

I am not saying you done this.

Just saying the only way i could see myself acting as your ex-boyfriend did.

I had an ex-girlfriend in the past who would call me about 20 times a day, at first this was cute, then it got to stage where I was on phone to her so much I never got anythign done. And eventually we ran out of things to talk about...

I really just wanted some me times. And time with the lads... Got annoying when out with lads having to answer phone to her and be expected to talk to her for ages!

I personally wouldn't call my gf every day now. I make an effort to see her a few times a week do. I much rather see her once then have 4 convos with her on the phone.

I amn't meaning to say you were doing this. But what do you think?

VaioCruiser

niko2485 wrote: »

Thanks seahorse:) I'll start to think about the situaction this way. He is not worth it:). I think I just get use to him. As a foregin person I don't have my family here and I can't go for a "sunday dinner" with my parents. I get use that I am with somebody and that is the most difficult part now. We were planning to go to my sister wedding together in september. She changed the invitation cause he was annoyed she didn't put his name on the first one. I feel like an idiot in front of my family for that whole story. I was just thinking that maybe (because I am polish) something is wrong with me. Now I can see that we are all the same and I really want to thank you for a help.:)

Well done Niko. You are making good progress

You are NOT an idiot of any kind. You are just human. Your sister will understand and your parents will understand. This kind of thing happens to all of us at some stage in our lives unfortunately :rolleyes:

Some people are very bad at breakups and cannot handle it. They are afraid of the truth and behave like cowards. This sounds like your old BF.

"Seahorse" was right. After a while you will realise that although this was a painful experience, you are lucky you did not waste any more time on a guy who is so selfish and dysfunctional.

Go to the wedding and maybe you will meet someone nice

I have many Polish friends and have been in Poland about 8 times in the last 18 months. Lovely people and wonderful country.

All the best.

niko2485

I know what you mean and I saw him nearly everyday after work. I know that was a big mistake. I should have my own live and let him have his. He is living on his own and he felt so lonley in his house( he asked me to move in but I was to affraid now I am happy I didn't). I think that for the first few months he was in love with me but after he just didn't want to be on his own. I have met only two of his friends and one couple. We were going out to my friends mostly.

P.s No I wasn't ringing to him 20 times per day. I rang him few times in my live cause I new he wouln't answer or he will be annoyed. I contact him via sms only.

Does anybody know a good English teacher?:). I know my english is horibble and sometimes it's annoying when I can't express myself.:(

niko2485

I want you to know I am not perfect myself. I have my moments as well but I think most of the girls are the same. We're overreacting, talking to much etc. The only think I was looking for in my relationship it was a little bit of love and understanding. I thought that someday my BF instead of argue with me will just hug me and say something nice. Maybe I am to romantic.

prinz

To me it sounds like your relationship was never the most stable. He sounds like a self obsessed git, from the beginning. Better off without niko. There are plenty of romantic Irish fellas out there too.

niko2485

prinz wrote: »

To me it sounds like your relationship was never the most stable. He sounds like a self obsessed git, from the beginning. Better off without niko. There are plenty of romantic Irish fellas out there too.

I don't really mind polish,irish...I will take a break for a while and after will see. Maybe somewhere there is somebody for me:)

gogglebok

niko2485 wrote: »

Does anybody know a good English teacher?:). I know my english is horibble and sometimes it's annoying when I can't express myself.:(

Hi Niko. Glad to hear you're moving on. There's a lot of good advice in this thread, I think.

As to finding an English teacher (without paying a fortune), I believe that Polish is taught in Trinity College. That means there will be students there who would probably be happy to swap English lessons with a native speaker. Are you based in Dublin?

niko2485

gogglebok wrote: »

Hi Niko. Glad to hear you're moving on. There's a lot of good advice in this thread, I think.

As to finding an English teacher (without paying a fortune), I believe that Polish is taught in Trinity College. That means there will be students there who would probably be happy to swap English lessons with a native speaker. Are you based in Dublin?

I am living in Rathcole but I passed my driving test 2 weeks ago so I will be able to travel everywhere on my own really soon:). I did two english courses but I am looking for something a little different. The "daily" language if you know what I mean like boards:). I have a lots of time now so I will start to read books in English:)