Insecure?

LegacyUser

Asked for advice from here before and it gave a good mix of opinions if nothing else

In a relationship that has a had a few minor problems I suppose of late, and a few issues in the relationship and outside it that have hit my general confidence.

Of late, I been feeling more insecure. In particular, my GF has a good few male friends, who she would have past with one or two. I knew this from pretty early on from other sources [incl one of said friends..]. Did not really bother me at the time, everyone has history right?

But, lately one of her friends has really sparked my new found "insecurity". The guy does have a brief history with her, which he told me about in a rather gloating way once. Now that did not bother me too much at the time.

Now though, every time he comes up in conversation it irks me, although I have not said anything yet. The guy I noticed does not contact my GF or really make time for her when he has a GF of his own, but ever since he is single again all of a sudden he txts much more often and actually hang out together. Which has my warning signals going.

A friend of his once asked what I thought of them, which seemed odd/off.

For my GF's part, she gets on well with the guy and the two almost have a flirty banter between them, in fact the guy sometimes reminds me..of...me. They usually go out alone, cinema and so forth. [His house as well once or twice.]

In my opinion, the friendship is not fully platonic. Am I right to feel worried? I am not sure if I should bring it up with my GF, but I am not sure either that I want to sit around and see what happens.

I know people will say, that it does not matter and if I trust her all is rosy, and if I do not the relationship is fooked. But, tbh I do not trust anyone 100%. After one or two incidents, I would say I trust her 85-90%, which is still a lot really imo.

So what should I do, if anything?

AARRRGH

If they were friends before you got together, there is nothing you can do.

You need to learn to tackle your insecurities, as they could kill your relationship.

I'm guessing, deep down, you don't think you're good enough for this girl?

VaioCruiser

Hi OP.

You need to realise that this is about you, and not about her or her friends. It's about your fears and your demons.

Once you do that you are then in a position to do something about it. You can start to reflect on the causes of your fears, on why you feel so afraid of losing your GF. You can then start looking at ways of changing your thinking, ways of balancing your life better so that your dependence on your GF is balanced by other good things in your life.

Also don't get it into your head that fear of loss is something that is not felt by others too. When we find someone really special we ALL suffer from some level of fear of losing them. The key thing is coping with this fear and not letting it get out of control. A healthy level of insecurity keeps us on our toes and makes sure we treat our partners well. It makes sure we don't forget how lucky we are to have our partners. Without any fear of losing them we become lazy and presumptuous, and boring and then we DO lose them

On the subject of trust, trust is a difficult thing for everyone. Not just you. But in life OP, we have to come to a decision somewhere along the way, where we just HAVE to decide to place trust in people, especially our partner. Living life without ever trusting anyone is a cold and lonely place where few, if any, other people will ever chose to join us.

All the best.

LegacyUser

Thanks for the above,

It probably is mostly my own fears @ work, although I keep them well hidden tbh. I used to be of the opinion plenty more girls out and about..but at the moment it is hard to look past my GF. So I was probably more "care free" before.

This guy is not helping though, he has made comments to me before designed to get a reaction, said things to my GF about me, and I generally get the feeling he is waiting in the wings. I can't help but thinking my GF may know the above and be using him as an ego boost or maybe she really just considers him a friend, hard to tell?

I guess, I just fear a few drinks, them two together, and I would not put it past him to make a move.

Of course, it could all be in my head...:(

Gman1

Unregistered wrote: »

I guess, I just fear a few drinks, them two together, and I would not put it past him to make a move.

Of course, it could all be in my head...:(

I have the same problem, there are quite a few guys around who have history with my gf. And all are in contact with her, I trust her but I dont really know or trust those guys. I think I am right to, even though it might be in my head. She would think and feel the same if the tables were turned.

Keep an eye on him, not her. Some people will do anything to get what they want.