Ends And Odds

Rufus.T.Firefly

Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical.

A few days later the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a
gorgeous young woman on his arm.

A couple of days later the doctor spoke to Morris and said,

"You're really doing great, aren't you?"

Morris replied, "Just doing what you said, Doc:

Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.”

The doctor said, "I didn't say that. I said,

“You've got a heart murmur. Be careful.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Some of these are classic - but still, remember what it was like when we were taking exams....the brain goes dead.

Children's Science Exam


Q: Name the four seasons.

A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.



Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.

A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large

pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.




Q: How is dew formed?

A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.



Q: How can you delay milk turning sour? (Brilliant, love this!)

A: Keep it in the cow.



Q: What causes the tides in the oceans?

A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water

tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon,

and nature hates a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.



Q: What are steroids?

A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.



Q: What happens to your body as you age?

A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental



Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?

A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.

(The kid gets an A+ for this answer!)



Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.

A: Premature death.



Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized? ( e.G., abdomen)

A: The body is consisted into three parts -- the brainium, the borax

and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain; the borax

contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the

five bowels A, E, I, O, and U.



Q: What is the fibula?

A: A small lie.



Q: What does 'varicose' mean? (I do love this one...)

A: Nearby.



Q: Give the meaning of the term 'Caesarian Section.'

A: The Caesarian Section is a district in Rome ...



Q: What does the word 'benign' mean?'

A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.