Mam tells me I depress her

Lorrs33

I know better than anyone that I meet trouble halfway and get myself into a state about things that may never happen. I get it from my mam and I'm convinced I have an anxiety disorder. My mam used to be the only one I could confide in, but most of the time, she would snap at me and tell me that I'm depressing her and that she can't solve my problems. I wasn't really looking for a solution, just someone to listen.

I went to the doctor three years ago and I was diagnosed with depression. He didn't want to put me on anti-depressants so he referred me to a psychotherapist over in Terenure. I went to her a few times, but one day I let my mam talk me out of going again, claiming that I could talk to her about anything. I knew then that that wasn't true, but I felt guilty because of the expense, so I stopped going.

And as I predicted, she's still impossible to talk to at times. Sometines she can be great, but other times, she gets so angry at me and makes me feel like a burden. It's why I don't talk to my friends about personal issues, I worry I'll depress them too. I have a boyfriend now, whom I've been with nearly a year. I've known him for years prior to our relationship, so I was never worried about being myself around him.

I've posted about this here recently, but I've recently began taking a new contraceptive pill called Yaz. This is my third one this year, as the previous two didn't agree with me. My hormones have gone into hyperdrive. I got myself into such a state on Thursday about not having anything for dinner, even in my head, I was thinking 'why am I getting so upset?'. I've been crying for no reason ever since I started it. My mam said that I'm like this anyway, but it's not true. I know I'm upset easily, but this is ridiculous. I'm going back to the Family Planning centre this week to change it.

When I tried confiding in her about it last night, she snapped at me, telling me that if I tell my boyfriend half the things I tell her, then I'm going to drive him away. She said he doesn't want to be listening to my problems. I even rang him and told him that I wouldn't bring him down with my tantrums anymore, to which he tried to reassure me I could talk to him about anything. But I'm afraid now, just like I am with my friends. He's one of the few good things I have going for me right now and I don't want to lose him. Who else can I talk to?

LegacyUser

Hi there, sorry to hear you are in a bad way
Don't worry there are plenty of people in your position so you are not alone.
For the moment try not to mention anything to your Mam, the samaritans is a free service and they will be able to listen to any problem you may have and you can talk to them without thinking you are going to drive anyone away.

You are very luck you have a lovely boyfriend there to support you.
I would change Gp too to be honest with you, you say you may have an anxiety disorder yet your own GP won't put you on anything to help it so just to get a second opinion.

With the pill, I had the same problem and the doctor said most of them play havoc with your hormones so discuss this more with a GP and see what options they come up with.

In the meantime, try and relax, take up Yoga or try walking.
If you're old enough and can afford to try look to move out and gain a bit of independence
That will help you too and you will become less reliant on your Mam and your relationship will improve if you're not around each other all the time.

Go to the Doc first of all and chin up you are doing great, you have a boyfriend that's lovely and understanding, I envy you there
Good luck

Whynotme

Sounds to me like your mum may be exasperating the situation. Maybe move out for a while and try to make a life without her. Talk to your boyfriend. What kind of relationship can you have if you don't talk about what is important to you? What kind of future would you have together? He probably already knows a lot and is waiting for you to trust him enough to talk to him.

Be pro-active and go back to your doc, get counselling, take meds if necessary (they are good for putting some balance back in your life). Maybe its not the pill causing your emotional state??? Maybe its whats inside coming out.

lynsalot

Hi Op

I was like you believe it or not. I met my husband and was terrified he'd realise I came with a whole host of problems... but u know what? Everyone has problems hon so don't be worrying. You need to worry about yourself for a while. Definitely change the pill because the emotions are a clear sign it's not agreeing with it. I would definitely consider getting some independence. Sounds like your mam is being unfair to you. With some space it should help. Maybe move out? Rent somewhere for the short term with a few other girls. Start going out and enjoying yourself. You're only young!!


Trust your boyfriend. Definitely go back and see the psychotherapist or your GP and explain your feelings to him. There's so many options out there for you to help you do don't feel isolated.

My biggest piece of advice to you is to distance yourself from your mam because even if she doesn't mean it, she's not helping. You need head space!!

All the best

tara666

omg u poor poor thing, i feel so sorry for u and i wish i could do or say more to help u ,i know all toooo well what ur going through...some ppl only want to help on their terms or when it suits them...my advice to u is to read some self help books ..they really helped me in the past ,it took me years to realise no one could help me only myself
i hope u dont mind me saying ur mom isnt helping u at all and i think its time u stepped away from her ,im not saying to not talk to her but maybe not abt ur problems ...take care and plz let me know how u got on with the books

Overheal

Don't mind me for saying so, but your mom sounds like a bitch.

Her reaction I would consider uncommon for a parent. Rare even. Don't let her make you think these things, that sharing your feelings with people will somehow drive everyone away.

I'd leave your mother alone. She is no help at the moment. Ring the samaritans and/or begin the counseling sessions again. Don't let her emotionally blackmail you into thinking getting help is somehow negative.

If your boyfriend is worth dating that long then I'm sure he's a pretty loving and compassionate guy. He would gladly hear you out. Encourage him to share his own greivances. Once you're both done venting, put it behind you and go have some fun.

Lorrs33

Maybe I worded it wrong, but my mam is not a bitch, she is a lovely person, she has given me so much. I just wish she would be a little more understanding with me.

Whynotme

Lorrs33, I don't think most people think your mum is a bitch. However she maybe has run out of answers for you and is now coming across as uncaring. This is more than likely far from the truth. I think that she has just run out of ideas, suggestions, and to a degree, compassion for you. Having gone through this from both angles, as a person with depression, and with a daughter who I believe is depressed, I totally understand both sides. Which is why I suggested that you move out, give you both space, gives you both time to sort your feelings out, gives you a chance to come to grips with you and who you are, not who you think your mum wants you to be. It also makes you value who and what your mum is. You will amaze yourself with what you have the ability for and how you need to develop who you are. You are the one that can remove themselves from a bad situation, not so easy for your mum! (am assuming that you have other siblings and this is her family home)

Overheal, this is not an unusual case, it is where one adult has run out of steam and feels they can no longer be of help to another. The rest of your post is spot on. She has a good boyfriend and needs to open up to him.:)

Lorrs33, pm me if you want. Depression can be a lonely place.