I really need advice

LegacyUser

Hi,I'm really upset write now and I don't want to talk to my friends or famiy.I want an non-biased point of view and advice,and ye're all great,nice people on here so hopefully ye can


Every once and a while I see or here somthing that reminds me of a certain time in my life,and I can break down.I went through a patch of an eating disorer with a few of my "friends" who then turned on me and my self esteem drastically dropped.Although I had a loving boyfriend at the time I could not fully commit as I was basically messed up.I never told him about our eating disorders,I guess for fear that he might look at me different.

It was stupid because all along I was trying to lose more weight to feel more attractive with him,even though he loved me for who I was to begin with.I was just at a really messed up time in my life,and with the wrong people.
But while I was in that frame of mind,I broke up with him.I felt it wasn't fair to drag him along.Even though I cared for him so much like he dd with me.I still care avout him and were friends so that's great.But I can't help think of what might have been.How happy we could have been,because when I was with him I was happy.

But,what made me upset tonight,is thinking that,ok my "friends" might have crushed me and it was awful etc...but what really kills me,is how I hurt him.It makes me so angry to think how they treated me,resulted in my break up with my boyfriend.
I think back to that time and my eyes flood!How I threw it all away...and for what??
To be miserable?To hurt him?

What do I do people?
Going to a counselor/psychologist would be a good idea.But I need to take some action on my past too,if you know what I mean?I need to make decisons...
I've been told my someone that I should write a letter discribing to my ex about all that I was going through at the time.
But,he has another girlfriend now and I don't want to seem like I'm crossing the line.And I don't want to blamed if they ever broke up

LegacyUser

No one??:(

Wibbs

If I were you, I would try to look on it as a lesson in my life. A hard one but an important one too. I wouldn't write the letter to the ex. I can well understand your need to explain, but he's with someone else now and IMHO it wouldn't do any good. For either of you.

What you could do is write the letter. Get it all out onto the page. Stick it in a drawer and leave it for a few days. Go back to it and read it again and add or subtract bits as you think of other stuff. Basically write the letter for yourself and to yourself. It may sound a bit dr phil, but you're looking to forgive yourself, not him or your mates.

The counseling sounds like a great plan. It would help focus and shine a light on this time in your life and help you move forward. Most of us go through a time of flux and loopyness and uncertainty, where we do things we later regret. Looking back on my own life those dodgy times and the regrets I had actually made my life better in the long run.

Is the eating disorder a thing of the past? It sounds like it from your description. If so that's a helluva movement forward.

LegacyUser

Hi op

I went through same sort of thing. Relationship broke up and put up no fight.

4 years later asked her to meet and told her the story...basically was having a nervous breakdown.

She was suspicious of my motives, had to promise lots of no funny stuff, daytime,coffee. Havent seen her since but i feel that i have now explained myself, and i know she appreciated my honesty.

Be careful that you dont do it in a trying to get back way. Than its destructive and not part of building a better future.

Take care and be strong