sister in law has turned on me

LegacyUser

im certain i will get mixed replies on this one, but am very confused by a situation and not sure what to do.
4 years ago I met a guy on a night out. Met up with him several times afterward, really liked him and then he dropped the bombshell that he was married and just about to have a baby. He told me he his marriage was a sham and that he was unhappy but couldnt leave it because of the baby etc. Against my better judgement and advice from freinds, i continued to see him, even when he told me some time later that his wife was pregnant again. I would have been quite close to my sister in law until this point, and would have confided in her alot but she then became quite negative about the whole situation and just didnt seem to understand anymore (how deep my relationship with this man was and how hard it was for me to walk away from him). I told everyone that i was no longer seeing him (to get them off my back i suppose), and i didnt discuss him with anyone. I had heard that my Sis-in-Law was saying stuff about me behind my back (through mutual friends), and i felt so hurt, and really surprised at her. A year after his 2nd child was born, I found out I was pregnant for him, had to tell my family (devestated) and basically accept that I was going to bring my child up along, as he still could not leave his family (his wife doesnt know anything still)... Everyone in my family, once the shock wore off, has been fantastic, and have supported me & my son beyond what i expected - except my Sis-in-Law - she barely speaks to me anymore, although she has acted lovingly & kind to my child. I tried talking to my brother about it, but he just avoids the issue, saying he doesnt want to get in the middle of the 2 of us... They dont have children themselves and am wondering if its a jealousy thing on her part? Should i jsut ask her why she is being so distant to me or leave her? I really miss her friendship though, she was literally like a sister to me.... thanks

kjl

well, you lied to her, what do you expect. She probably doesn't like how you handled the situation, or the fact that you are technically a home wrecker.

I think she has probably lost a lot of respect for you and truthfully I dont blame her, this guy has been using you since day one and you denied it all along. Ive had similar situations where I have lost respect for friends, sure we made up and all, but it was never the same afterward.

She became negative after you told her his wife was pregnant again, sometimes that's called a slap from reality.

You say you heard the sister in law was saying things behind your back, I would assume this was paranoia due to the fact that you were still in a relationship that all you friends and family told you was wrong for you.

When you had the baby, family can understand, but friends may not.

Its very hard to gain someones respect again, and you may never get it again.

LegacyUser

you lied to her.she probably gave you good advice and listened to you go on and on about this man.You had an affair with a married man with two children. then had a baby with a man who wont leave his wife for you. are you still seeing this man?

maybe she thinks you have issues and doesnt want to be involved with sombody so selfish. frankly, i would be staying as far away from you as possible. You dont listen to your "friends" advice so why would she want to be friends with you.

puglover

I wouldn't be so quick to jump to the conclusion that it is jealousy, she was obviously very disappointed in you long before you fell pregnant, I would imagine the fact that you continued the affair and lied to her about it was the last straw. Surely you can understand that some people do not want to associate with people who's behaviour is in conflict with their own morals?

There is no harm in initiating a conversation about it with her. Be prepared for hearing some harsh truths however and also be prepared for the fact that she may not want to rekindle the friendship.

R.D. aka MR.D

I wouldn't think it is jealously. She probaly believed you when you told her the marraige was a sham but when it became obvious it wasn't, when they had a second baby, she realised what happened.

She is a married woman and probaly sees you as the kind of person that she would hate. Imagine your brother was doing that to her!

I don't blame her for being cold with you. If she is loving with your child that shows that she is not a bad person. She is probaly torn between being a friend to you and being disgusted by what you are doing.

Also people get sick of other peoples mess. if you listen to a person enough and they don't take your advice then you get fed up.

Sorry if this sounds harsh but your obviously comfortable with what your doing.

Salome

I think it became hard for her to be your friend when your boyfriend's wife had the second child - perhaps she understood your situation more when she believed that the marriage was a sham. When it became obvious that it wasn't a sham, she couldn't be supportive anymore. How can she be understanding of a situation that she abhors? It's probably best that she doesn't talk to you because you might not like to hear what she really thinks. And she's doing you a favour by keeping her distance.

Unregistered

Unregistered wrote: »

Met up with him several times afterward, really liked him and then he dropped the bombshell that he was married and just about to have a baby. He told me he his marriage was a sham and that he was unhappy but couldnt leave it because of the baby etc. Against my better judgement and advice from freinds, i continued to see h... he still could not leave his family (his wife doesnt know anything still)...

That's what they all say. Every last married cheating man, it's always "i'm the only one who understands him, he can't leave, his marriage is a sham", and meanwhile he's at home playing happy families with the wife and kids with his bit on the side kept neatly in line. Read any other thread with "the other woman" in this forum, you'll see it yourself.

I don't blame your sister in law, I wouldn't want anything to do with you either.
Oh and bringing up the fact she's childless and trying to blame it on jealousy is so selfish and low and blind I can't believe it. She's not happy BECAUSE YOU ARE A HOMEWRECKER WHO LIED TO HER. Get that through your skull. You need a serious dose of cop-the-hell-on.

Nevyn

bluewolf less of the antagonistic posting please.

Any personal abuse directed at the op will result in a ban.

0utshined

Are you still involved with him? It could be that your sister in law just really disaproves of what you are doing and wants to minimise contact with you. As she's married it may be an issue that's close to home for her.

LegacyUser

yes i am still involved with him - he is the father of my child, and i want him my sons life. we tried to do the 'be friends' thing - i would rather have it that way, than not have him in our lives at all. He doesnt want to walk out on his young children, i understand this. I wish constantly things had turned out differently, but you cant help who you fall in love with. I Understand she may be disappointed in me, and yes perhaps she has lost respect for me, but I hoped I could find a way to rebuild our relationship with each other. I will try talking to her and be prepared for what i hear.

ellie1

the saddest thing of all is that there is three children here. Your son , why oh why? We tried to be friends. He is using you and will never leave his wife. we all make mistakes, thats how we learn. You haven,t. What are you teaching your child?