please help

LegacyUser

hi everyone, sorry abot the long post

im in a bit of a dilema here and im not sure where to head with this!!basically i have been going out with this guy for about 9 1/2 years and like every couple i suppose we have our ups and downs. he is a very jealous guy and it doesnt help the fact that im the only female in the company in which i work. i was out on a work night out on Thursday night in which yet again i was the only female, so i decided to bring a few of my friends with me.

we were having a great night out and everyone was getting on well. i suppose everyone had quite a bit to drink, i was dancing with some of my colleagues and chatting like normal. i was chatting to one man i work with who is married for quite some time and has five kids. i get on quite well with this person and only think of him as a friend like all the guys i work with. im only in my early twenties and i suppose i am quite naive when it comes to men, this particular man called me over to a different bar in the pub and told me how beautiful and good looking i was and that he wanted to kiss me before he went home. i was so stunned that when he leaned in for the kiss all of a sudden, i just froze. i stopped him immediately and called him over to another side of the pub and told him that i couldnt do that that it was very sleazy and that i had a boyfriend. i just walked away back to my friends very upset.

the thing is i dont know if anyone seen this and took it up the wrong way and it either gets back to his wife or my boyfriend. i actually had to ring in sick today because i coulnt face going to work im that upset and i hate confrontational scenes. i am due to go to portugal with my boyfriend on Sunday for 2 weeks and i hate having this on my mind, i really want to tell him but i know the holiday will be ruined, and im thinking of waiting until we get bacck home but then he will want to know why i didnt tell him sooner. as i said he is very jealous and i know he will flip out when i tell him. i dont know what to do with work either, should i confront him, I just dont know what to do at all. please help me this is really eating me up

thank you

mbren

Hey Op,

In my opinion, and it is only an opinion, I think you shouldn't say anything to your boyfriend. There is no point in making him jealous when he has no reason to be. You acted like a loyal girlfriend and backed away from that kiss so it obviously meant nothing to you.

If you told your boyfriend, either now or when you get back from holidays it would just cause unnecessary arguments.

Go on holidays, have a great time, enjoy yourself and forget about that creep in work.

Take it easy,

M.

LegacyUser

I dont think that you will achieve anything by telling your bf. You did nothing wrong in this case and there's no point in blowing it out of proportion if he is the jealous type. As for your work mate, you have two weeks away from work to put this behind you. When you go back to work be professional with this person but dont engage in any friendly chat with him. If he brings up the night with you just say that you didnt appreciate his behaviour but that you just want to forget it & move on. Enjoy your holiday!

SarahMc

Why would your bf flip? Married man makes pass at woman - shock horror, unfortunatley there are lots of such sleazy men. You blew him off, so have no reason to be guilty/worried/aprehensive.

To me, the red flag is you feel your holiday would be ruined if you told your bf.

LegacyUser

yep i agree with the above posts, dont say anything.

i bet even if the kiss hadn't happened and you told your boyfriend 1 of the guys at work told you you're good looking he'd prob flip out at that let alone a kiss.. if you tell him he'll prob be paranoid that this guy is annoying you in work 5 days a week.

Terodil

You have absolutely nothing to defend yourself for. It's eating you up, it's a problem you are experiencing, and your relationship should be there to help you over it. I agree with SarahMC completely.

I'd suggest getting it out of the system. Tell him exactly what you told us. He's probably going to be angry at first, but it's an undirected rage. He'll see what a great gf you are once the steam is gone, and it may even help him to get over the 'jealousy issues' you mention, because it demonstrates your steadfastness.

I think you two will actually get out the stronger for it.

VaioCruiser

If you are looking after yourself - you will tell him.

If you are looking after him - you will stay silent.

This is what you get when you join up with an jealous, controlling guy and you have a whole life of it to look forward to.


All the best.

LegacyUser

hi guys,
thank you for all the replies i appreciate them greatly. I will definitely take the advice on board, thanks again!

In relation to VaioCruisers post, i havent joined up with a controlling guy, im quite an independent person. Yes he is jealous but doesnt take anything out on me im just worried he will go after this other guy and i dont want him to get himself into trouble. Ive been going out with my boyfriend for over 9 years and am very happy with him.

Once again thanks a million for everyone who has replied