Don't get asked out

LegacyUser

My problem is I don't get asked out. I always seem to have to ask the guy out. Im good looking and friendly. And if I do ask the guy out they usually say yes. But how come Im not approached? But if I go over to the guy he chats away. Im not standing there with a scowl on my face or anything, so whats the problem?

Trail_Blazer

Men are intimidated by your good looks, most likely.

LegacyUser

op here - even if im laughing with friends, smiling etc? im not unapproachable.

Terodil

Could be numerous reasons. If you are always part of a group, if your body language is subtly negative, if you're too attractive and everybody assumes you're already in a relationship, etc etc etc it's all going to reduce the chances of you being chatted up.

On the upside, I personally think you shouldn't even care. There are a lot of women who complain about being chatted up all the time. You can take your pick, and besides, it's only the very, very first step in anything that follows. Nobody is ever going to worry about it later.

VaioCruiser

Hi OP. As the other have said there could be lots of possible reasons that we cannot possibly know.

All the best

legend365

Would you like to go for some ice-cream?



Your problem is solved.

LegacyUser

Unregistered wrote: »

op here - even if im laughing with friends, smiling etc? im not unapproachable.

so not even a flinch at the suggestion that you are too goodlooking to get chatted up ? Perhaps you are too aware you are good looking. instant turn off

LegacyUser

op here - well i dont get that - i thought good looking women should get chatted up all the time no???? men are hardly that intimidated by me.

LegacyUser

Hi OP, I'm with you on this one.

I am good looking or at least make the most of myself and rarely if ever get chatted up.

Im not being full of it here but a guy came up to me last night and said I was the most beautiful woman in the bar and he just had to say hello (Must have had the beer goggles on :-)) but turned out he was engaged!!! Typical.

Another night a group of guy told me after I got chatting to them that they though I was engaged as I had a diamond ring on my finger - when I pointed out it was a different finger they told me that most guys see a ring and just say engaged.

Very hard to get chatted up it seems. and the begrudgers on here will say we r too cocky as we think we are good looking but in fairness have you seen the women in Dublin lately -most women out there are stunning!!! Lots of competition. Men have their pick

LegacyUser

op here - the thing i find annoying is i have a friend - she is NOT good looking and she is really quiet but she always has a boyfreind, always. In fairness I wont go out with someone just for the sake of it. And when I dont get chatted up she looks at me sometimes like - you poor thing! Im great I have a boyfriend (yeah he's a minger darling) So when I make the effort to talk to guys she's kinda like 'Let them go after you, if they don't they are not interested' and I end up feeling like an idiot cause I make the first move. I can't win ps i know people will say im a horrible friend for what i said but im just saying it like it is.

legend365

Maybe go out on your own some place you've never been before and see how many times you get chatted up?

Easier to approach a single girl than a group of even 2 or 3.

Phlann

Unregistered wrote: »

op here - the thing i find annoying is i have a friend - she is NOT good looking and she is really quiet but she always has a boyfreind, always. In fairness I wont go out with someone just for the sake of it. And when I dont get chatted up she looks at me sometimes like - you poor thing! Im great I have a boyfriend (yeah he's a minger darling) So when I make the effort to talk to guys she's kinda like 'Let them go after you, if they don't they are not interested' and I end up feeling like an idiot cause I make the first move. I can't win ps i know people will say im a horrible friend for what i said but im just saying it like it is.

I suddenly have a mental image of you wearing too much fake tan, with a massive hair-do that you're convinced looks 'fab' (but actually looks terrible) and standing in a corner of a club with a dirty sour face on you.

Please confirm.

Zaph

Phlann wrote: »

I suddenly have a mental image of you wearing too much fake tan, with a massive hair-do that you're convinced looks 'fab' (but actually looks terrible) and standing in a corner of a club with a dirty sour face on you.

Please confirm.

Phlann, off-topic or unhelpful posts may get you infracted or banned. Please read the charter if you need further clarification.

John Mason

Unregistered wrote: »

op here - the thing i find annoying is i have a friend - she is NOT good looking and she is really quiet but she always has a boyfreind, always. In fairness I wont go out with someone just for the sake of it. And when I dont get chatted up she looks at me sometimes like - you poor thing! Im great I have a boyfriend (yeah he's a minger darling) So when I make the effort to talk to guys she's kinda like 'Let them go after you, if they don't they are not interested' and I end up feeling like an idiot cause I make the first move. I can't win ps i know people will say im a horrible friend for what i said but im just saying it like it is.

hmm, i think this post clearly demonstrates the reason for your problems.

sorry but i think you re-read what you have written as a third party. beauty is only skin deep and if you have a bad attitude inside it shows on the outside. sorry, a change of attitude may improve your chances

Katgurl

Unregistered wrote: »

op here - the thing i find annoying is i have a friend - she is NOT good looking and she is really quiet but she always has a boyfreind, always. In fairness I wont go out with someone just for the sake of it. And when I dont get chatted up she looks at me sometimes like - you poor thing! Im great I have a boyfriend (yeah he's a minger darling) So when I make the effort to talk to guys she's kinda like 'Let them go after you, if they don't they are not interested' and I end up feeling like an idiot cause I make the first move. I can't win ps i know people will say im a horrible friend for what i said but im just saying it like it is.

you're not saying it how it is, you're saying it how you see it and frankly its a really ugly way to view the world. maybe your friend isn't catwalk material but she no doubt has other attractive qualities, same applies for her boyfriend the "minger". nd perhaps she isn't trying to make you feel bad, maybe she's trying to be helpful and aware that being overly-available coupled with totally self-obsessed is a huge turnoff.

LegacyUser

Katgurl wrote: »

you're not saying it how it is, you're saying it how you see it and frankly its a really ugly way to view the world. maybe your friend isn't catwalk material but she no doubt has other attractive qualities, same applies for her boyfriend the "minger". nd perhaps she isn't trying to make you feel bad, maybe she's trying to be helpful and aware that being overly-available coupled with totally self-obsessed is a huge turnoff.

see why do people turn on me if i think im good looking? Phelm or whatever saying i have big hair and in orange, and others saying im self obsessed! All wrong. If i posted here saying i think im ugly i dont get asked out im sure id get sympathetic posts. But when someone is confident and like how they look its scowled against, trying to make them feel bad, making to think - am i took self obsessed and obsessed with my looks, AM I WRONG! Ireland is a great place for jealousy and begrudgers.

Zaph

Unregistered wrote: »

see why do people turn on me if i think im good looking? Phelm or whatever saying i have big hair and in orange, and others saying im self obsessed! All wrong. If i posted here saying i think im ugly i dont get asked out im sure id get sympathetic posts. But when someone is confident and like how they look its scowled against, trying to make them feel bad, making to think - am i took self obsessed and obsessed with my looks, AM I WRONG! Ireland is a great place for jealousy and begrudgers.

There's no problem with being confident about yourself or your looks, nobody said there was. However you're quite correct in saying that Ireland is a great place for jealousy and begrudgery, one only has to read your post about your friend and her boyfriend for proof of that. Your attitude towards them is appalling, and if you're like that with your friends there's a pretty good chance that you project that level of hostility toward the world in general, which may explain why men don't approach you.

Phlann

Unregistered wrote: »

see why do people turn on me if i think im good looking? Phelm or whatever saying i have big hair and in orange, and others saying im self obsessed! All wrong. If i posted here saying i think im ugly i dont get asked out im sure id get sympathetic posts. But when someone is confident and like how they look its scowled against, trying to make them feel bad, making to think - am i took self obsessed and obsessed with my looks, AM I WRONG! Ireland is a great place for jealousy and begrudgers.

Do you honestly believe that it's because you're 'confident' that people turned on you in this thread?

Have a read over that post about your friend. We have turned on you because you don't sound like a nice person and we now suspect this is the reason you don't get chatted up...

LegacyUser

well i don't know why i should be sympathetic towards a person who will date 'anything' to get attention and then her feeling sorry for me because i have pride in myself and not date the first thing that comes my way. But my point is just because im good looking why don't guys approach me? They can't know im a 'B***H' just by looking at me. Also, i asked my ex out, we were together for 4 years. When we were together a while i asked would you have asked me out if i didnt ask you? He said no, because he thought i wouldnt be interested. So i said even though you fancied me, you wouldnt have asked me out? He said no. Only for i made the move we have never dated at all!!!

Katgurl

Unregistered wrote: »

see why do people turn on me if i think im good looking? Phelm or whatever saying i have big hair and in orange, and others saying im self obsessed! All wrong. If i posted here saying i think im ugly i dont get asked out im sure id get sympathetic posts. But when someone is confident and like how they look its scowled against, trying to make them feel bad, making to think - am i took self obsessed and obsessed with my looks, AM I WRONG! Ireland is a great place for jealousy and begrudgers.

i most certainly am not jealous of you. i also feel lucky (and that's mainly what pleasant aesthetics are - good luck, something you should feel grateful for, not something that makes you better than your peers) with how i look but well aware that if i harboured the type of resentful hostility you seem to, then i wouldn't be getting chatted up either despite my looks. people are drawn to girls who are a) yes goodlooking but also b) fun / interesting c) pleasant to be around.

you don't sound confident, you sound bitter & cold. the fact that you can't understand the mutual attraction between your friend & her boyfriend despite their lack of good looks (and we only have your word for that) suggests a complete absence of insight.

I suggest you work on your own attitude to yourself and try to view yourself as a whole person ie. your interests / passions as apposed to just your appearance and you might have more success attracting men.

Katgurl

Unregistered wrote: »

well i don't know why i should be sympathetic towards a person who will date 'anything' to get attention and then her feeling sorry for me because i have pride in myself and not date the first thing that comes my way. But my point is just because im good looking why don't guys approach me? They can't know im a 'B***H' just by looking at me. Also, i asked my ex out, we were together for 4 years. When we were together a while i asked would you have asked me out if i didnt ask you? He said no, because he thought i wouldnt be interested. So i said even though you fancied me, you wouldnt have asked me out? He said no. Only for i made the move we have never dated at all!!!

who is saying you should feel sorry for your 'friend'? although TBH i do feel sorry for her, i can't imagine why she is spending her time with a person who feels such a level of contempt towards her.

again, have you considered that her advice to you isn't driven by sympathy but a concern that you are doing yourself a disservice if you are always approaching guys instead of giving them a chance to come to you.

LegacyUser

im not ALWAYS approaching guys but if I didnt, id only get the drunk idiots at the end of the night approaching me. And i am friendly and sound, I just don't go with anyone. I don't understand why guys are afraid to approach good looking girls? Do all good looking girls have 'B***H' across their heads? I think not.

Rhymenocerous

1) That post that everyone is referring to doesn't show you in a good light at all. I suggest you re-read it and try to figure out that your comments about your friend are not nice at all, and a justification of 'just being honest' or 'calling it like it is' is a fallacy and I suspect a way of trying to make yourself feel better for making comments like that.

2) The issue at hand. You may well be beautiful, but to be honest most people aren't jealous. In my experience that's usually used by people to try to mask issues and placate themselves. When 'chatting up', in my experience (as a man), a lot of men tend to make assumptions. Assumption: good looking girls are probably attached. Assumption: Good looking girls will probably just fob you off.

This might be part of your issue. To be honest, it's probably a number of things, and if your recent post is an indication of your general attitude, then it's probably eradiating from your body language and putting people off.

Also, in my experience, to be 'chatted up' is not something to aspire to in life. It's usually bell ends that chat girls up in clubs, so you may be better off making contact yourself.

LegacyUser

op here - what are bell ends? I know being chatted up is not everything but it would be nice for the guy to approach me once in a while. Instead of me doing the approaching and my 'friend' making me to feel stupid for approaching the guy. And il say it again, i don't give off a nasty wibe.

Rhymenocerous

A bell end is the same as saying dick head.

Well, your friend shouldn't be making you feel bad for approaching guys. It's 2009, not 1969, it's perfectly okay for a girl to approach a guy.

As I said, it might be because blokes think you're too hot to be single so don't bother. A lot of people also put too much focus on 'leagues' and tend to think certain people are out of their league, which is total crap. Anyway, try not to worry about it too much, because being chatted up in a night club is not a great way to get into a relationship anyway, if you ask me.

LegacyUser

Sorry but You dont really project a fun attitude at all , too much focus on your looks and why guys don't chat you up.plus youre attitude towards youre friend is horrible . Get that out of your head that people are jealous of you because you are good looking ,that way of thinking doesn't serve you at all.

Instead cultivate love for people for what they are , mingers or whatever and when you walk into the bar smile from ear to ear.

Irish girls have this perception that theyre hot and the fact of the matter theyre not . In Austin where i lived for a while there's disgustingly attractive women everywhere and they are lovely, fun lively girls.

Btw I've been told I'm good looking and I've dated a few models.

LegacyUser

Unregistered wrote: »

op here - the thing i find annoying is i have a friend - she is NOT good looking and she is really quiet but she always has a boyfreind, always. In fairness I wont go out with someone just for the sake of it. And when I dont get chatted up she looks at me sometimes like - you poor thing! Im great I have a boyfriend (yeah he's a minger darling) So when I make the effort to talk to guys she's kinda like 'Let them go after you, if they don't they are not interested' and I end up feeling like an idiot cause I make the first move. I can't win ps i know people will say im a horrible friend for what i said but im just saying it like it is.

To be blunt;
If your posts in this thread are a true indication of your personality then i would rather go out with your friend too, no matter what you look like.

Monkey61

Ignoring your attitude for a second OP, why is it so important to you to be chatted up in a nightclub? Is it for a validation of yourself (you do come across as quite insecure)?

Not a single person I know has met their partner by either chatting them up or being chatted up by them in a nightclub. That's not how it works (for most things other than a one night stand). People meet partners at work, through friends, on sports teams, at gigs, or anything where like minded people who share a certain interest come together. A lot of people have realised this by the time you get to the age that you are past the whole "teenage disco picking up randomers to kiss on the dancefloor" stage and thus the focus of a lot of people's nights out is to have fun with their friends and not to go on the prowl for a relationship.

ManOfMystery

I would say it's because nightclubs are really places where people are picked up based on looks. It's usually too noisy to have a good conversation or get to know someone well, so you tend to go for whatever attracts you and hope you can manage enough chit-chat to have a snog or whatever.

OP, I would suggest looking farther afield and not focusing so much on how you look, but more how you project yourself to potential partners.

I'm a man, and we may be dumb at times, but most of us have a knack for detecting certain subtleties from women - namely when they have an attitude or a bit stand-offish. I've noted it a million times in bar and nightclub scenarios and for that reason, haven't approached the girl at all - I'd much prefer to be with someone fun who doesn't take themselves too seriously, even if they're no supermodel.