Constant arguing

Lady Muck

Where do I start?

Since we have moved house a month ago (previously lived in a flat together for a year), we have bickered and argued over anything and everything.

I don't know how to break the cycle, I have asked him if he thinks we should split, he doesn't want to, but he won't sit and chat to sort things out, he just speaks over me then says let it go. Until the next time.

I make him unhappy because I am worried he is looking elsewhere as he has distanced himself from me, this insecurity is driving him further away, he tells me it makes me unattractive so then I become even more insecure because I am pushing him away, in his words. I can't get over my paranoia. If he was close and affectionate and we had regular sex, I wouldn't worry about other women. I feel unattractive when he doesn't want sex.

I keep checking internet history, his phone. It is making me crazy.

We have sex maybe once a week now if I am lucky. We used to do practically twice a day. He was diagnosed with depression a few months ago but claims he is ok now but is still moody, he doesn't want his medication anymore insistent he doesn't need it but I don't know whether his moods are down to me or the depression.

If he says he wants to stay with me then why doesn't he want sex or to listen to me when I want to talk?

We bicker over the slightest thing and it is making me down.

How do I turn things around?

LegacyUser

If he has been diagnosed with depression he MUST take his medication. Those suffering from mental illness often feel better after a course of medication and decide they are back to normal and stop taking meds. It is such a common pattern. His mental illness must be treated-it's like someone with a broken leg taking the plaster off before it's fully healed or a cancer patient stopping chemo because they feel ok and think the cancer is gone. I am not trying to be flippant, I hope that's not how I come across, but I have a family member suffering from mental illness who frequently feels 'normal' and comes off meds.
He must go back to his doctor and get checked out-sounds like he has self-diagnosed that he is better and the chemical imbalance in his brain (what mental illness is) is returning-with some meds they must be taken every day or the patient can sink to depths of despair in 24 hours. The family member of mine attempted suicide after such an event even though they seemed 'normal' enough. I hope I'm not rambling and I know med advice is not permitted (pls excuse this mods) but he must seek medical treatment because he is ill. If he had swine flu you would treat it. Depression is an illness like any other that MUST be treated. Get him to a doctor ASAP and tell him how serious the situation is. If he won't go you will have to reasses your position-you are not his mother and should not feel the need to mother him.

Lady Muck

I keep telling him he can't just stop, it is dangerous. He doesn't like the ones he was on because of the side effects but there are so many he could try.

To be quite honest, I am quite a trying girlfriend at times but even when in my mind, things are well, he will pick at me and make snidy comments. Last night we argued over something so insignificant I can't remember then this morning I was woke up by him kissing my head.

I really believe now after reading your reply his depression is setting back in.

Doesn't help that his GP is useless. When I tell him he needs to go back, he thinks I am pecking his head but it is affecting the both of us. I will make him an appointment with a different GP. I know how serious mental illness is even if he doesn't.

LegacyUser

Lady Muck wrote: »

I keep telling him he can't just stop, it is dangerous. He doesn't like the ones he was on because of the side effects but there are so many he could try.

To be quite honest, I am quite a trying girlfriend at times but even when in my mind, things are well, he will pick at me and make snidy comments. Last night we argued over something so insignificant I can't remember then this morning I was woke up by him kissing my head.

I really believe now after reading your reply his depression is setting back in.

Doesn't help that his GP is useless. When I tell him he needs to go back, he thinks I am pecking his head but it is affecting the both of us. I will make him an appointment with a different GP. I know how serious mental illness is even if he doesn't.

If the GP is useless put a complaint into GMC and onto the next one. If he won't go, keep a diary of his ups and downs and show it to him after a week-he needs to realise just how serious this is. He is sick and needs help (as per my post above). You also need help-do his family know about this? It seems a huge burden for you to shoulder alone. Like any illness everyone should rally round to sort it out. I cannot stress how serious this can get-like I said suicidal thoughts can be fatal. As for sex, it is one of the first things to go when someone is depressed, so this is a huge red flag as far as I'm concerned.
If he won't go to a doc, you should, for your own sake-you can't help him if you're not operating at 100%. Best of luck x

Gman1

He is taking out his problems on you.