My future father in law is a homophobic:P(

LegacyUser

Hi all. Im with my fiance 6 years - got engaged after 4 months and met his parents after 8months .His Mam doesnt like me(shes made it v clear), his 2 nannys- father - aunts- cousins all love me. which is super. Love my fiances dad such a nice man, reminds me of my own dad. However i think my future father in law may be homophobic and i have a major prob with that.

It all stemmed last christmas - we popped up to see the inlaws at the start of dec(couldnt go up to them for christmas as we both had to go back to work on 27th dec and his folks live 90 miles away)

Anyway we were watching x factor and will young came up in conversation, and his dad said "Oh wasnt he the gay one, ya thats why i didnt vote for him, bloody ******" . Now i hate homophobics and my jaw dropped. My fiance looked at me as if to say "Dont start a row". My fiances mother then said "Now George stop that if he likes men then he likes men let him be". I just left the room and went to bed. Now i have a major prob with homphobics. My father is 67 and has no prob with gay people so it cant be a generation thing because my father in laws only hit 50.

Me and my fella have a load of gay friends, what is going to happen at our wedding is his father gonna avoid everyone there whos gay(and theres a good few of them) What if one of our kids is a homosexual- is he going to disown them? My fiance said "oh if one of our kids is gay we dont have to tell my dad" AHHHH of course we do im not going to hide my child away if he/she is gay.

I feel sick. This happened 9 months ago but i was up in his folks house last week and there was a gay man stabbed in their town and his dad went "thats what he gets for liking men"

oH GOD! I FEEL SICK.i love my fiance to bits but cant handle the fact his dad is a homophobic

dudara

Really minor detail, but someone can be a homophobe or is homophobic.

A fair few men, especially older ones, can feel this way. That doesn't mean he would feel that way if one of your kids turned out to be gay and that doesn't mean he'll make an embarassing mess of your wedding day.

Really, I think that you're making a wee bit of a mountain out a molehill here. You won't be living with the man or dealing with him everyday. It would be nice if he didn't make remarks like that, but not everyone is PC and :OK with the gays".

Das Kitty

You're marrying your fiancee, not his family.

Any children you have will not be homophobic. Your FIL will not make a scene at your wedding over your gay friends due to the phobic part of homophobic, and also that you didn't see this side to him for ages after meeting him.

I don't see a problem with your liking a person who is homophobic provided he's not acting on it. My mother is quite homophobic, but knows by now to keep her gob shut around me about it. I disagree strongly with her in this area but I still love and respect her. I don't see it as a conflict.

With a lot of people like this the only time their views are truly challenged is when they find out someone close to them is gay and quite a few go completely the other way when this happens and defend gay people to the death afterward.

snowy2008

your being way too sensitive here, its his opinion which hes entitled too, if you "love" him so much just let it slide, chill out!!!

cowzerp

Assuming your gay friends dont have a big orgy on the dance floor when its raining men comes on i dont see the problem, some people are homophobic-so what! assuming he does not go around gay bashing.

Not everyone has to conform to your way of thinking.
I hate all the PC stuff, Im PCphobic!

Penn

While he may be homophobic in his own home and making jokes at their expense, he may be the kind of person who will keep his opinions to himself if in the company of gay people.

I think you're worrying too much about this. Unless you feel that he may actually threaten violence against a gay person or something, I'd say its nothing to worry about

squonk

OP Full marks for standing up for your opinion but you're being a bit over sensitive here. Your FIL is as entitled to his opinion as any of us. Ok, so he's vocal but that can't be helped.

As for your wedding, I can't see that being a major problem. I've lots of gay frineds myself and they don't go around with big signs on them to point out they're gay as you know. At most they'll just exchange pleasantaries with your FIL on the day and there'll be no more communication. Even if he does notice that some of them are gay, what'll happen? He'll mouth off to himself of your MIL and that'll be it.

As for one of your children being gay, will you stop worrying needlessly? That possibility is quite small and timewise it's a long way off. You will have plenty of time to worry about that scenario if it happens. For now, enjoy your wedding day and leave everyone to have a good time. You have to remember that even the most opinionated of people usually try to behave well on an occasion such as a wedding, especially if it's a family one. You can bet your FIL will be so up to 90 on the day he won't have time to do dance floor spot checks for the lads on the big pink bus!

kmick

If you spend your life worrying about what other people think you will drive yourself crazy. Thankfully the thought police do not currently exist.

philologos

OP: Would you or your boyfriend or both discuss with him about your feelings on the issue? First and foremost people are people. Why their sexuality should have any bearing on their talent in relation to X-Factor is beyond me. Certainly if he were at your wedding and if you had gay friends at the wedding you would want to reach some form of an understanding before it took place.

There is a difference between having disagreement in terms of morality on the issue from actively hating people who don't live the same way you do. That's the difference between disagreement and intolerance.

All people should be regarded as people first.

petethebrick

Seriously - chill out!!!! So what if his dad is homophobic - how does that affect you? Just forget about it.

Beruthiel

OP let it go.
I haven't a clue how my own parents think on this subject.
I've never brought it up as it 'may' be opening a can of worms I'd rather not argue about.
I'm not even sure if my mother realises that she has/had two gay brothers (one's dead RIP). That topic never once raised it's head.
They come from a generation that for the most part, have no clue how to handle or discuss this.
Bring your gay friends to your wedding.
Say nothing and just leave it to him to handle it however he wishes.

ManOfMystery

meh... wrote: »

oH GOD! I FEEL SICK.

Don't you think you're being a bit overdramatic here? You're not homosexual and obviously your fiance isn't either. So whatever way his father feels will not really have any impact on you. I agree with the others, you're making a bit of a mountain out of a molehill.

The man has his own opinions, so leave him to them. It doesn't even mean he's homophobic in the sense that he would gladly kill all gays; some of my friends have come out with similar things in the past about gay celebrities like Will Young etc, yet when they're around gay people in person they're fine. Sometimes people just make off the cuff remarks because they have a certain feeling on something, but that feeling is not strong enough for them to be rude or make a show of themselves. Seriously, chill out.

Eve_Dublin

I know how you feel to some extent OP. I used to go out with an American for a couple of years from a middle class background from a very Southern state of America and his dad came to visit us when I spent time over there. The dad was the stereotypical Southern American and he was a racist. The first comment he made within 10 minutes of meeting him was, "Those blacks have no right to be walking down MY street". I couldn't believe it, I'd never heard anything like it in my life and I didn't know how to react. I gave my ex a look to see if he reacted. He didn't. He was obviously used to it. As the night went on and more whiskeys were drunk, the more vitriolic the hatred became...it was scary...referring to the old man who cut his grass as "boy", talking about how his secretary was quite smart "for a n*****r"!! Un-effing-believable! I said nothing for the night and went to bed early.

I had to spend a whole week with this man and my ex (although I made my excuses sometimes and did my own thing). I know my ex didn't share his dad's views in the slightest and he did try to have a word with him to keep him in check and calm him down. I just had to bite my tongue all week..I'd occassionally throw in the odd, "Wow" or "Is that how you really feel?" or try to challenge him politely now and then but I knew I just had to keep my big mouth shut for the sake of peace and for the sake of my ex because he was clearly mortified. I wasn't going out with his dad, my ex didn't share his views and I wouldn't see all that much of him...you can't choose your family OP and in fairness, the only connection you'll have with this man is that you're marrying his son. You'll just have to tolerate him and his views, I'm afraid...he's not going to change them any time soon. I don't think your own father-in-law-to-be is anywhere NEAR as hateful as my ex's dad from what you say.

This kind of opinion is very common among men, even young men but as Dudara pointed out, if it came to the crunch and you had a gay son or brought an openly gay relation to the wedding, he'd be on his best behaviour, I can guarantee you that. My own dad (who's in his early 70's) is a homophobe but has an openly gay cousin he gets along great with and I've no doubt he'd still love us if any of us were gay. It's a shame people have to be so closed-minded but for the sake of peace, you'll just have to put up with it.

Reflector

teresa2008 wrote: »

your being way too sensitive here, its his opinion which hes entitled too, if you "love" him so much just let it slide, chill out!!!

Woah there is a difference between having an opinion and being an ignorant arsehole. But I do think that you should let this one go. as long as your OH doesnt share his fathers views then there is no point in causing a fuss. Believe me your gay friends wont be spending a lot of time with him even at your wedding and if you do have a gay son you'd be suprised how quickly people change their tune when its one of your own. My own father is an example.

Irishcrx

Your never going to change his opinion by forcing yours on him, you'll only damage your future relationship with him. Most likely judging by his reactions he is also a stubburn man and set in his ways, I wouldn't rise him. Accept his opinion and try not to get worked up about it.

He dislikes homosexuals for one reason or another.

You don't.

Simple as.

pwd

did you say you got engaged after four months?
Weird.
Just keep quiet and bide your time. Next time his dad says something like that, stare at him and say "Fuck you, you ignorant cunt" and keep staring at him. That way he'll either have to back down or fight you.

LegacyUser

pwd wrote: »

did you say you got engaged after four months?
Weird.

how is it weird? and more so to the point its nothing to do with the thread

TwoShedsJackson

My dad is pretty unreconstructed when it comes to homosexuality, there were about a half dozen gay men at my wedding a few years back so my wife put him sitting beside one of the campest ones of the lot he thought he was a lovely bloke.

Didn't really change his attitudes much, but at that age you're not going to be able to. Let it go, especially if you've made it known you think differently - it's not him you'll be marrying.

Monkey61

That is horrible OP and I think it is great that you are actually bothered by that as too many people just accept that. I know people are entitled to their opinions but when it comes to negative and discriminatory feeling against people because of who they fancy or the colour of their skin it really shouldn't be acceptable and needs to be challenged.

Anyway, you are marrying your boyfriend though, not his father. Christ my girlfriend's father isn't mad into the gays, but he has to deal with it because his daughter is gay and he loves her and every time he sees the two of us together and stuff I'd like to think it is making him reconsider his prejudices.

What I would do though for a start, is definitely tell your boyfriend that you will not be lying to his father if one of your kids turns out to be gay. Also next time it comes up with his Dad you could laugh it off and say "Well, I'll certainly not be having any of that kind of talk around my kids in the future thanks very much, imagine how they would feel to hear that if one of them was gay."

These kind of things definitely deserve to be confronted (in a gentle polite manner of course), because as you say yourself it would be absolutely awful if one of your kids turned out to be gay and they had to hear stuff like that from Grandad.