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Dying To Contact Ex

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  • 13-08-2009 8:39pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    broke up with ex a few months ago, he finished with me, and i've been doing the no contact thing for 2 months but its killing me now. i really really want to contact him but i know i'll be back to square one then and don't know if my heart can take it anymore.

    what do you do to try to get through this? its my first time going through this and its so hard to not be in touch with him anymore


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    #2
    tbh
    Closed Accounts Posts: 15,914 ✭✭✭✭tbh


    you just have to take it one day at a time. When you start thinking about your ex, make a physicall effort to think about something else instead. Don't allow yourself to "indulge" in daydreaming about your ex - it serves no purpose. I've said it many times on here - it's like hitting the snooze button on an alarm. It puts the pain off, but you'll just have to deal with it later. So, try and get yourself into positive thought patterns to help you through.


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    #3
    Liam Byrne
    Closed Accounts Posts: 18,163 ✭✭✭✭Liam Byrne


    What do you want to contact him FOR ?

    He finished with you, so it's over.

    Give me ONE good reason why you want to get in touch with him, and I'll say "go ahead", but remember that if you get in touch for chit-chat then you might find out that he has a new girlfriend or something that you don't want to hear.

    Getting on with exes is great, but it takes a LOT longer than 2 months, especially if you two were anyway serious.


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    #4
    Toodles09
    Registered Users Posts: 13 ✭Toodles09


    OP, well done on not contacting him for 2 months.....first few months are hardest....you're well on the way to moving on. Get yourself out there....meet your friends, a few nights out, take up a new hobby. It will be best for you in the end. Good luck :)


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    #5
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Toodles09 wrote: »
    OP, well done on not contacting him for 2 months..

    OP here, Thanks Toodles, i am so proud of myself that i was able to get through the 2 months as I thought i'd never do that but i am finding it tough now.

    As liam byrne said i'd hate to hear something that i didn't want to hear so i'm actually trying to get it into my head that he has a new gf eventhough the idea of that kills me but i have to be in that frame of mind to put myself off him and at least try to move on.


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    #6
    legend365
    Closed Accounts Posts: 460 ✭✭legend365


    Unregistered wrote: »
    what do you do to try to get through this?

    *Turns on the joey tribiani voice* Hey, how you doin? ;)


    ..really though one way to get over him is to meet someone new.



    P.S. ....yes i dont know how to spell joey's second name


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    #7
    Sephiroth_dude
    Moderators, Computer Games Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators Posts: 80,035 Mod ✭✭✭✭Sephiroth_dude


    Dont contact him,you'll be taking a step backwards and thats never good.


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    #8
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Unregistered wrote: »
    broke up with ex a few months ago, he finished with me, and i've been doing the no contact thing for 2 months but its killing me now. i really really want to contact him but i know i'll be back to square one then and don't know if my heart can take it anymore.

    what do you do to try to get through this? its my first time going through this and its so hard to not be in touch with him anymore

    Ah you poor thing. Listen to good advice from me and others and DO NOT contact him. I decided 2 months ago as well never to have anything to do with my Ex. I thought I would never be able to do that but I did. I have never been happier or stronger and I have moved on.

    The only reason you will be contacting him is to satisfy a want in you to be near him, to get his attention. Remember, he is not your friend. I have dated some amazing people since my Ex - there are more fish in sea so don't let this person consume your life cos they will if you stay in touch with them.

    He has knocked your confidence and self esteem and you are vunerable right now. I know it hurts but no contact is the only way to beat it and get back on track. You'll look back at this some day and think "Christ, what was I ever thinking!"

    Good luck
    :-)


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    #9
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Unregistered wrote: »
    Ah you poor thing. Listen to good advice from me and others and DO NOT contact him. I decided 2 months ago as well never to have anything to do with my Ex. I thought I would never be able to do that but I did. I have never been happier or stronger and I have moved on.

    The only reason you will be contacting him is to satisfy a want in you to be near him, to get his attention. Remember, he is not your friend. I have dated some amazing people since my Ex - there are more fish in sea so don't let this person consume your life cos they will if you stay in touch with them.

    He has knocked your confidence and self esteem and you are vulnerable right now. I know it hurts but no contact is the only way to beat it and get back on track. You'll look back at this some day and think "Christ, what was I ever thinking!"

    Good luck
    :-)


    Thanks so much for the advice.

    I'm feeling differently today. No way I'm gonna contact him. He did knock my confidence and self esteem so much and I'll never forgive him for that. I felt worthless. Unfortunately I am still consumed by him and he's in my mind constantly but the only thing I know how to do now is not contact him so I have to stick with that.

    I'm praying for that day that I think Christ what was I ever thinking!
    In my mind I can't imagine ever not being mad about him but I have to keep moving forward taking it one day at a time. I still picture us together in my head. God thats so stupid.


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    #10
    tbh
    Closed Accounts Posts: 15,914 ✭✭✭✭tbh


    Unregistered wrote: »
    . I still picture us together in my head. God thats so stupid.

    it's perfectly normal! it usually takes your mental image a while to update. I'm 35 but when I dream, I'm still in school - sad case. I think you'll notice the changes soon. You naturally won't believe me when I tell you this, but before you know it you'll only have about three memories of this guy in your head, most likely good ones. Just keep on keeping on.


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    #11
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    tbh wrote: »
    Just keep on keeping on.

    OP Here

    Those are the exact words that I say to myself all the time now!!

    I hate the term 'moving on'.......maybe cause I don't like having to detach to that extent.....so I just keep on keeping on. think I've gotten quite good at this.

    Thanks tbh.


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    #12
    G86
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,660 ✭✭✭G86


    Unregistered wrote: »
    broke up with ex a few months ago, he finished with me, and i've been doing the no contact thing for 2 months but its killing me now. i really really want to contact him but i know i'll be back to square one then and don't know if my heart can take it anymore.

    what do you do to try to get through this? its my first time going through this and its so hard to not be in touch with him anymore

    The main thing is to distract yourself, build yourself a life without him. After a while you'll really start not to care that much..an eventually you won't care at all. But don't give him the satisfaction of thinking you're waiting there for him to take you back. He decided he didn't want to be with you, so why waste time thinking about someone who isn't thinking about you?

    I know it's hard not to drunk dial/text or even log onto his facebook page etc., but he's not a part of your life anymore and you need to completely cut him out for a while at least in order to get over things and move on.

    Maybe in a few months you'll feel better about things and it won't be as raw; and maybe you could get in touch then, but you definitely can't be friends with someone you still have feelings for - someone always gets hurt.


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    #13
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Unregistered wrote: »
    broke up with ex a few months ago, he finished with me, and i've been doing the no contact thing for 2 months but its killing me now. i really really want to contact him but i know i'll be back to square one then and don't know if my heart can take it anymore.

    what do you do to try to get through this? its my first time going through this and its so hard to not be in touch with him anymore

    i know how your feeling, my ex finished with me the other day. He still texts but i find that so hard too. i thought personally no contact woule be good for a while to let your heart heal i know this is easier said than done. but maybe take a breather for a little cause if you contact him that will be hard too. All i want to say when i txt my ex is take me back and it would end in dissappointment


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