Should i just leave her alone?

LegacyUser

Long story short. When i was 21 i started going out with a 24 years old girl. It was both of our first serious relationships. It got very serious very quickly and in some ways was the best time of my life. I had never been so close to anyone before. I loved her so much but something went wrong and it just went bad. We were on and off for almost 3 years in full.

I was always the break-up instigator, she always begged me not too, and she always took me back. Eventually we broke up for good and she confessed that she was suffering with a really serious eating disorder bulimia, it seemed to explain why she was moody and off sometimes. I offered to stick around and help her get better and she seemed to be doing well. I started enjoying being a single man and i soon realaised she was only getting better for me. Not for herself.

It gets complicated here. We basically went through 2 years of her asking for no contact, me missing her terribly and coming back, her wanting to get back together and pretending she'd recovered from her bulimia. We would sleep together and she would always throw it back in my face and say i used her and make me feel guilty for all her problems.

So I finsihed my masters and headed off to America for 18 months, she asked me to maintain no contact when i was away and it was very difficult but i did it. I dated girls over there and maybe i grew up but i started thinking about how well suited we actually are if it hadn't been for all the crap she was causing with her food problems.

So, i got home and decided to make contact, she ignored me at first, then softened up and agreed to meet up for coffee. She's still single, has bought a house, has a much better job and seems to have it altogether. I can tell shes still has a soft spot for me but she has given me the impression that any suggestion of us reuniting shouldn't be broached at all.

I think i still love her, and i know i should have stuck with her when she was sick but i was very young and it was too hardcore for me. I needed to see the world and have experiences away but I just wonder if i should leave her alone because i knew when i've come back before i've really messed her up - or at least she's said i have

LegacyUser

Yes I think you should leave her alone.

It sounds to me like the pair of you have out each other through hell. You should have ended it a long time before you did. I feel for this poor girl because it sounds to me like you were messing her around a bit. She asked you not to contact her before and you couldn't to it. you knew she still loved you and was going through a really tough time with her illness but still you were sleeping with her and not wanting her back. The way you say she 'threw it back in your face' when you slept with her, as if she sould have been somehow emensely greatful!

I am not saying that you are entirely to blame here because I am sure there's lots more to the relationship and it sounds like she had some serious issues herself. You may have been young at the time but you have only been away 18 months have you really changed THAT much? Has she changed that much? changed to the extent that you two could have a successful relationship rather then a disastrous one like last time? Are you sure you don't just want her because you don't know if you can have her now?

Either way, leave this gurl be to get herself back together, sounds like she's doing well and doesn't need extra stress in her life right now. It sounds to me like she isn't interested anymore anyway if she didn't even want you to broach the subjest of you reconciling. I don't blame her either.

ManOfMystery

She seems to have her life in order and is by all accounts settled, so why rock the boat? Your coming back will only introduce a chaotic element back into her life. If you truly care about her, leave her be - she's obviously in a better place now than she was back when she was with you.

Booswig

Firts try to be friends again. Good friends. Things will naturally progress from there. Just do not push it. Exes, if handled carefully, makes great friends, ask me. You two have shared more than normal friends, and it helps. First try being good friends before trying anything else.

BankMan

Leave her alone pal. She's doing fine.

santus

BankMan wrote: »

Leave her alone pal. She's doing fine.

The poor girl what a horrible journey for her. Bulimia is such a horrible uninvited guest. Are you strong enough to be there for her? The poor girl my heart breaks for anything trying to battle the demon that is bulimia.

VaioCruiser

Unregistered wrote: »

I think i still love her, and i know i should have stuck with her when she was sick but i was very young and it was too hardcore for me. I needed to see the world and have experiences away but I just wonder if i should leave her alone because i knew when i've come back before i've really messed her up - or at least she's said i have

Respect her enough to let her decide what she wants. You need to decide what it is you want.
Have you really grown up ? or are you just older ?

If you still really want her - rather than want to go back to her for some kind of comfort of a past 'imagined' relationship' - and if you think you might love her ... then go after it and contact her and try again.

Life is too short to mess around and miss out on important opportunities.

All the best.

AARRRGH

BankMan wrote: »

Leave her alone pal. She's doing fine.

I agree with this.