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I am the other woman

  • 13-08-2009 4:23pm
    #1
    aintnosunshine
    Closed Accounts Posts: 47 ✭


    OK so I've been seeing a guy nothing serious we met out one night and went our seperate ways i'm in Dublin he's in Galway. so he came back up to Dublin 2 more times but then we kinda decided to leave it cause of the distance and stuff but we stayed texting cause we got on really well..

    Anyone recently i got a phone call asking how i knew him and turns out he's engaged to be married in September.. from talking to him he appears to just be unhappy but he hasn't got the balls to walk away from her cause he feels like he now owes it to her and she appears to want to get married no matter what happens.. All my friends are telling me to cut ties with him but i feel bad cause i am literally the only one who seems to be on his side.. he knows that what he did is wrong but how long does he deserve to be punished for??? He has said he still loves her but he is just unhappy in the relationship and he doesn't want this to be held over him for the next 20 years.. I've no intention of ever being with him again we're just friends now..


Comments

  • #2
    Oh The Humanity
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,324 ✭✭✭Oh The Humanity


    aintnosunshine wrote: »
    Anyone recently i got a phone call asking how i knew him and turns out he's engaged to be married in September.. from talking to him he appears to just be unhappy but he hasn't got the balls to walk away from her cause he feels like he now owes it to her and she appears to want to get married no matter what happens..

    Thats what he's telling you, the reality is if he is marrying her its because he wants to......in which case he's a liar and you are (sorry) being very gullible.

    OR

    He actually doesn't want to get married but is being steamrolled along by your one, in which case he is weak minded and pliable?
    Attractive? No.
    Anyone as weak minded as that will bore you rigid after 2 months.
    aintnosunshine wrote: »
    All my friends are telling me to cut ties with him but i feel bad cause i am literally the only one who seems to be on his side..

    So? So you are going to stay in touch? Why......because you 'feel bad'?
    Come on now! Look into your motivations and be honest, you are not going to to stay in touch out of pity. You fancy him and want to finish what was started?
    aintnosunshine wrote: »
    he knows that what he did is wrong but how long does he deserve to be punished for???

    Do you know what, that sounds like a soundbite from him you have learned by heart and are now churning out like a parrott. Doesn't really sound like an authentic thought from your own head for some reason.

    How long does he deserve to be punished for? Thats for his wife to decide. Not him or you.
    aintnosunshine wrote: »
    He has said he still loves her

    BINGO.....there we go. Game over, he loves her.....that's all you need to know. The if's and buts are irrelevant.
    aintnosunshine wrote: »
    but he is just unhappy in the relationship and he doesn't want this to be held over him for the next 20 years.. I've no intention of ever being with him again we're just friends now..

    You really can not be 'just friends' with a man who cheated with you on his fiancee who he is marrying. It is not appropriate at all.


  • #3
    dudara
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 33,518 ✭✭✭✭dudara


    OK - I'm going to to ask you to do one thing.

    Search this board, or any other internet forum and look for posts from 'other women'. They all say the same things as you do. "I'm the only one who understands him", "He's in a loveless relationship", "Feels obliged to stay with her" etc.

    Think long and hard.


  • #4
    sunnygirl
    Closed Accounts Posts: 30 ✭sunnygirl


    stay away from him and leave him sort out his own problems.... he has filled your head with what he wants you to hear, and made you feel the way he wants you to feel.. you are not being there for him 'as a friend', you are there hoping that the 'something' between the two of you may eventually develop into something more. Why would you want to be around someone who is capable of being so deceitful? He's lied to you, and he's lclearly lied continuously to his GF - you're prob not the first one either. He's too much of a coward to do the decent thing [i.e break off the engagement and let his GF meet someone else etc], and that only makes him pathetic. You deserve better i'm sure too.


  • #5
    kjl
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,127 ✭✭✭kjl


    I think your letting your feelings for him interfere with the perspective that your friends have.

    I can appreciate that he is nice and wants to be loyal to his fiance, but come on, what kind of guy does that.

    If he is serious about you he will end hes relationship with this woman. You should stop seeing him until he does


  • #6
    VaioCruiser
    Closed Accounts Posts: 750 ✭✭✭VaioCruiser


    aintnosunshine wrote: »
    OK so I've been seeing a guy nothing serious we met out one night and went our seperate ways i'm in Dublin he's in Galway. so he came back up to Dublin 2 more times but then we kinda decided to leave it cause of the distance and stuff but we stayed texting cause we got on really well..

    Anyone recently i got a phone call asking how i knew him and turns out he's engaged to be married in September.. from talking to him he appears to just be unhappy but he hasn't got the balls to walk away from her cause he feels like he now owes it to her and she appears to want to get married no matter what happens.. All my friends are telling me to cut ties with him but i feel bad cause i am literally the only one who seems to be on his side.. he knows that what he did is wrong but how long does he deserve to be punished for??? He has said he still loves her but he is just unhappy in the relationship and he doesn't want this to be held over him for the next 20 years.. I've no intention of ever being with him again we're just friends now..

    Despite the cynics this kind of thing happens a lot. To women as well as guys. Relationships that fade. Love that fades. People who are frightened of being alone and frightened of telling their partner the truth, that it is over.

    And the result is usually 20 or 25 wasted years ending in divorce and a lot of pain and regret.

    I don't see any question in your post - you are friends now and why not. He needs a good friend and you are obviously a source of good advice and comfort to him.

    Good luck to you.


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  • #7
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    aintnosunshine wrote: »
    he knows that what he did is wrong but how long does he deserve to be punished for??? He has said he still loves her but he is just unhappy in the relationship and he doesn't want this to be held over him for the next 20 years.. I've no intention of ever being with him again we're just friends now..

    The ONLY one punishing him is HIM.
    U can't help him. he has to sort his own **** out


  • #8
    sunnyside
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,428 ✭✭✭sunnyside


    I agree with VaioCruiser that lots of marriages just don't/won't work and I think some affairs can become better relationships than the marriage.

    I know the OP isn't having an affair but it sounds as if she could be tempted to do so.

    But men who have affairs are selfish. Neither of the women involved is being treated properly but the man is perfectly happy with the situation as it suits him perfectly. Selfish.


  • #9
    puglover
    Closed Accounts Posts: 442 ✭✭puglover


    aintnosunshine wrote: »
    OK so I've been seeing a guy nothing serious we met out one night and went our seperate ways i'm in Dublin he's in Galway. so he came back up to Dublin 2 more times but then we kinda decided to leave it cause of the distance and stuff but we stayed texting cause we got on really well..

    Anyone recently i got a phone call asking how i knew him and turns out he's engaged to be married in September.. from talking to him he appears to just be unhappy but he hasn't got the balls to walk away from her cause he feels like he now owes it to her and she appears to want to get married no matter what happens.. All my friends are telling me to cut ties with him but i feel bad cause i am literally the only one who seems to be on his side.. he knows that what he did is wrong but how long does he deserve to be punished for??? He has said he still loves her but he is just unhappy in the relationship and he doesn't want this to be held over him for the next 20 years.. I've no intention of ever being with him again we're just friends now..

    I hope now that you've put this down in writing and can read back over it you can finally see how naive you have been.

    Move on girl, you've been had


  • #10
    sunnyside
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,428 ✭✭✭sunnyside


    aintnosunshine wrote: »
    I've no intention of ever being with him again we're just friends now..

    So why title your thread "I am the other woman"?


  • #11
    Johnnnybravo
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,115 ✭✭✭Johnnnybravo


    aintnosunshine wrote: »
    OK so I've been seeing a guy nothing serious we met out one night and went our seperate ways i'm in Dublin he's in Galway. so he came back up to Dublin 2 more times but then we kinda decided to leave it cause of the distance and stuff but we stayed texting cause we got on really well..

    Anyone recently i got a phone call asking how i knew him and turns out he's engaged to be married in September.. from talking to him he appears to just be unhappy but he hasn't got the balls to walk away from her cause he feels like he now owes it to her and she appears to want to get married no matter what happens.. All my friends are telling me to cut ties with him but i feel bad cause i am literally the only one who seems to be on his side.. he knows that what he did is wrong but how long does he deserve to be punished for??? He has said he still loves her but he is just unhappy in the relationship and he doesn't want this to be held over him for the next 20 years.. I've no intention of ever being with him again we're just friends now..


    How are you the other woman if yere just friends now??

    Are you sure you didnt already know he was attached before you got involved with him and now your tyring to justify it to yourself?? oh hes not happy and she the girl I dont even know will go ahead with the marriage no matter what, "Im the only one on his side". What side?? The guy will get married and all this poor me is more than likley to keep you on the bench for the next night hes in Dublin and had an itch. He`l be walking down that aisle alright but dont expect an invite.


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  • #12
    Lady Muck
    Closed Accounts Posts: 58 ✭✭Lady Muck


    Men who want to cheat will use any line in the book. He may be getting cold feet who knows, but if you knew he was getting married, you should have said no. I was the other woman but I wasn't aware for a while, he fed me loads of lines after I saw him with his wife pushing a pram. He said they don't sleep together anymore, he is living with her for financial reasons.

    He then did it again with someone else and the poor cow only found out when she was having his baby.

    Don't encourage them. Cut all contact because you won't stay "friends". He knows what to say to twist him round your finger.


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