ex has moved on ....

LegacyUser

Looking for a bit of support here, I broke up at the end of May with my partner of 2 years. I'm 37 so for me he was the one and I put all my hope of marriage and children into the relationship. Actually, he was the one saying he wanted to marry me and have children so I suppose that is where it came from initially and it was where we were meant to be headed. Both our family were also aware of this intention.

Over a year and into the relationship I accidently discovered he had been internet dating for some of the time. When I confronted him on it distraught at having been a part of this lie, he told me it was just a habit and that it meant nothing and that he would stop. It did for a while but sure because he was so closed off to communicating with me on the topic I never got a reason as to why it started, when or why he needed to do it. We stayed together to try to work it out but you cant work something out when only one person is willing to work at it. I was and am very hurt by the whole episode. I am a very loyal and trustworthy person, kind, generous and supportive, and I thought he had these same values.

We split but he said that he didnt want to loose me but that he needed a few weeks to get help for himself, and that he still saw a furture for us. We are still in contact, he is even calling me with business ideas and everything. Two weeks ago he said that we would meet and go for dinner, and once that was over that we would head off to his parents place in spain for a weekend to sort ourselves out. But then on Sunday I found out from him that he is now actually after moving a girl into his house that he met on the internet 3 weeks ago. Again heading kneedeep into a relationship and I am finding it very difficult to cope with it. All the old memories are back and I remember how he was at the start of our relationship. Rose tinted glasses and all that.

He told me on sunday that he still loved me, and how perfect our relationship was in every way except for the fact that he didnt fancy me!!!! Now while I am not perfect I am told by many men that I am beautiful, I weigh 8.5 stone so not over weight, dress very well and have a very outgoing friendly personality (Sound full of it here but it's true). The irony is that prior to our beakup we went to his friends wedding and he told me himself that out of all the girls there he was so proud of me cause all the guys were asking him how did he pull a 'bird' like me!!!! I really am not being big headed here, I am simply stating what he said.

Anyway, I know he has issues with intimacy. I found out a few weeks before we broke up that he had the same issues with all past girlfriends. He also had a serious gambling addiction, not in a petty down in the betting shop way but a sophisticated (???) syndicate with 2 other guys who are all big players, and I feel he is trying to keep up with the joneses on that one where the bets are in the hundreds on all races, every day. He also has committement issues......So then why oh why does it hurt so much? Why do i see him with rose tinted glasses and why do I have him on such a pedestal??? The thought of him with this other woman in his house which I spend a lot of time and money decorating for us is killing me. Him sleeping with her, and couldn't with me is hurting even more. He says she is a stop gap but that makes no difference. He has moved her in, the exact same way he did with me 2 years ago. Within 2 weeks of me moving in he had me on his car insurance and the deeds of his house - i know it will be the same with this girl.

Any suggestions on what I can do to loose the rosy relationship goggles through which I see this and realise I had a luck escape???????? Go easy on me please as I am not sleeping or eating as I am consumed by this

Liam Byrne

Kick him to touch.....

he still saw a furture for us...
he is now actually after moving a girl into his house that he met on the internet 3 weeks ago

Interesting "future" there....is he planning a threesome in his head or something ?

how perfect our relationship was in every way except for the fact that he didnt fancy me

A sound & honest statement - WERE it not for you mentioning the fact that he said he saw a future between you, which makes it absolute bull****. What's he thinking ? That at some stage the libido wanes and "you'll do" ?

Yes, there's a lot to be said for the "best friends" aspect of a relationship, but you also need to desire someone and feel desired, too.

He says she is a stop gap

Did he tell her that ? And do you really want to be with someone who'll treat women like that ?

Moving in after 3 weeks is psychotic behaviour; especially when repeated. I know the "love at first sight" brigade will kill me for saying so, but after 3 weeks you're barely comfortable that you'll actually see the person the following week.

He's one of these people that dives in and dives out; I presume he slept with you at the start, before going all odd on you. He'll probably do the same to her - all sexed up for 6 months or so, then rinse and repeat.

You don't want to be in the same situation after another 2 years if wasting your time on this guy, so move on; if you're that beautiful and sound, you'll be snapped up easily enough....but don't be so anxious to be snapped up, either......suss out a guy who's sound AND fancies you - even just a little bit of both that you can build on together......

And best of luck!

lolli

You have definitely had a lucky escape. He was playing you, he had no respect for you.

Do yourself a favour and realise that you are better off without him. Look at all the think hes done to hurt you. It will take time to get over this but keep strong.

Would you really like to marry and have kids with a guy like this.

Trixielicious

Unregistered wrote: »

Within 2 weeks of me moving in he had me on his car insurance and the deeds of his house - i know it will be the same with this girl.

Pet I really feel for you but you need to try to move on!!! Somebody who puts a virtual stranger on the deeds of their house after 2 weeks is not living in the real world. Please don't take that as a criticism of you as you seem like a really lovely person but why would anybody make that level of commitment to somebody they don't know. Although I imagine you are not the type of person to screw him over someday he will meet somebody who will and then the sh*t will hit the fan because that person will be entitled to a claim on his house if/when they break up.

Love at first sight does happen but that's no excuse for him not having some common sense. His friends are right, how did he pull a "bird" like you as he really doesn't deserve you. Time for you to look after yourself. I know it doesn't seem like it now but you've had a very lucky escape and you will meet a guy who does deserve you!!!

LegacyUser

[QUOTE=
His are right, how did he pull a "bird" like you as he really doesn't deserve you. Time for you to look after yourself. I know it doesn't seem like it now but you've had a very lucky escape and you will meet a guy who does deserve you!!![/QUOTE]


+1 on this

best of luck to you
xxx

LegacyUser

Sorry for your predicament. Your age is irrelevant, seriously, you will meet your 'Knight...'.

The main concern I have is that you are on the Deeds of his house. The legal issues are massive....(if he has a mortgage on the property)... (1) if he defaults on payments it will also be a black mark on your credit record; (2) you could be entitled to monies if the property was sold; (3) it could affect you if you were to be in the future a 'first time buyer' as you may lose your entitlements; (4) down the line if he marries I am sure his wife wouldn't be too happy with an Ex on the Deeds, you will have moved on by then and will be dragged into legal issues to remove your name from the Deeds. I am sure you got legal advice on the matter before you had your name added...

IMO, you're well rid of him. He got lucky with you, next time you will make better choices.

BankMan

Unregistered wrote: »

Sorry for your predicament. Your age is irrelevant, seriously, you will meet your 'Knight...'.

The main concern I have is that you are on the Deeds of his house. The legal issues are massive....(if he has a mortgage on the property)... (1) if he defaults on payments it will also be a black mark on your credit record; (2) you could be entitled to monies if the property was sold; (3) it could affect you if you were to be in the future a 'first time buyer' as you may lose your entitlements; (4) down the line if he marries I am sure his wife wouldn't be too happy with an Ex on the Deeds, you will have moved on by then and will be dragged into legal issues to remove your name from the Deeds. I am sure you got legal advice on the matter before you had your name added...

Don't want to go off topic OP, but the above post may have scared you a tad. To clarify...

1)No it wont. Being on title deeds doesn't mean you're liable for anything. You can only be liable if you sign credit agreements.
2)It's not possible to add someone to title deeds in two weeks. Take ages. I smell a rat.

Other than that he sounds like a git. You're best rid of him.

LegacyUser

Thanks for the posts and the support it really is appreciated.

During today I am finally starting to see the reality and the support here is much appreciated, it even gave me the courage to tell my brother and he was also great to throw some more light on how lucky I am to have not got married to this guy. I know it is a long road yet and I will have bad days but I am happy in myself knowing that he is the one with different values and addiction issues.

He flirted online with 658 girls and had 252 other female contacts on a yahoo ID I did not know about. I may have put up with a lot but I know I now need to have the sense to realise these are his issue not mine. My head is there but unfortunately the heart is taking a bit of time to catch up :-)

Anyway, I did have the sense to ask him to remove my name from the deeds a while back when I first found out about this. I have a couple of properties myself and I did not want to get tied up with having an legal complications as a result of this so I am sorted there. I know I am probably still on the car insurance but that is irrelevant.

Thanks again for all the words of wisdom

Johnnnybravo

Unregistered wrote: »

Thanks for the posts and the support it really is appreciated.

During today I am finally starting to see the reality and the support here is much appreciated, it even gave me the courage to tell my brother and he was also great to throw some more light on how lucky I am to have not got married to this guy. I know it is a long road yet and I will have bad days but I am happy in myself knowing that he is the one with different values and addiction issues.

He flirted online with 658 girls and had 252 other female contacts on a yahoo ID I did not know about. I may have put up with a lot but I know I now need to have the sense to realise these are his issue not mine. My head is there but unfortunately the heart is taking a bit of time to catch up :-)

Anyway, I did have the sense to ask him to remove my name from the deeds a while back when I first found out about this. I have a couple of properties myself and I did not want to get tied up with having an legal complications as a result of this so I am sorted there. I know I am probably still on the car insurance but that is irrelevant.

Thanks again for all the words of wisdom

Get you name off the car insurance, if he gets summonsed by a van he could try say its the other driver on his policy. Cut all ties with the guy.