So I have a stubborn suicidal friend

highlydebased

Unfortunately the last few nights have been spent in worry and little sleep.

I've a friend I met over the internet from England, she still lives there but we've been together before

Anyway to cut a long story short

She's in her mid-teens, im in my late teens, we're very close

She suffers from depression and unfortunately self-harms.

Her parents are away this week and she's told me she wants to kill herself. Some people are taking her for granted, and she thinks its the only way out. No amount of talking seems to help. Now she wont answer the phone to me

Tonight its worse. She told me she has cut too deep. And she thinks that she's done something very bad as a result. It is bad, but she feels she has to die as punishment if you like.

She's very defiant and doesnt like to ask for or take help by character

I'm very worried. I've tried my best over the last 2 hours but all I get is "make me" quite a bit, but she seems to be selfish and not realise the amount of hurt she has caused

I'll email the samaritans but if possible I need some advice on how to deal with this situation better and avert the worst...

Xiney

do you know her address?

call the police/ambulance in her location and tell them where to go.



There is nothing else you can do from here.

LegacyUser

This is terrible. You are too young to have to deal with this. Please dont upset yourself by this.

If you know here address send the police around there, and then cease contact. This is not fair on you. This girls parents are her responsibility.

My thought are with you

Agent J

http://xkcd.com/383/

You are not responsable.

Overheal

Neon-Circles wrote: »

She's very defiant and doesnt like to ask for or take help by character

And yet the only thing she is doing is crying out for help. I mean think about it. If you don't want someone to loan you a cigarette (example) why sit in a smoke filled room and bitch you dont have a cigarette? You need to look at the Whole action, not just what she is saying.

She obviously needs help and she obviously wants help at the subconscious level if not the conscious level. She's going to have to get it from a professional, like a Counselor, or at that far stage, a Psychologist. Its dysfunctional behavior to self mutilate. And not something Keyboard Psychology such as mine, or yours, can easily fix.

RossFixxxed

To be a little less subtle: Call an ambulance over there, tell them the story which will FORCE her to get help and looked after.

Or just walk away. If she refuses help and will not do anything you have to be sure YOU don't get dragged into that pit yourself. It's a bit of a mess by the sounds of it, and it seems to be all drama for attention. You should not feed or fuel this unacceptable behaviour. Offer to help her get professional help, and if it's thrown in your face it may be time to walk away.

And as people have said: IT IS NOT YOUR RESPONSIBLITY. We all want to help our friends and it's horrible to see someone like this but you can't save them. They need to want help, or to be pushed into it. TBH I'd call the cops and an ambulance and make her wake up.

Any help you DO give will probably be thrown in your face, this is common in these cases but if you commmit to giving it you may have to weather this.

Good luck! R

Moomoo1

that's really terrible. And the fact it's in another country just makes it worse, ie you cannot go over to her and make sure she doesn't do it.

you need to call the ambulance asap if you think she is hurt. And can you find some way of contacting her parents?

highlydebased

I had considered calling the ambulance/police from the start.

Disaster was averted last night thankfully, she did take a small overdose and was sick for a while, but thankfully she's fine this morning, ill be making sure she gets some medical attention though anyway.

Whilst im not responsible, I dont think walking away is really an option. Firstly I could not live thinking I walked away and something happened and secondly I do care for her and im not willing to give in so easily

parents not home until the weekend and i've no way of getting in touch with them.

Thanks for advice however

Moomoo1

is there any way to get someone like this sectioned? She already made one attempt at her life...

RossFixxxed

Neon-Circles wrote: »

I had considered calling the ambulance/police from the start.

Disaster was averted last night thankfully, she did take a small overdose and was sick for a while, but thankfully she's fine this morning, ill be making sure she gets some medical attention though anyway.

Whilst im not responsible, I dont think walking away is really an option. Firstly I could not live thinking I walked away and something happened and secondly I do care for her and im not willing to give in so easily

parents not home until the weekend and i've no way of getting in touch with them.

Thanks for advice however

Fair play man, however, I know what this is like first hand. Walking away is only ONE option, but you have to be sure on the other side, even if you do ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING in your power to help her you will feel ****ty if something goes wrong still. You can HELP her, but without her really giving it 100% you won't cure this. I'm not being mean I'm just giving you a heads up, the guilt thing happens no matter what! And it is not your fault.

I can see it from her side, and I'm not going down the 'it's selfish etc.' argument as frankly it has no place in this particular thread, but it is ENTIRELY her choice, and there is no blame or guilt on you at all. You seem like a good guy (girl) and you seem to care.

Frankly this kind of rubbish annoys me, you can't tell if the person is serious and it's so bloody dramatic. Offer her help outright, and if it there is any doubt that this is a real threat, call a professional. She may need to be sectioned. She'll hate ya for it but it's better to have someone angry and blame you and alive!

Good luck, i've been here before and there is no real answer unless she gives it her all too!

R

Trixielicious

Neon-Circles wrote: »

I had considered calling the ambulance/police from the start.

Disaster was averted last night thankfully, she did take a small overdose and was sick for a while, but thankfully she's fine this morning, ill be making sure she gets some medical attention though anyway.

Whilst im not responsible, I dont think walking away is really an option. Firstly I could not live thinking I walked away and something happened and secondly I do care for her and im not willing to give in so easily

parents not home until the weekend and i've no way of getting in touch with them.

Thanks for advice however

This is a horrible situation to be in, I really feel for you!!! You are obviously a very good friend but I would suggest you be careful with a friend like this.

My ex used to do things like this to me. When we broke up he rang me saying he was at the river ready to jump and then hung up on me. I rang him back and the phone kept goin to voicemail. I rang the police and they went to the river and sent a couple of officers up to his house. He was at home in his room all the time. He just craved attention and people like him feed off other people's good nature. Be careful your friend isn't doing the same thing as it will really wear you down.

Speak to her parents and explain everything that has happened and allow them to seek the medical help required.

Good luck!

LegacyUser

OP i was in the same situation as you are in twice. First person was serious. second was taking the piss. You need to tell her parent or parents whether she is serious or not. If she is serious it will the right thing to do and deep down she will bethankful. If she isnt serious then she might be angry but it will be her own fault.

MizzLolly

Hey OP. I'm sorry to hear the situation you're in. I know it's not a nice one at all, I've been there myself.

I don't want to seem as though I'm down playing your friends depression but given the content of your post, I do think you should state your concern, tell her to get help and then lessen your contact with her until she straightens herself out. I know it sounds harsh but if you look at it this way: She is feeling insecure and exploited. She tells you she cuts herself and that she wants to die. You naturally say, ''no, please don't do that''. This is exactly what she's expecting you to say to her. It's a bit like an energy vampire, the more you play into it, the more inclined she is to wallow in her suicidal feelings rather than seeking any kind of help for it. Simply because she's getting her attention/reassurance fix from you by taking your energy and your concern and utilising it as a form of self validation.

You pleading with her again and again will not make a blind bit of a difference because she knows in her heart of hearts that when she tells a person she is cutting her wrists, their natural response will be panic and pleading.

I don't want to demonise your friend here, I think the poor girl is in an awful emotional place at the moment but what she's doing to you is bang out of order. You need to set out very cearly, in a very 'matter of fact' tone that you care about her, you don't want her harming herself, you will support her if/when she chooses to get help for it but that you will not, under any circumstances, be that person on the other end of the phone who's gona tell her you 'understand' why she's cutting herself. Tell her you are her friend and that you do not deserve to be that person on the other end of the phone. She's looking for justification in a sense because she knows she can rely on you to plead and bargain with her.

I know it may seem like I'm insinuating that this is not a serious case, I think you should take all threats very seriously, as in, informing her parents/the paramedics etc but do not play into it on the phone/myspace/msn etc. It's a waste of your own energy and you end up worse off than before the phonecall. What struck me about this post is the fact that she told you she feared she had cut too deep. Yet, you continued on to say that she had just taken a light overdose to make herself sick. Both are obvious pleas for help but as long as you keep giving her that validation fix she's gona see it as a way to feel better. She wasn't serious in her threat of suicide in this case. She was self harming and crying out for help.

Time and time again I heard from my ex about how he tried to 'kill' himself. Following constant subtle threats and suggestions that he'd do it again, I did not dare to question the validity of his first attempt. I was well and truly wrapped and was playing into his game nicely. When we broke up he used a suicide threat to keep me in line. He told me this time he was going to drive his car into a ditch. Now, with the visible scars on his wrists and the fact that he was proudly abusing illegal substances at the time, I was devastated by his threats. I played into it perfectly, begging him to get help and crying and pleading with him. He stopped answering my calls/texts etc and sent strange, vague messages. I ended up running out of lectures unable to breathe, having panic attacks, shaking, having nightmares etc. My life was well and truly static and all I did was worry and think about him.

It's almost 3 years later and he's fine. I stopped calling/texting etc when I heard he had been with some other women the whole time. The threats were attention seeking/insecure attempts to keep me there to make himself feel beter. It's taken me a long, long time to regain confidence in myself and to get used to waking up with nothing as major as this to worry about. Yet the whole time, he was out having a good time because I was carrying the burden for him. I fear this is happening a bit with you and your friend. She doesn't have to get better because you're there to bandage her up and tell her it's gona be okay.

Well this isn't your responsibility. Of course you care, I certainly understand that but say your piece, tell her she's harming your own state if mind, send her info on who to contact for help and tell her that's all you can do. Until she gets herself together, do not play into it. Don't be emotive, don't be sympathetic. Say you're sorry she's feeling bad again, tell her you cannot help/dont know what to say and give her the number for the samaritans (or UK equivelant)

Sorry you're going through all this.

All the best

Nevyn

Tell your parents and get them to get in touch with her parents.

highlydebased

Thaedydal wrote: »

Tell your parents and get them to get in touch with her parents.

I think they might not be able to do any more than me in that regard.

I'm fairly sure that her parents are aware that she gets depressed, she's been prescribed anti-depressants. So I'm not entirely sure how they stand....

As I said she took an overdose last night and she got a scare, she was rather sick for a short period and she did get a fright. I think this has given her her lesson as it were, so I dont think she'll be doing a repeat of last night....

She's in much better form tonight thankfully. I spoke with one of her friends who was with her today and she's much better today......hopefully will be OK til her parents get back at that rate

It has not been a pleasant experience but I've gotten through it...thanks for the words guys