Asking girls out by e-mail

LegacyUser

Hello,

this isn't a huge issue compared to others but a small issue for me anyway.

I was wondering what people think about a fella asking a girl out by e-mail instead of face-to-face. Do you think it is a chickeny way of doing it? I ask because I plan to ask a girl from my workplace out, the thing is I don't want to ask her in front of all our work colleagues. It would be embarrassing for me, and I would be afraid they would make a big deal over it. Can't text her either cos I don't have her number.

I want to ask her in private but we are never alone together, the only time we talk is at the photocopier or if I am passing by her desk, so e-mail would seem the best option. But maybe then she will think I haven't the balls to ask her to her face- and I don't want to give that impression.

Today I was gonna send her an e-mail asking her if I could talk to her on the way out when she was leaving, I had it all planned to ask her then but ultimately made excuses to myself and chickened out. To be honest I was ****ting myself at the thoughts of it, I am fairly inhibited when it comes to showing my feelings or telling girls I like them.

So I said I'd come on and see what the good readers of this board thought, should I just drop her an e-mail or somehow organise to meet her in private and ask her face-to-face??

Xiney

why not ask if she'd like to have lunch with you while you're standing at the photocopier?

It's not a date, but after a few lunches you should feel comfortable enough to just ask her out

muboop1

ambush her in parkign lot?

surely there are times when she isnt in hearing distance of soemone?

like above poster said, ask for lunch! not a big deal! might get a slag or two, but just try do it when the rest can't hear.

Can see how you feel from there!

LegacyUser

No. Don't do it.
Do not put it in writing.

Scenarios..
1. She likes you and would go out.... she likes the email, replies... happily ever after
2. She doesn't know who you are (depends on size of workplace)
3. She thinks you're weird, and then forwards the mail to her friends

Just be ready that the next time you happen to bump into her after say 4.30pm, you say 'fancy a pint after work' - that's it! that's all you have to say... it sounds like just being friendly if you are overheard...

Definitely ask her! but in person.
Good luck :-)

Oryx

Whether its a good idea to email or not would depend on what you put in the email. It could come across well, or very very badly. Anything thats written loses the non verbal communication that we all rely on. Plus, like you say, it can come off as you seeming too chicken to go face to face. But if you can write a cracking email, then I dont see why you shouldnt go for it.

But really, Im with Xiney. Dont go for the full 'ask on a date' scenario face to face, just casually ask her to lunch or whatever. This is only to be avoided if you tend to stutter or get tongue tied when under pressure, or if you blush to the roots of your hair.

Zascar

instant messenger is a great way as its less scary than face to face but better than email cause its real time chat

LegacyUser

Thanks guys,

Xiney wrote: »

why not ask if she'd like to have lunch with you while you're standing at the photocopier?
out

Yeah I thought about that, it's a good idea. But she tends to go off and do her own thing for lunch, I think she goes to meet her friends. No harm in asking anyway. I am kind of in a hurry to ask her out as well and we might not bump into each other for a while unless I initiate it.

Unregistered wrote: »

No. Don't do it.
Do not put it in writing.

Scenarios..
1. She likes you and would go out.... she likes the email, replies... happily ever after
2. She doesn't know who you are (depends on size of workplace)
3. She thinks you're weird, and then forwards the mail to her friends

Definitely ask her! but in person.
Good luck :-)

Ha, ha... no we know each other well, I'm fairly certain she likes me- and I try to make it obvious when I'm talking to her that I like her too. Yes I agree about asking her in person, the trouble is when you go to do it in reality it's damn hard.

If I was to send her a mail it would be somethin along the lines of "hi ****, i like you a lot, would you be interested in going out for dinner/drinks sometime?". I am being very careful not to seem weird or desperate.

Booswig

Never. Never use email to do an important thing like this. Remember, first impressions count.

Lux23

I don't think it would bother me to be asked out by email. Its the main communication I have with a lot of people I work so I wouldn't find it strange.

GigaByte

Booswig wrote: »

Never. Never use email to do an important thing like this. Remember, first impressions count.

Bollock, if she likes him she wouldn't care if he asked her by sending a homing pigeon.

Oryx

Unregistered wrote: »

If I was to send her a mail it would be somethin along the lines of "hi ****, i like you a lot, would you be interested in going out for dinner/drinks sometime?". I am being very careful not to seem weird or desperate.

fyi, I like you a lot sounds weird or desperate. Leave that bit out, at least.

Eve_Dublin

GigaByte wrote: »

Bollock, if she likes him she wouldn't care if he asked her by sending a homing pigeon.

I'd still be pretty impressed if a man could ask me out face-to-face. I'd think an email was a bit childish...like asking a girl/guy out by text.

Still, if you don't think you'll get a chance to ask her out face-to-face, I'd say email her....but a homing pigeon to her desk with a little love note attached to his neck could be a very romantic gensture :pac:

muppetkiller

I'm for the homing pigeon too lol that's a brilliant idea

Ya email is fine or instant messenger is even easier and you can have some chitchat before hand. Have you not had the chance to get chatting to her at any sports and social events ?

dazberry

I asked a girl out yesterday (for a coffee). I'd have asked her out face to face only that every time I'm within 10 feet I turn to mush. She got back to me a while later suggesting today instead (how 5 words can change your whole perspective on the world), so I left it with her. So its 3.20 and no word, I'm on tender hooks here ppl....

D.

GigaByte

dazberry wrote: »

I asked a girl out yesterday (for a coffee). I'd have asked her out face to face only that every time I'm within 10 feet I turn to mush. She got back to me a while later suggesting today instead (how 5 words can change your whole perspective on the world), so I left it with her. So its 3.20 and no word, I'm on tender hooks here ppl....

D.

Good luck, I hope it turns out good for you!

LegacyUser

just a word of advice - you work with this person right? I was asked out TWICE by the same guy in work - turned him down both times. I used to get on great with him and used to chat away to him AS A FRIEND. He obvioulsy got the wrong idea that i fancied and it ruined our friendship. I couldn't bring myself to talk to him again as openly and as freely as i used to as i was afraid i was leading him on or something. Plus i felt awkward. Just make sure you dont ruin things for yourself in work

LegacyUser

i don't think it would be that bad to ask a girl out by email. At least you are asking them, i think its better than doing nothing. I'm kinda in the same situation although i'm a girl and i fancy the guy in the same department, so yeah i dont know whether to message him either! best of luck though if you do!

Fluorescence

Zascar wrote: »

instant messenger is a great way as its less scary than face to face but better than email cause its real time chat

I would disagree - it's also terrifying :P

Ask her to lunch or for a pint as some of the others suggested, face to face. Sounds like a good plan to me

Kimia

I wouldn't mind being asked out through email, bearing in mind I knew who you were! Does she know you by name? You're not just some guy she bumps into now and again right?

In that case yea go ahead! Only thing is, imagine if her email crashed and she never got the chance to open your email and then you thought she was ignoring you etc and then it would never happen.

Maybe find out her extension number and call her on the phone and ask her out. Retro!

LegacyUser

Hello, this is the thread starter,

I think it's all good, we got chatting on the aul e-mail today and the signs are good!

muppetkiller wrote: »

Ya email is fine or instant messenger is even easier and you can have some chitchat before hand. Have you not had the chance to get chatting to her at any sports and social events ?

I invited her to our drinks night ages ago but she couldn't make it, in my workplace we go out about twice a year and I'm not gonna wait til the next night out.

dazberry wrote: »

I asked a girl out yesterday (for a coffee). I'd have asked her out face to face only that every time I'm within 10 feet I turn to mush. She got back to me a while later suggesting today instead (how 5 words can change your whole perspective on the world), so I left it with her. So its 3.20 and no word, I'm on tender hooks here ppl....
D.

I know dude, it must be one of the most nerve-wracking things, or maybe it's inexperience (certainly for me it is). I was sick with nervousness the last few days even though she is really friendly and approachable. Best of luck with it, let us know how you get on!

Unregistered wrote: »

just a word of advice - you work with this person right? I was asked out TWICE by the same guy in work - turned him down both times. I used to get on great with him and used to chat away to him AS A FRIEND. He obvioulsy got the wrong idea that i fancied and it ruined our friendship. I couldn't bring myself to talk to him again as openly and as freely as i used to as i was afraid i was leading him on or something. Plus i felt awkward. Just make sure you dont ruin things for yourself in work

That's exactly what I thought might happen in this case, was it the fact he asked you twice that ruined your friendship- was he too persistent? If your friends with a girl and tell her you fancy her can things go back to the way they were if she's not interested?

Thanks for your replies.

GigaByte

Good luck OP, hope it works out well for you!

Lets put it this way if, she contacted you by email first I bet you wouldn't have turned her down.