I need advice!

LegacyUser

This is a tad long winded, bear with me!

So I met this guy online and we've been seeing each other for about 10 months now, at the start I was unsure of introducing him to my friends coz I know they'd make a huuuge deal out of it, but he kept asking when he was gonna meet them. So at this stage he's met the majority of my friends and my mum and my sister. But, I haven't met any of his friends or his family, it justs seems a bit weird that he'd push to see my friends but not have me meet his.

Anyway a few months back he was using my laptop while I was at work and when I came back home and he was gone I checked my emails, accidentally logging into his. I swear I didn't know what I was seeing and wondered what these emails were and I opened them, and it was a load of different girls sending him nude pics, and he had sent them back to these girls. Under advice of my friend I rang him to see what the hell was up and I ended up being very emotional and crying and generally a mess. He apologised and said he loved me and that he never meant me to find out about them and that he thinks he has a problem.

So I took some time to gather my thoughts, some of my friends thought I was mad to keep seeing him, but it was my decision. Two weeks ago it was my birthday and I saw him send a txt saying xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx or at least I thought I saw him send that, it was out the side of my eye. So I kinda bottled that up and drank an awful lot of vodka which lead to a massive row which I can't remember. He told me stuff I said and while it was valid I wouldn't have chose that time if I was sober. He said the txt was something he had sent to Twitter but it didn't show up on the feed, I remembered to check it the next day.

My mum and my sister keep on at me to not be a doormat and to not let people walk over me and to leave him if he's not making me happy. At times it feels like I'm the most important thing in the world to him and then nothing.

I guess I need to talk to him but I just dont know where to start.

muboop1

don't mean to sound bad, but you sound like you don't 100% trust him??

If so then a long convo is needed about that.

He has alot to explain for!

He could simply show you the txt tbh...

But realistically, the email thing...

He could do that on any number of emails, they are easy and free to set up!

Are his behaviours odd?

Hiding his phone, not being where he says he is etc??

Ultimately if his stuff is net based, bar you getting a programmer to look at his pc, or him not deleting stuff properly and you snooping, you probably will never know...

Does this bother you?
Do you now have a trust issue with this?

Does it emotionally affect you?

I think you need to think about these aspects of it and many more and decide what is right for you.

If thats being with him, then you still need to talk it through with him.

But before you do, you have alot you need to figure out yourself i think...

LegacyUser

I have massive issues with trust and I'm trying to work on them, but I just wish I could shut up that little voice in my head.He's very possessive about his phone but I understand that, some people are, some people aren't. At the risk of sounding crazy I see shared traits in him and my dad who cheated on my mum for years, and I think this is why I'm so distrustful.
I do love him and as sappy as this sounds I'm so glad I met him.

Oh The Humanity

Op, don't let history re-write itself. You are not your Mum.

Things can be different for you. You are better than this!

Come on now, a blind man can see this guy is a non-starter from the word go. Its a no-brainer, he's a cheater.

Don't let him give you that bull$hit 'I have a problem' malarkey.

You are better than this. Why waste your time on a cheater, you won't change him.

LegacyUser

Hello worried girl,

Basically i have been in the exact same position as you and I know that it is a very hurtful position to be in. I bet you are blaming yourself and doubting yourself.

I broke up with my ex 10 wks ago and alreay he has moved another girl into his house, while I am 100% aware that he is still online dating other women behing her back. A lepoard never changes its spots. He too admitted to me he has issues.....unfortunately he is enjoying these issues too much to get help for them.

Sending naked pictures is sick surely??? Would you do it?

I met my ex to get my stuff back on Sunday and he sat there telling me he loved me....but to be honest these guys really only love themselves,.....why else would they need their ego massaged all the time bu online girls??>

Please move on from him, hard and all it is at the time it will be better in the long run.

Now if I could just take my own advice - cause I am still sitting here crying over my ex! In time I hope...in time xxx

legend365

Op start by maybe saying -

''Its been a good few months but your just not good for me..''

Take a step back and look at the situation. He's upset you numerous times. He's been deceitful. He's been flirting with other girls.

It sounds like you can do alot better OP.

Booswig

There is a saying: "The most important thing in a relationship is honesty ... once you have learnt to fake that, you are in ...".

Think about that. People do not change, I have sadly learned that, and have my own struggles (http://30daysofthoughts.blogspot.com/). Accept that he will remain like that, no matter what he say. If you can life with that, go on. If not, get rid of him.

squonk

Dump him. move on. That was my first impression reading this thread. Taking time to think about it hasn't altered my perception. He's not worth it. You're making the allowances here. He's not integrating you into his world like you have him, he's hiding stuff from you and basically cheating on you. Do yourself a favour. He's leading you on. Let him go. You'll be much happier without the drama.

LegacyUser

Hey thanks for all your replies. It was incredibly hard reading them but I know if a friend was in the same situation I'd be shaking her to do what you guys have said. I need to sit him down and say everything to him and then decide from there.

LegacyUser

Hey, just thought I'd give you guys an update. We talked and unfortunately we parted ways today, although I know I'm doing the right thing. It just hurts so much right now.

Thanks for your advice xx

G86

worriedgirl wrote: »

Hey, just thought I'd give you guys an update. We talked and unfortunately we parted ways today, although I know I'm doing the right thing. It just hurts so much right now.

Thanks for your advice xx

Fair play to you, you absolutely did the right thing, you should always go with your gut feeling - it's usually right. You deserve better, best of luck x