Severe depression

LegacyUser

Where do I start...

I am not looking for pity or anything. I guess I am posting this for help. I appretiate any advice given.

I don't want to give away too much information as I have friends that use boards.ie quite a lot.


I am very depressed, suicidal actually. But why? I have a wonderful girlfriend, some good friends (that I rarely see) I live in a nice apartment and I am educated. I understand that I am better off than a lot of people, and the majority of the world. Taking into account the amount of people homeless, born into bad families, poverty and war. I have a dream life compared to a lot of people. I consider myself to be popular and outgoing. I am unemployed and have been on social welfare for over a year. Since leaving college I lost a lot of friends, I moved away from where I studied and the friends I have are scattered. I cannot just call into my mates without driving. Since I am on social I cannot afford to do much, I cannot drive to them at my will or go out with them. I always respond to invites with "Sorry mate, I haven't got the money for that".

I think I am fine a lot of the time, but very simple things can give me severe depression. If people are annoyed with me or fight with me I just sink. I was searching for a job for a long time, but with no responces I have just lost my motivation. I say to myself "I will look for lots of jobs this week" but I just cannot do it. Why? I want to be successful, not filthy rich or a CEO or anything, but just a career so people will be somewhat proud of me. It is important to me what others think of me. Not in everything, but in education and work.

When I have an argument with my parents I just think "what is the point in life". I know that if I end my own life I will make some lives very miserable for quite a while. When I am suicidal I think of my brothers, my mother and my girlfriend. This stops me... but what if I get so bad that thinking of these people will not stop me?

I am 26 and I have not started my career yet. I cannot see myself getting a job within the next 12 months or more. Finance has a lot to do with it too... as I am not working, I feel completely dependant on everyone around me, including the state. I have worked since I was about 15 and this feeling is not something I am used to. While at college I once had 3 jobs which I worked just under 40 hours between friday and sunday. I am in a deep tunnel, there is no light, not even a speck. I don't really have anything to look forward to. Every day is the same. I get up, I might do some cleaning, play games and browse the net all day then sleep. It's horrible...

I have told my mother before that I have been suicidal, it makes her worry and saddens her. I don't want to do that. I could talk to my girlfriend but this would do the same to her. I don't want people to worry about me, it's not right.

I google suicide and depression and I get a lot of helplines and the likes, but what do I say when I ring them? I also don't know what to say to my doctor and I really don't want to go on medication. I don't know how to communicate my depression to those that might be able to help.

Sorry for the long post, this was not easy to post, thanks for listening to me.

Xiney

Hi there.

First of all, let me apologise for the fact that I have to close this thread. We are not the professional services you need if you are suicidal.

Second of all, please visit your doctor. Depression is amazingly common. I myself suffer from it and since I've become unemployed like yourself I've had to start medication to treat it.

I know you're reluctant to go on medication, I was as well. But in the end, I just wanted to feel better. Medication allows me to feel good enough that I can work through some issues on my own - it's not a perfect happy pill that fixes everything, it's more of a help me function like a human being pill.

Good luck.

Xiney

The OP has assured me that he is not suicidal at this time. We won't need to talk him off the ledge, as it were. He understands that that is not what PI is for, we can not do that for him. Therefore I am reopening the thread.

However, he would like opinions on how to talk to his doctor about how he is feeling, which I think is certainly in the remit of this forum. Anything that can encourage people to see their GP for depression is a good thing in my humble opinion.

CRonaldo

It was an extremly insensitive thing to close it in the first place - Shame on you moderator.

The Recliner

CRonaldo wrote: »

It was an extremly insensitive thing to close it in the first place - Shame on you moderator.

Banned for a week for discussing moderation on thread

Keep on topic please people

d'Oracle

cantcontinue wrote: »

Where do I start...

I am not looking for pity or anything. I guess I am posting this for help. I appretiate any advice given.

I don't want to give away too much information as I have friends that use boards.ie quite a lot.


I am very depressed, suicidal actually. But why? I have a wonderful girlfriend, some good friends (that I rarely see) I live in a nice apartment and I am educated. I understand that I am better off than a lot of people, and the majority of the world. Taking into account the amount of people homeless, born into bad families, poverty and war. I have a dream life compared to a lot of people. I consider myself to be popular and outgoing. I am unemployed and have been on social welfare for over a year. Since leaving college I lost a lot of friends, I moved away from where I studied and the friends I have are scattered. I cannot just call into my mates without driving. Since I am on social I cannot afford to do much, I cannot drive to them at my will or go out with them. I always respond to invites with "Sorry mate, I haven't got the money for that".

I think I am fine a lot of the time, but very simple things can give me severe depression. If people are annoyed with me or fight with me I just sink. I was searching for a job for a long time, but with no responces I have just lost my motivation. I say to myself "I will look for lots of jobs this week" but I just cannot do it. Why? I want to be successful, not filthy rich or a CEO or anything, but just a career so people will be somewhat proud of me. It is important to me what others think of me. Not in everything, but in education and work.

When I have an argument with my parents I just think "what is the point in life". I know that if I end my own life I will make some lives very miserable for quite a while. When I am suicidal I think of my brothers, my mother and my girlfriend. This stops me... but what if I get so bad that thinking of these people will not stop me?

I am 26 and I have not started my career yet. I cannot see myself getting a job within the next 12 months or more. Finance has a lot to do with it too... as I am not working, I feel completely dependant on everyone around me, including the state. I have worked since I was about 15 and this feeling is not something I am used to. While at college I once had 3 jobs which I worked just under 40 hours between friday and sunday. I am in a deep tunnel, there is no light, not even a speck. I don't really have anything to look forward to. Every day is the same. I get up, I might do some cleaning, play games and browse the net all day then sleep. It's horrible...

I have told my mother before that I have been suicidal, it makes her worry and saddens her. I don't want to do that. I could talk to my girlfriend but this would do the same to her. I don't want people to worry about me, it's not right.

I google suicide and depression and I get a lot of helplines and the likes, but what do I say when I ring them? I also don't know what to say to my doctor and I really don't want to go on medication. I don't know how to communicate my depression to those that might be able to help.

Sorry for the long post, this was not easy to post, thanks for listening to me.

Jesus dude, I know what you are going through.
Except for the the friends bit, although seeing as that is all familiar I would imagine you would be reluctant to do stuff with them anyway.

Look leaving college and looking for a job can be a horror show.
I was right where you are.
I got a job and Im still not any way right. I'm getting there but this isnt about me.

Im going to suggest this: http://www.irish-counselling.ie/index.php/members-search

You can find someone in your area or nearby and talk to them in confidence. It will cost, but it shouldnt be massive and it will help.
Remember that some things those close to you will have problems helping you with. You need somebody who is not emotionally attached to you and has the skills to help you deal with your issues. I'm about to do it myself as my partner (who does similar stuff) hassled me into it.

Good luck.

RossFixxxed

Hey OP,

First off go to the GP. Right now, then read the rest of your thread. This is the single best step you will take, and it is the most difficult.

I have been that soldier mate, I've been in some horrible situations, and horrible places in my own head.

HOWEVER, there is MOST certainly light at the end of the tunnell. It amazes me I'm THAT guy writing this post. I know how closed off I was, how I refused to get help, it was like an addiction to be honest. What a weird one to have. But I know what you are going through and the GP is the first step.

Don't try to solve it all overnight, you should take steps, you will improve with each one. Diet, exercise, drink, drugs etc all have a huge effect but trying in one day to change it all is crazy.

I keep saying it for a reason: go to the doctor. Make that your big step. He will help. It's a weight off to just be diagnosed. You then know it's 'illness A' and what we do is 'treatment A'. Believe me.

The thing is after a few steps this all took on momentum, and I have been steadily improving. Had a big week, lay offs announced in work, rent renegotiations, interviews for jobs, things that a few years ago would literally have me hiding under the bed. I was anxious and jumpy but my rent is down, I've gotten second interview and I'm feeling positive. I'm CERTAINLY not trying to boast or say ooo look at me, I'm saying LOOK AT YOU in a little bit of time. That's a great thing. I'm more motivated and more interested in things again too, which leads to better results.... You get the picture.

If there's anything I can add PM me, but really the important things are:

• Go to the doctor
• YOU ARE NOT ALONE IN THIS
• There is light at the end of the tunnell, and I'm still surprised to be writing that
• Go to the doctor, seriously
• There are people who care about you and they will be a huge help, hell there's even me!

Lots of people will recommend books, Eckhard Tolle etc, and they are very good books, but they may be a little too positive, happy clappy in your current mind state. I know I used to LOATHE that sort of thing, it's only after seeing a little light that I'm starting to appreciate it.

Good luck OP, frankly I hope you're not reading this as you're at the GP!

R

Big inner

Hi OP,

Like the other posters you are not alone, I too suffered from it a couple of years ago and didn't want to talk to anyone, became very self involved despite having a very active life.

My advice to you is to go see your doctor, depression nowadays is like the flu (not swine), its very common and doctors are well used to it. Sounds like you need to see a councillor but the doctor will assess all that. They are great to just be able to dump all your problems on and then see which ones are affecting you then most and then try to remedy them.

In the mean time try get out and go for runs, walks. Either go alone or go with the girlfriend. Remember places like the phienox park, tymon park, marley park are all free. Excersise will help release the good endorphenes (not sure about spelling) and naturally make you feel better. Also maybe suggest to mates to go to the park with a football, rugby ball or frisbie (my fav, endless fun), it'll both social and good for you.

Hope all gets better and remember, there will be jobs on the horizon, doubt you'll have to wait 12 months given the major EU nations are now out of recession (so to speak).

Head up and as you said yourself there are others in far worse situations, good luck and keep us posted.

RossFixxxed

In terms of talking to the GP or how: print out your post and just spill you heart out. The things to tell him are how you are feeling and the impact it has on your life.

Just go. They are professionals and have seen this a lot!

LostinBlanch

That's just what I was going to say Ross. Print it out and bring it along to the GP. If you can't print it out, don't use it as an excuse not to go to the GP. Do go to the GP, and get help. Good luck with it.

lunacyfoundme

I'm going through almost exactly the same thing at the minute except the focus of my depression is that I can't get a girl to go out with me rather than find a job.

The not seeing your friends thing is bad IMO cause my friends are one of the few things that keep me sane although if you have a GF maybe that helps. If she's worth her salt then you really should be able to take to her about the depression. She may worry about you but how will she be feeling if you top yourself.

I probably shouldn't be giving anybody advice on this as I'm not handling my own depression too well but one thing that I'm abosultely sure will help you is exercise. Go for some four mile runs (start off with shorter runs). Exercise always helps me feel good at least for a while. You should exercise every day. There's a reason they say 'Healthy body, healthy mind'.

As a distraction you could try learning a language too. I started learning Spanish this year and found it's one thing I actually really enjoy and look forward to. Its a good use of your time until you find work as well.

As for going to the doctor yeah you should probably do that. I haven't cause I still live at home for the minute and my parents have enough to worry about without me having to take loads of drugs for depression. Talking to someone who isn't close to you might also help. I'd love to talk to my friends about this but always get the feeling that they don't care or even that laying this on them will change or damage the relationship. That won't happen if you talk to a doctor.

poss

Here's my fifty cents on this...

Yes, by all means go and see your GP if you're suffering from severe depression, he will most probably refer you to a professional.

But also, i would seriously consider going to see a counsellor for therapy. You can look them up in your area, they've heard it all and they're non-judgemental. They can also help you with your thoughts/feelings.

LegacyUser

Don't forget you could always call The Samaritans. Its anonymous so it might give you an opportunity to practice how to express what you are feeling if you like.

LegacyUser

and I hope you get help.

I was diagnosed with clinical depression over 12 years. I've been on anti-depressants for most of that time. I've been to various counsellors over the years including two CBTs. I felt great for a while after each series of counselling (which took months and a lot of money) but over time the over-whelming feelings of worthlessness and despair would creep back in take over.

Currently, I have no job - not just cos of the recession but because I genuinely cannot work. I don't sleep well except possibly one night out of four and I often shake with fear and anxiety. I cry a lot too. A short trip to the local shops can be a major contemplation to me.

I've been on Illness Benefit for about a year. The so-called friends I really cherished and appreciated were completely not interested in supporting or helping me when things got bad. I haven't seen them in over two years. I really tried to help and support them if they needed it and was a good buddy to them. They simply weren't the friends I thought they were - their lack of support plunged me into deeper depression.

Not long before that I broke up with by boyfriend of over three years (these friends never liked him though he was a very kind person mostly) because of my depression. His own mother was diagnosed with cancer and was dying and he felt he couldn't cope with supporting me and dealing with his mother's illness.

The last 2 and a half years of my life have been utter hell most of the time. The last 12 years have been littered with innumerable deep dark periods of utter helplessness.

I'm over 42, I have one friend whom I see about twice a month in their home to watch TV (it gets me out f the house!), and I had to leave my rented home as I could no longer afford to keep it and more back in with my parents last year.

My family do their best but they are lost as to what to do; they have little understanding of depression, are fearful and embarrassed with I talk to them about it and and have other concerns in their own lives.

Frankly people get bored and weary dealing with someone who needs a lot of support. Most of the time I'm around anyone, especially my family I pretend every-thing's fine. It can be very tiring but it's worth it rather than people thinking I'm looking for attention for my problems.

I'm very sad, lonely, depressed and contemplate suicide often and also self-harm. I have no future prospects, no social life, have extremely low self esteem and find it horrifically difficult to talk to people I've never met before bar in official circumstances like in the Social Welfare office.

The thing that keeps me from killing myself is the damage it would do to my parents. They would find impossible to understand and very hard to cope with.

So my advice to you OP - is get help now and as quickly as possible.

- Ask lots of questions of you GP
- get him or her to give you as much info on your options as possible
- don't simply accept anti-depressants
- get info on counselling, support groups, charities etc.
- Research the web for info as well but be careful of 'quick fix' therapies and ask for info on these through your GP or counsellor.

Surround yourself with positive people you absolutely know you can trust and share with them as much as you can. Make sure these people are ones who are willing to support you and be with you - for the long haul not just while it suits them.

Most of all - You DO NOT want to be ten or 12 years down the line and be like me.

Good luck and I hope you find the right path to recovery for you.

LegacyUser

OP and other readers, I second what the previous Unregistered Poster above writes as a warning. If you can, get some help as early as you can and try to sort out the depression.

I have never been diagnosed with depression but that's only because I've never sought help for it. I'm also in my 40s, single, without a job long term, no income at the moment and I dont qualify for SW, other significant stressful factors ongoing which I wont go into, the few friends I have I hardly see these days because they're wrapped up in new relationships. There are times when I have periods of hopelessness and struggle through days of dark thoughts. These can be black days but I have managed to come through them so far bad as they are.
I may be my own worst enemy and personally I dont want to take tablets or to talk to a therapist. I may know in my heart I have depression. Part is a kind of public denial, part embarrassment, part shocking low self esteem, or it could be like some addicts unable to seek help until they reach rock bottom.
All I would say to the OP, and to others, is to do as I say not as I do and actively look for a positive and constructive way to negotiate your depression before it engulfs and paralyzes you.

LegacyUser

AND - to anyone else that has read this thread -

and feels they may be experiencing depression or be depressed...

- through severe loneliness
- the loss of a job
- financial troubles
- lack of friends/loved ones/family/anyone to talk to
- have no support
- feeling isolated

(to name but a few of the awful real symptoms of clinical depression)...

PLEASE - REALLY - PLEASE!!! - talk to a health care professional, doctor or nurse.

The first step has to be a GP or family doctor.

If you don't feel comfortable doing that, you can go to a GP outside of your immediate area or in another town or city that maybe more feel comfortable for you - and they will be able to help you and willing to listen to you.

If you feel it's too hard to talk or say anything or articulate your feelings - write them down and show the doctor what you've been thinking, feeling and writing about - if that helps you.

Don't be afraid of doing this.

It's a huge step to see a doctor and tell them your feeling depressed and it can be very difficult to convey those feelings.

Any doctor would welcome any way of helping to make the right diagnosis for you.

So if you have something written down (if you can't express those feelings verbally) - bring a written record or letter or diary. They will read an try their best to understand what you're goign through.

The only thing I can say, from my 12 years experience of dealing with difficult mental health is - do not think or believe that ....

- you are alone
- and that anti-depressants will be a 'cure all'.

Anti-depressants are and can be a good way to help you manage what you're going through. They can help you manage your depressed feelings.

Anti-depressant medication are (often) a necessary treatment and development towards your mental well being.

BUT - there are many other routes you should explore - WITH the help of anti-depressant medication.

Counselling and trying to find the right counsellor for you, is one. Support groups is another. Mental Health charities and support is another.

Many counsellors are fully qualified with proper counselling qualifications. Support groups can be found with the help of a GP and/or counsellor.

Many mental health charities like Aware.ie, GROW.ie, Mental Health Ireland.ie have support info and some have help phone lines that you can call and get info from as well as simply talking to them about what you are going through.

Also, it may seem as if you supposedly should be really desperate to do this but it's not true or the case.

Calling (http://www.dublinsamaritans.ie/index.shtml) The Samaritans is one way of pouring out your heart and feelings and asking for help.

You are not desperate and alone in doing this. Listening counselling is very therapeutic and helpful for you.

If you want to call The Samaritans at 1850 60 90 90 (or any helpline) - even once or every day or whenever you need to - don't worry about that. They will listen an help you.

You can also email The Samaritans - jo@samaritans.org - if you choose to.

Don't feel your 'above' or not 'too bad' or wrong or too ashamed to call or email them - they listen and read and respond.

One thing that is clear to me over the many years of my personal dealing/treatment with my own depression and mental health issues is that a lot of people (good friends, close family memebers etc) no matter whom they may be - many of these good, loving people have or will have a 'hang-up' or inhibition about mental health and what depression is.

You cannot help that or change that.

Some of your friends or family may be more receptive than others. This attitude will surprise you - often in a positive way.

Some of the people you thought may not respond positively will do so - and very well. Others that you thought would be more responsive may be 'afraid' and can't or won't help.

Don't let that put you off.

Get help - seek help - try to talk - make the effort - talk to your GP - listen and ask lots of questions about your future treatment.