Invitation rule-breaking?

WesternNight

Right, I'll just start by saying that I'm not engaged yet, but this is something that stresses me out a bit to even think about...let alone actually having to deal with it...so here goes.

There are certain people in my family that I would prefer not inviting to my wedding (well, one, mainly). If I definitely don't want to invite this person, then I'll be forced to leave out other people of the same catagory (aunts and uncles & their spouses) that I do actually want to be at my wedding.

The easiest thing would be to just invite her and cause no hassle to anyone else. And that's probably what I'll end up having to do. If I knew it wouldn't cause any problems within the family I'd have no problems not inviting her. But it likely would.

I've always said that I'd be perfectly happy to speak to her myself beforehand and explain to her why I don't want her at my wedding and that it's my decision and that none of the rest of the family had anything to do with it etc.

I know it sounds a bit like I'm being a picky bitch who's making a mountain out of a molehill, but I've never liked that people have to do whatever their parents/families want rather that what *they* want on their wedding day. I'd love if there was a culture of "invite whoever you want, and leave out who you don't want" rather than "well if you invite one aunt you have to invite all of them and if you invite one cousin it's all of them too".

Basically...either way it'll bother me. I don't want her anywhere near my wedding, but I don't want to cause problems for other people by not inviting her.

Has anyone had similar dilemmas and if so how did you deal with it?

smelltheglove

It is an awkward one. I had an issue with the number to invite from my family. My husbands totalled 14, he has a small family but mine was around 80 at one point so I had to get strict. Rather than inviting the cousins that went to most weddings I just invited the ones I speak to and get along with. This meant cutting out the oldest cousin from teh family for one but I dont know here so why bother.

Anyway after the wedding my dad said he was disappointed this sister of his did not go as everyone else di and asked her why and she said because her daughter wasnt inivited. He asked was that a mistake and I said no, I just said look I cant really afford to pay 60 a head for 2 people I dont know and frankly it didnt make a difference to me if the aunt didnt go either as I dont particularily know her, I cant recall one time she ever visited our house, ever!

Point is, who gives a damn really? I mean if people are going to decline just because one person isnt invited let them do so, thats their loss, obviously they arent close enough to be required anyway.

bigbadcon

Theres obviously a good reason why you wouldnt want to invite this person so I wouldnt feel guilty not inviting them.

Its your special day and there shouldnt be anyone there that you feel may either ruin the day for you or anybody else.

Im in a similar situation with an even closer relation and im just thinking I dont need the hassle. Worrying about a guest is the last thing you need.

You dont want to be avoiding one side of the room because someone that you want to avoid is there.

Youll probably find it hard to invite even those that you want to go nowadays with prices the way they are...

WesternNight

Thanks for the replies!

I won't have to deal with it for a couple of years at least...but it's something I want to have a plan in place for when the time comes.

I know my mother will be one of the people wanting to keep the peace, even though she wouldn't mind this person not being there either.

And yeah, there is a good reason...she's an in-law (uncle's wife) and she's stirred some amount of trouble in the family in the past. It kind of divided the family down the middle (ish) so there'll be some kicking up about leaving her out and some absolutely delighted.

But like I said...I'd be willing to send out memos (metaphorically) disclaiming that I'd be happy to speak to and explain to anyone who has a problem with it. Just so my mother doesn't get any hassle for it.

Heh, families...who'd have 'em?

tinkerbell

I've thought about this too for when I eventually get married. There are people in my family who I would not invite (certain uncles and aunts). I wouldn't care less what people thought if certain people were left out and others invited. It's your day for celebration, you should only have people there who YOU want to be there.

This whole sense of entitlement when it comes to weddings really bugs me. People just expect to be invited and get insulted if they aren't. They are just too ignorant to realise that there's actually a reason as to why they weren't in the first place.

DreamC

At my own wedding my father was the only representative of his own family And when somebody started telling my mum that it was not nice that I was not inviting my dad's cousin and her family, though both my mum and dad had been at her wedding (yeah - some 20 years ago lol ), my mum just answered: "When I will be getting married again, I will invite her too."

I would agree that an invitation to your own wedding is not an entitlement, it's a privellege. It's YOUR day and it's up to you who is going to share it with you.