Boyfriend's Family

fluffytulip

Hi,

Myself and my boyfriend have been engaged a while now and we have decided to set the date for next year. we havent told anyone yet as want to get to get the church and reception venue booked 1st. Anyways this has got me all worked up over his familly not really his parents but his sisters one of them really who just doesnt seem to like me at all. I hardly even see them as it is, if there is any outings etc i will go but none of them make the effort to talk to me, i just feel like im hated by them. I have tried talking to them and im always nice etc. i just dont know what to do. like im going to be part of there family next year.myself & oh have one child. the only grandchild in either famillies, were all quite young. and advice greatly appreciated.

Nervous Wreck

End of the day, you're marrying your oh, not his family. It'd be great if everyone got along like a house on fire but sometimes that's just not the way. My sister's in your exact situation (though sometimes her OH's sisters go out of their way to make snide comments) but she's learned to leave it be. She won't be married to them, nor will she be living with them. A grain of salt helps a lot in these situations, I reckon...!

fluffytulip

Nervous Wreck wrote: »

End of the day, you're marrying your oh, not his family. It'd be great if everyone got along like a house on fire but sometimes that's just not the way. My sister's in your exact situation (though sometimes her OH's sisters go out of their way to make snide comments) but she's learned to leave it be. She won't be married to them, nor will she be living with them. A grain of salt helps a lot in these situations, I reckon...!

hi nervous wreck, thanks for the post. your right i guess i want everyone to get on. i was hoping that when we announce the date we could all have a big family get together. my parents have met bf's parents and get on great. I reckon they do talk about me behind my back, bf said he has never heard anything and if he did he would tell me but as far as he knows they like me. im 24 his sisters are 22 and 20. both still living at home. myself and bf bought our own house 3years ago. i dont know if its a bit of jealousy aswell, i dont know and i dont want to seem bitchy because im not,i even added them on my facebook but one of them declined it. so that doesnt exactly fill me with hope that this one likes me? i know it shoudnt matter, i should just get on with things and forget about them, its so hard going to visit when no one wants to talk to you get to know you only his parents we live 1.5 hrs away same with my parents. my bf gets on with my sister and brother and is friends with them, weve even all been on holidays together

wexford202

Hi There,

I really see where you are coming from. The exact thing has happened to me with my brother in laws wife.

I used to let her always get me down with her nasty remarks etc. I was always civil though as that shows you are the better person.

The thing is that happens to most girls so I wouldn't take it personally.

His sisters and mother are probaly used to doing thing for him and getting him things and now they are just raging that he doesn't need them anymore as he now has you as his support.

They will get over it.

Tell your other half if it really bothers you. I told my husband and before we got married he let it rip at them as I am a good person and the only people in the world I do not get on with is my in laws. I'm sure your other half has your back.

fluffytulip

wexford202 wrote: »

Hi There,

I really see where you are coming from. The exact thing has happened to me with my brother in laws wife.

I used to let her always get me down with her nasty remarks etc. I was always civil though as that shows you are the better person.

The thing is that happens to most girls so I wouldn't take it personally.

His sisters and mother are probaly used to doing thing for him and getting him things and now they are just raging that he doesn't need them anymore as he now has you as his support.

They will get over it.

Tell your other half if it really bothers you. I told my husband and before we got married he let it rip at them as I am a good person and the only people in the world I do not get on with is my in laws. I'm sure your other half has your back.

Hi wexford,thanks for the reply. Im trying not to take it personally but i cant help myselft! im a softie at the best of times and i just feel so stupid like why do i even bother with them. my bf has said it to her one night we were out so do u like (me)? she said yeah of course..i couldnt help think she was been sarcastic but maybe not. its like id love to go visit his mum/dad more go out where he comes from with his friends down to his local but i feel im not welcome. she hasnt even been ever been in this house her own brothers house can you believe that? she drives aswell..and not exactly busy, none of them ever offer to babysit not that that matters but shir while im getting everything out i might as well tell all!! im just so confused, why can girls be so bi*tchy at times :rolleyes:

R.D. aka MR.D

wexford202 wrote: »

His sisters and mother are probaly used to doing thing for him and getting him things and now they are just raging that he doesn't need them anymore as he now has you as his support.

First of all this is like an ephinany for me!

Hi OP i am also in the situation of not nice sister.

She makes horrible comments to me. told me once that an event was 'family only' :rolleyes: after the family inviting me!

I stressed about it alot until my OH's little brother introduced his new gf to her and she looked her up and down and turned away. It was then that i realised that she was a bitch and no matter what i tried to do she would never like me. She is 9 yrs older than me and OH's bros girlfriend. i would have expected better.

Some sisters seem to have the opinion that no one is good enough for their brother.

At the minute i am civil to her and don't worry about her. i'd like if we could be friends but i've come to accept that it won't happen until she changes her attitude towards me. I still have no idea why she doesn't like me! But the difference is i don't let it bother me.

If your worried about the wedding, all you have to do is pass yourself by inviting them to be included to the extent they want.
Hopefully some day they will grow up and realise you are part of their family and to at least be nice to you.

Its just a sad fact of life that not everyone can like us though.

Best of luck. Don't let them get you down.

wexford202

I wouldn't worry about your wedding either.

Payback is great.

I was told when my brother in law was getting married to his biatch wife that I would only be asked if I as still going out with my man. I was with him 4 years then with no break ups or anything. Now that was hurtful. As my guy was best man he was travelling with the groom so I was told that I couldn't go with my in laws because she was afraid the photographer might get one photo of me so I went with his aunt and uncle who I have to say saw what she was like and made sure I had a ball that day.

I swore that when I got married that I would teach her. I didn't let her get involved at all. She was pregnant about 13 weeks at my wedding and she was one of these I won't tell everyone till after the wedding but was whispering it to anyone that could listen so when another family member told me this I got my husband to make a big thing and give her a big congratulations during the speeches as then nobody was interested because it wasn't a secret anymore. I let her in one photo and it didn't go into my album.

You do not have to put up with it whether it is a mother in law or sister in law.

You will have your day the way you want it. It doesn't bother me anymore that my inlaws might not be my biggest fans as long as I have a very happy marriage with my husband and he knows I would do anything for him.

Your bloke seems like a good guy from what you say and if he wants to marry you he abviously doesn't care what their thoughts are about the thing.

LegacyUser

Being devils advocate here but maybe its not that they dont like you but theu dont like the situation.

You said you already have a little child so maybe they were at home with your bf's parents when all this was announced and maybe just maybe his parents were not happy about their son having a baby so young and outside of marriage (i'm not saying that is right, I am just giving a different perspective). Maybe the two girls had to hear about the pregnancy through their parents eyes all the time and maybe it did not go down as well as expected, even though his parents maybe never have said this to you. They may have said it to him though. That could be the reason one girl has never visited or offered to babysit.

I know that I would only want the best for my brother, and certainly have become involved before when a situation needed to be clarified. For the record, I am not a bitch from hell, and my brothers girlfriend (still the same one) and I are very very close now. At the time I knew my brother was having difficulties and I asked him to step back and look at what he wanted. everything worked out for the best, but i do think that you should ask yourself why they are both like this and try to understand it from their point of view.

fluffytulip

R.D. aka MR.D wrote: »

First of all this is like an ephinany for me!

Hi OP i am also in the situation of not nice sister.

She makes horrible comments to me. told me once that an event was 'family only' :rolleyes: after the family inviting me!

I stressed about it alot until my OH's little brother introduced his new gf to her and she looked her up and down and turned away. It was then that i realised that she was a bitch and no matter what i tried to do she would never like me. She is 9 yrs older than me and OH's bros girlfriend. i would have expected better.

Some sisters seem to have the opinion that no one is good enough for their brother.

At the minute i am civil to her and don't worry about her. i'd like if we could be friends but i've come to accept that it won't happen until she changes her attitude towards me. I still have no idea why she doesn't like me! But the difference is i don't let it bother me.

If your worried about the wedding, all you have to do is pass yourself by inviting them to be included to the extent they want.
Hopefully some day they will grow up and realise you are part of their family and to at least be nice to you.

Its just a sad fact of life that not everyone can like us though.

Best of luck. Don't let them get you down.

thanks for the reply, god you bf's sister sounds like a utter bi***!!! at least your not letting her get to you which is the main thing

wexford202 wrote: »

I wouldn't worry about your wedding either.

Payback is great.

I was told when my brother in law was getting married to his biatch wife that I would only be asked if I as still going out with my man. I was with him 4 years then with no break ups or anything. Now that was hurtful. As my guy was best man he was travelling with the groom so I was told that I couldn't go with my in laws because she was afraid the photographer might get one photo of me so I went with his aunt and uncle who I have to say saw what she was like and made sure I had a ball that day.

I swore that when I got married that I would teach her. I didn't let her get involved at all. She was pregnant about 13 weeks at my wedding and she was one of these I won't tell everyone till after the wedding but was whispering it to anyone that could listen so when another family member told me this I got my husband to make a big thing and give her a big congratulations during the speeches as then nobody was interested because it wasn't a secret anymore. I let her in one photo and it didn't go into my album.

You do not have to put up with it whether it is a mother in law or sister in law.

You will have your day the way you want it. It doesn't bother me anymore that my inlaws might not be my biggest fans as long as I have a very happy marriage with my husband and he knows I would do anything for him.

Your bloke seems like a good guy from what you say and if he wants to marry you he abviously doesn't care what their thoughts are about the thing.

im laughing here at what happened at your wedding, that reminds me of one we went to and my bf was best man and i knew absolutely nobody. the sister that im on about here helped make the table plan she put me with my back to the top table and beside oldies (nothing wrong with them but all the young ones were at another table.) i had a great night anyway didnt let her get to me.

Unregistered wrote: »

Being devils advocate here but maybe its not that they dont like you but theu dont like the situation.

You said you already have a little child so maybe they were at home with your bf's parents when all this was announced and maybe just maybe his parents were not happy about their son having a baby so young and outside of marriage (i'm not saying that is right, I am just giving a different perspective). Maybe the two girls had to hear about the pregnancy through their parents eyes all the time and maybe it did not go down as well as expected, even though his parents maybe never have said this to you. They may have said it to him though. That could be the reason one girl has never visited or offered to babysit.

I know that I would only want the best for my brother, and certainly have become involved before when a situation needed to be clarified. For the record, I am not a bitch from hell, and my brothers girlfriend (still the same one) and I are very very close now. At the time I knew my brother was having difficulties and I asked him to step back and look at what he wanted. everything worked out for the best, but i do think that you should ask yourself why they are both like this and try to understand it from their point of view.

hiya, yeah ive thought about this to but tbh i dont think its not that they dont like the suitation i think it is just me when i found out i was pregnant his mum was the first person we told well he told she is a down to earth women and she isnt say like my mum which you could tell was disappoited in me when this came out. bf's mum is very layed back even with his sisters that still live at home, allowed have bf's over etc when younger. im not saying that shes a complete idiot but shes ok about things. I think im just going to leave things, i havent seen any of then since xmas and ive no reason to, if they want to act like this let them, there not going to annoy me or ruin my wedding day. id love to not even invite them but suppose i have ta!!