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Adopted but after 30yrs birth mom wants to contact

  • 11-08-2009 11:22pm
    Closed Accounts Posts: 14

    Well were do i start,really i should start when i was told i was adopted shouldnt i.Well i was seven years of age sitting in between a sofa and a armchair in my mam and dads,i rememeber my mam saying to me that "Do you know where you came from",and as a child i said yes mammy from you,she then asked me to sit beside her because she needed to tell me a story about a girl that needed to give her prince away to the queen.Anywho i was told that i was adopted and at a young age i was questioning are you my mammy and daddy and yes the confusion that went with it,but im so grateful and stronger because i have the best parents in the world in my eyes,but as i said confusion and hate not from me but other family members like cousins.One cousin attacked me on two seperate occasions the first when i was 9 and she called me a bastard and she said "you have no mammy or daddy" the second was in blackpool and she tried to drown me lol,so thats a tad bit of my childhood backround but now were the best of mates kids will be kids.So there a few weeks ago i get a letter from the information and tracing department asking for me to get in contact with them and yep i did and the shock hit me,i was always asked would i trace down my natural parents and i said **** no sure why would i,i have my parents and my own family,but i got curious and so i rang the number and she told me the story and now 2moro ive got to meet with the social worker to find out who or what is going on and my nerves are gone lol:eek:


  • Registered Users Posts: 2,131 ✭✭✭holly_johnson

    Don't panic.
    Tomorrow is just the social worker, not your birth mother.
    All she will probably do is give you some non-identifying information, and have a chat with you about how you feel about the contact, and if you want to proceed. There's no pressure.

    Just see how things go, and you can always take some time to think about it/talk to your family before you make any decision.

    Good luck!

  • Registered Users Posts: 121 ✭✭MaryMagdalene

    Hi there, first of all congradulations - whatever you decide you have an opportunity many would die for.

    Secondly we are not all that scarey :D us natural mothers.

    However, take your time. Take things at a pace you are comfortable with.

    The nosey part of me would love to know how you get on so please keep us posted :).

  • Registered Users Posts: 324 ✭✭kathy finn

    im sure your still in shock, the meeting with ur social worker will answer any questions you might have, contact with ur birthmother if u want it is a long way off and its up to you how much or little contact.
    you can start with exchanging letters and when u feel comfortable you can meet a lot of people just want the one meeting, others want more.
    give urself time to get used to the idea..good luck kathy

  • Closed Accounts Posts: 14 transporter-d

    Well i went to my meeting with the social worker and my god it was strange,scary and a hell of alot to take in but great.Well i got the names of my natural birth parents which is grand but the mad thing is i have a different name that they gave me to the one i have now and also i have a sister who is two years older than me.So theres me thinking that the person who was looking for me was my birth mother nah it was my biological sister and she was also adopted,i didnt know what to say and i just thought to myself thank god im not alone inside anymore and i was told that she felt the same.

  • Registered Users Posts: 2,131 ✭✭✭holly_johnson

    Wow! Well congrats on finding a sister! I'm delighted for you.
    Just take your time now to digest the info you've received and see how you feel in a couple of days.

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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 14 transporter-d

    Thanks Holly_Johnson,it was such a great shock,she has been trying to trace me since 2004,but i will post more later lol im still trying to decode all the info and the social worker was lovely.

  • Registered Users Posts: 324 ✭✭kathy finn

    congrats on finding a new sister, i met my brother for the first time 2 years ago and we get on great.
    by the way we all had birthnames before we where adopted and they where changed, we all had birthcerts too.
    good luck to you and your sister and i hope all goes well......kathy

  • Closed Accounts Posts: 14 transporter-d

    Thanks Kathy,and congrats yo you also.I never knew that we as adopted people had other birth certs but at the the same time i didnt really have time to do a little research.But it was crazy when i was told that my sister was adopted aswell and that she went looking for biological parents because when she was pregnant she needed to know about family ilness so she done a search and she found a match with me but couldnt locate me but she did find our biological father,and they met up and such,and the reason as you know yourself that i was only contacted now is because the hse only got my file a couple of weeks ago.So i gave all my info to the social worker to pass onto my sister and she then gave me info on my sister,and when we were both asked who would we like to meet first we both said eachother before we meet the biological parents lol god such a great shock.

  • Registered Users Posts: 121 ✭✭MaryMagdalene

    Hi Transporter-D, that is great newsand thanks for letting us know.

    I am glad you were brave enough to go and hugely rewarded for doing so.

    I'm thrilled for her that she was finally successful - 5yrs knowing you were out there and not knowing if you knew about her must have been really difficult. I'm sure there were many times she felt like giving up but she didn't. She sounds like a great person.

    I wish you both all the best in building up your relationship and in whatever lies ahead.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 43 User21027

    I found my cousin in Feb 09. He was 47 yrs old and now we are very close.
    My father is the youngest of many children. When he was 8 yrs old, his sis was killed. Turns out she was forced to give up a baby at age 19, 2 yrs before her death. I spoke to the detectives in charge of her death and got the baby's DOB. I contacted NSAI, a voluntary organisation and gave the DOB to them. I was called within an hour and told she had found him.

    He had been told of his mother's demise 15 yrs previous and was devestated. No-one had any info on the family so he was met with a brick wall. He put it behind him. When i found him, it was a major knock. To be contacted 15 yrs later at age 47 was huge for him.

    He had been teased by mean cousins as a child but never figured out why they jibed him. Then when he tried to marry his previous name popped up and was quickly and badly brushed over by the priest. So he went digging and realise he was adopted. Poor love.

    We can now give him info on his mother, pictures, stories, a family tree and explain the origins of his birth name.

    We have become very friendly and close very quickly- a speed at which he choose as we didnt want to rush him- and are enjoying the new extended family.

    It can work out.

    Granted the questions he would have had for his mother can never be answered, but we have disclosed everything we can, and will coninue to support him in every way. :)

    Good Luck to you all.

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  • Registered Users Posts: 312 ✭✭ash_18x

    User21027 wrote: »
    I found my cousin in Feb 09. He was 47 yrs old and now we are very close.
    My father is the youngest of many children. When he was 8 yrs old, his sis was killed. Turns out she was forced to give up a baby at age 19, 2 yrs before her death. I spoke to the detectives in charge of her death and got the baby's DOB. I contacted NSAI, a voluntary organisation and gave the DOB to them. I was called within an hour and told she had found him.

    i am delighted it has worked out for you.

    who are the NSAI? Do you have any more details for them? My dad is currently looking for his father and this might help him too.

  • Closed Accounts Posts: 23,862 ✭✭✭✭January

    Hi all,
    transporter-d just asked me to give you a quick update (I am his partner :) ).
    He received a letter from his biological sister this week. He wrote one back to her today and gave it to the social worker to send. They are also swapping photographs.

    They are hoping to meet soon. :)


  • Registered Users Posts: 324 ✭✭kathy finn

    thats great news hope u and your sister have a great reunion....kathy:D:D:D

  • Closed Accounts Posts: 23,862 ✭✭✭✭January

    UPDATE NO. 2!!

    My partner and his sister are meeting on the 4th November for the first time! She's travelling over from Manchester to meet him.

  • Registered Users Posts: 121 ✭✭MaryMagdalene

    Adrieanne__x, thanks to you both for keeping us all updated. Nothing more annoying than being left wondering (the nosey parker in me rears its head :)!!).

    I will be wishing them both happy thoughts on the day.