Very very confused but trying not to hurt anyone....

LegacyUser

My ex slept with another woman and I recently found out. He did it before he fell in love with me apparently. I broke up with him immediately as I hate cheating and lies etc. A guy friend of mine who I was close to was there for me and we end up kissing the day after. It felt right at the time. I don't want to jump into another relationship at all. For the last couple of weeks, since kissing, we can't seem to hang out without being all coupley. When I'm alone, it scares me a bit. I'm being completely honest with him about how confused I am. I don't want to cut off contact.. but I'm afraid I'll end up hurting him. And my ex is trying to get back with me. I've told my ex I'm never getting back with him, but deep down I think maybe someday. I I've never had feelings like this for two people at the same time before. I don't want to mess anyone around. I'm in my mid twenties and my ex and I went out for almost two years. Has anyone any advice on what I should do?. Thanks.

muboop1

sooconfused wrote: »

My ex slept with another woman and I recently found out. He did it before he fell in love with me apparently. I broke up with him immediately as I hate cheating and lies etc. A guy friend of mine who I was close to was there for me and we end up kissing the day after. It felt right at the time. I don't want to jump into another relationship at all. For the last couple of weeks, since kissing, we can't seem to hang out without being all coupley. When I'm alone, it scares me a bit. I'm being completely honest with him about how confused I am. I don't want to cut off contact.. but I'm afraid I'll end up hurting him. And my ex is trying to get back with me. I've told my ex I'm never getting back with him, but deep down I think maybe someday. I I've never had feelings like this for two people at the same time before. I don't want to mess anyone around. I'm in my mid twenties and my ex and I went out for almost two years. Has anyone any advice on what I should do?. Thanks.

That’s kind of confusing, so am I right in saying this is what you mean?

You had a bf, who turns out slept with another girl when you just started going out. But then fell properly in love with you and never done it again.

When you found this out you dumped him.

Your mate was there the day after you dumped him and comforted you when you were upset.

You kissed the mate.

Last few weeks you and mate have been getting very couply…

You don’t know what you want, your very confused.

Not over the ex, possible future there still?? He wants it and I might in the future…
New guy seems to be going the way of a relationship…

Very confused?

Firstly,
Can you ever trust the ex again? If not that’s game over between you and him…

New guy, are you sure you aren’t just replacing all you old feeling for bf on him?
Rebound and all that?

Seems awfully fast tbh!

You have been with a guy for 2 years, it would be natural for you to instantly transfer feelings across. Is this happening?

My guess harsh as it sounds is, new guy is rebound. Old guy you have to decide, you can trust him again in which case go for it, if you doubt or cant, let it go…

Be single, or date around… enjoy being single for a while!

LegacyUser

muboop1 wrote: »

That’s kind of confusing, so am I right in saying this is what you mean?

You had a bf, who turns out slept with another girl when you just started going out. But then fell properly in love with you and never done it again.

When you found this out you dumped him.

Your mate was there the day after you dumped him and comforted you when you were upset.

You kissed the mate.

Last few weeks you and mate have been getting very couply…

You don’t know what you want, your very confused.

Not over the ex, possible future there still?? He wants it and I might in the future…
New guy seems to be going the way of a relationship…

Very confused?

Firstly,
Can you ever trust the ex again? If not that’s game over between you and him…

New guy, are you sure you aren’t just replacing all you old feeling for bf on him?
Rebound and all that?

Seems awfully fast tbh!

You have been with a guy for 2 years, it would be natural for you to instantly transfer feelings across. Is this happening?

My guess harsh as it sounds is, new guy is rebound. Old guy you have to decide, you can trust him again in which case go for it, if you doubt or cant, let it go…

Be single, or date around… enjoy being single for a while!

My post did come across quite confusing. Thanks for simplifying it. You got it in one.
I haven't figured out if I can trust my ex again. I suppose time will tell me that.
I know my guy friend really doesn't want me to even consider getting back with my ex because of what my ex did. I know the logical thing to do is to stop hanging out with this friend of mine as we'll only get closer. I just wish it was easier as we get on really well. I don't know if I'm transferring feelings across as there was something 'there' before I found out about my ex and how he cheated/lied. Nothing would have ever developed if the lies/cheating hadn't come to light as I had been in a good relationship up until that point. I never loved anyone like my ex. Thanks for replying.

muboop1

sooconfused wrote: »

My post did come across quite confusing. Thanks for simplifying it. You got it in one.
I haven't figured out if I can trust my ex again. I suppose time will tell me that.
I know my guy friend really doesn't want me to even consider getting back with my ex because of what my ex did. I know the logical thing to do is to stop hanging out with this friend of mine as we'll only get closer. I just wish it was easier as we get on really well. I don't know if I'm transferring feelings across as there was something 'there' before I found out about my ex and how he cheated/lied. Nothing would have ever developed if the lies/cheating hadn't come to light as I had been in a good relationship up until that point. I never loved anyone like my ex. Thanks for replying.

For record, this is all just my opinions, and i'm sorry if it is confusing, im just writing whats popping into my head as i go along.

But yeh the guy friend doesn't want you to be with your ex,
He thinks he treated you bad etc.. most people wouldn't want this.

But at same time, he has obviously invested something in you!
He won't know how you felt with him, or if it was worth getting past, or anything. Most people won't.

It wasn't his relationship to know this stuff... only person who can answer these questions is you! Your mate's opinion is irrelevant due to the bias and lack of knowledge.

Just know, if you do get back with ex... you mate, well he will either stop being your friend, or honestly for the sake of your relationship you have to let him go...

He will be a temptation or a reminder of the pain etc... and a constant source of jealousy from your bf... or something

Things never can go back to how they were i don't think.

Messy i know.

Other thing to note is, if you aren't sure you can trust the ex, for your own piece of mind. Maybe best to let him go and just see how the future goes! if a few weeks down the line things happen again fine.

But if you are unsure... for you and him(not that he deserves it) get over it as best you can.

Don't prolong it.

Good luck.
:pac:

LegacyUser

been there, pretty much exactly the same.
Believe me, you should not get closer to your friend, someone will end up hurt and its only because of all the strong feelings happening everywhere.
You dont need to lose the friend but the closer you get now, the harder it could turn out later on.
time on your own would be good to clear the head either way, ie if you still want you ex or not you need to have your time alone and see things clearly, I know this is possibly the hardest thing to do right now, however its the best way to avoid hurting yourself and all other parties involved.

I know this is possibly not what you want to hear... but this is what i wish I ve done
Best of luck

Jinxi

End everything with your mate until you figure it out. it will only end badly with your mate as his feelings are prob genuine and your on the rebound

Moomoo1

rebounds can work if there was something there all along between the people (which there is here). The problem here is the ex who the OP clearly loves more than the friend: she will always end up comparing her feelings towards the two and the ex will keep coming up favourably. And that would be hell for her.

I think the best thing, unfortunately, is to take time out from both guys and see what happens.

Oh The Humanity

When in doubt, move away from them both!

You've got them both smothering you so you need to get some space and distance to think straight.

Some fellas will use that tactic of acting all couply when nothing has been discussed to confuse you into being with them. It seem easier to go along with it and you might keep saying to yourself 'I will deal with it later' etc

By then they will be all indignant saying you led them on etc so be careful there.

Ask both of them to give you some space. Go out with your other friends.

I know it is very stressful when you have got them pushing you but do not make any rash decisions due to them pressuring you.

Trixielicious

Completely agree with Oh The Humanity!

Leave both of them well enough alone. You need time alone to sort your head out. If you care for your mate then explain to him that you need space and you don't want to hurt him or string him along. He'll appreciate that more than being a rebound.

LegacyUser

I've been the "friend" in this situation, believe me when i say that you should step back, i ended up hurt badly, still getting over it actually!!
So if ya really care about your mate, leave it off until your back to normal regarding your ex...if ya wanna try for something with him then, for sure, if not at least ya haven't hurt him too much,
false hope can be easily given out in a situation like this even unintentionally and take it from me it can lead to serious agro down the line!