Not in love

LegacyUser

Hi,
First time posting in this forum. I was wondering if anyone has been in a similar situation. I've been going out with someone for 2 years now. It started as friends and they wanted more and then slowly but surely a relationship has developed. Over the last year I have started to regret this relationship and want out.
Now the other person is still into it and hasn't hinted at all that there might be a problem. They are great and we get on well and I like them but just not enough. I don't get excited when they call and after a couple of days I just want to be on my own. There is noone else it's just that I dont want to be with them.
So in short,
1. how do you break up with someone who obviously doesn't want to? I keep ckickening out and don't want to do it on the phone. Also would like to do it and remain friends

2. Has anyone been in a similar situation. With someone who they didn't love?

Virgil°

1. You tell them you want to break up and stick to your guns. Expect them to put up a bit of resistance, but still hold strong. In the long run you're doing the best thing for them(allowing them to be with someone who will love them).
Try not to feel guilty about it either. It might feel like stomping on a puppy but its not a crime to not want to be in a relationship. What isnt fair is sticking in a relationship you dont want to be in, as he/she will undoubtedly pick up on your behaviour in the relationship and wonder what they are doing wrong, when the problem lies entirely with you.

DO NOT OFFER FRIENDSHIP.I can't overstate this enough. Alot of people use this line as a means to lessen the blow, but in reality its probably the cruellest thing you can add as a footnote to a split and it only serves to lessen your own guilt. He/she will probably interpret that offer of friendship as a sliver of hope to get back into the relationship, and seeing as how you clearly wont be wanting this its only going to prolong the whole process of them getting over you.

2.Im not 100% but id say the majority of people who've been in a relationship have gone through this, so yeah you're not alone.

So in summary, stay strong, let them go and get along with their life and find someone who will truly love them.

LegacyUser

I'm in the same situation OP. Been with a nice guy for 3 years, lots in common, get on well but I just don't love him, not attracted to him anymore, want him to leave me alone all the time and find myself constantly getting annoyed with him over nothing. It's very difficult to work up the courage to tell him how I feel but I know it'll be best for both of us in the long run so it's just a matter of time. I'm not going to say anything about remaining friends or seeing how I feel in the future because I think it is unfair to leave someone dangling or give them false hope instead of letting them move on.

I feel guilty but I'm trying to remind myself it's not my fault, I never set out to hurt him but things have just worked out this way and I could never have predicted it at the start when I felt I was head-over-heels in love. Best of luck OP, I wish I could offer you more advice but at least know that you're not alone.

legend365

The longer you drag it out, the harder it will become.

LegacyUser

Hi OP. I am on the other side. My bf of 3 years broke up with me about 3 months ago. I know how hard this might be for you but likely is going to be even harder for your bf/gf. After some time I understand why he left but I will never forgive him cause of the way he did things so…I just would like to give you some advises on how to make things better than my ex and to make things easier for her/him:
1.Tell them immediately that things are not going well. The worst thing you can do is pretend that everything is fine and then leave all the sudden...I guess you are afraid of the other person’s reaction but he/she will appreciate with time if you are honest now.
2.Do NOT keep in touch, is going to be much harder to get over you. Delete them from FB, MSN, HI5…soon we will be living your life happily again and see photos of you with other people and having fun will not help them.
3.DO NOT contact them!!! In any case...no txt messages, no e-mails, no calls…they will keep hopping you change your mind…and you might only miss them (temporarily) or check on them (which is normal).
4.Tell them the true on how you feel and the reasons why you are leaving them, DON’T try to be nice or find stupid excuses…she/he will probably hate you for a while anyway, sorry but it is the true, nobody likes to be left just tell them how you feel…DO not tell her/him: you are an amazing woman/man, the problem is me…I love you but not that way...etc,etc,etc…to hear those things from the person you love hurts like hell.
5.BE SURE about your decision.
Sorry if I am so direct but I just hope I can help you to deal with this situation better. If you are honest you might be able to have her/him as a friend at some stage.