Sort of Step Mother looking for advice

LegacyUser

Hi

My partner and I are not actually married yet, but his child is in our care full-time. Has anyone else been in this position? I was just wondering does anyone have any advice they could give me such as are there any support groups available for someone like me - i.e. sometimes find it difficult, don't know my 'position' etc.

I know I am not being very clear about what exactly I am asking for, just general advice really i suppose. I am very very fond of the child and care about him a lot.

Nevyn

http://www.treoir.ie/pdfs/Family_Links08.pdf

Had a good chapter about step families and becoming a step parent.

There are a whole load of varibles, but I would suggest that you talk with your partner and ask about what type parenting he favours and get an understanding of what he expects your role to be and what is or will be acceptable to you both.

martdalto

It's hard to advise, because you give so little detail?

Your role, really depends on whether or not his mother is also involved. I know you say you have full-time care of him, but is she around and involved in his upbringing too?

As a step-parent, you're job is to support your partner in his role as parent. It is important that you do sit down and discuss what he thinks your role should be.

Does he want you to be involved in disciplining the child, or would he prefer to do it?
If he is not present and something happens, how would he like you to del with it?

If he is living with you (regardless of full time or part time), then you have a right to be respected in your own house, and therefore he should know general rules and consequences if he breaks the rules. He should also know that if he misbehaves with you that you are allowed discipline him, and the lines... "I'm telling my dad", or "You're not my mum" etc won't wash!

This is where you need dads co-operation, and backing and this is also where the rules become... "In this house we do/we don't... etc" That way it's not about who disciplines, it's about general house rules.

If he is going to be living with you forever, then you need to accept him, and embrace and encourage a relaxed relationship between the two of you.

The thing about children is they are smart! They can pick up on tiny things, so if you are trying to hard he will know. If you're not trying at all. he will know!

Try to relax around him, and just enjoy him being a child. If you're uneasy around him, you could arrange little trips to a playground or something that would help the two of you relax more around each other.

Good Luck, it's not easy taking on someone elses child... but it's not impossible either!

Moonbeam

Also you do not say if you are male or female and if there other parent is on the scene.
The situation can be a nightmare for all involved or can be tolerated.

eimsRV

There is a forum for step parents on rollercoaster which seems to be a good resource for talking with people in similar situations


http://www.rollercoaster.ie/boards/forum.asp?GroupID=42&forumdb=2


~HTH!!

meandhis

Unregistered wrote: »

Hi

My partner and I are not actually married yet, but his child is in our care full-time. Has anyone else been in this position? I was just wondering does anyone have any advice they could give me such as are there any support groups available for someone like me - i.e. sometimes find it difficult, don't know my 'position' etc.

I know I am not being very clear about what exactly I am asking for, just general advice really i suppose. I am very very fond of the child and care about him a lot.

Hiya. seen your email on chance. been trying to conact people like you.

LegacyUser

can you clarify a little bit more why looking to contact people like me?

thanks

bellybabe

i'd say it's the same reason you're looking to contact people like you

being a stepparent is tough, it's good to find people who understand and talk about your situation