How to deal with posessive girlfriend?

LegacyUser

So you can tell by the title of the thread what the story is, she causes a scene every time I go out which without her which is not that often and when I do she rings me a couple of times to see when im coming home and texts me in between.

It's as though she makes it so difficult for me to do anything without out her that at this stage if something does come up where I would go out without her I just think of all the hassle involved and decide it's not worth it and then there is the awkwardness when you get home and all the questions.

If I go to the shop for a pack of smokes i get the third degree about where Im going and its not just nights out its everything from sporting events i.e. GAA match to work related stuff i.e. xmas parties.

Im seriously thinking about packing my bags, any thoughts?

shellyboo

I think your instinct is right. Pack your bags, nobody can be expected to live like that.

RossFixxxed

Have you talked to her about it first?

LegacyUser

Yeah Ive tried talking lots of times. Ive tried doing it calmly and Ive tried doing it during arguements. As far as she thinks, she hasnt done anything wrong. Im coming to the end of my teather.

Sephiroth_dude

RossFixxxed wrote: »

Have you talked to her about it first?

That should be your first port of call,sit her down and talk to her,tell her what you just told us and if continues after that well then break up with her.

LegacyUser

Make an inventory of her texts/calls during a timeframe that you have been 'missing in action'. Present it to her e.g. 7 texts/5 calls during the duration of 3 hours. Ask her to explain herself and the benefits to her of this behaviour. Shame her. Threaten to turn off your phone if she doesn't decide to amend her ways.

LegacyUser

Talk to her..reassure her that you love her and that she has NOTHING to be possessive or worried about...be stern though ...and best of luck

RossFixxxed

Unregistered wrote: »

Yeah Ive tried talking lots of times. Ive tried doing it calmly and Ive tried doing it during arguements. As far as she thinks, she hasnt done anything wrong. Im coming to the end of my teather.

If she is unwilling to communicate with you or take your point of view into consideration then it's bad. If you tell her it bothers you, it upsets you etc and she fobs you off, then maybe it's time to go. There has to be some communication / trade off in any relationship!

LegacyUser

Girls like this give the rest of us a bad name!!! We are not all psycho stalkers. You need to sit down with her, tell her straight that her behaviour is out of order and ask her whether or not she trusts you. If she doesn't trust you at this stage then it's not worth the hassle. If she says she trusts you then ask her why is she acting like this. It may be possible that an ex of hers was very untrustworthy but if this is the case she has to accept that you are not him and that not every bloke was like him. She can't bring the baggage of her old relationship into this one.

Hope you get things sorted out!!!

VaioCruiser

Hi OP... Talking to her is a good idea. Definitely.

However I would be extremely doubtful if it will help, other than in the very short term. She sounds like she is jealous and controlling and it is very very unlikely she will ever change.

It will only get worse in the long term too.


All the best

legend365

Does she ever go out without you?

Taltos

Sephiroth_dude wrote: »

That should be your first port of call,sit her down and talk to her,tell her what you just told us and if continues after that well then break up with her.

+1
Reality check - this sounds more like stalking than a relationship. In certain countries she could be arrested for this harrassment.
Really liked the idea of presenting to her the facts of her calls/texts etc.

At the end of the day no-one needs their day-to-day lives disrupted by someone like this. Unless she can change and stay changed I would run.

But... how many women dump their partners after years after learning that the hairy troll they married is still a hairy troll - you can't change other people. Only you can change yourself and only if you really want to. Chances are slim that she does...

Jinxi

run away...
let her be someone elses problem. Girls like that are severely insecure and will alway be paranoid no matter how much reassurance you give her! They are the sort of women who think, if i get pregnant then he will never leave me!

Run AWAY

rallye

She is insecure and doesnt trust you!! Can you live with that? I couldnt..

Sadly sitting her down and having a chat about it will only be a short term fix and the problems will more than likely arise further down the line.

Bottle_of_Smoke

Right if you don't dump her and want to give it a go I'd recommend this as a`n option.

Make a joke of it. When she starts harassing you, use an uber calm voice and tell her what you were doing. Appear bemused that she's asking and don't bring it up again.

I use this approach from the start and I've never had to deal with a possessive woman.

Guys who do cheat get all defensive, panicky and angry, perhaps she's picking up on you honestly defending yourself and its got into a cycle between the two of ya even though you've done nothing wrong.

Dublin141

Have you ever cheated on her? Has anyone? Has she cheated? ('cos sometimes the people who are likely to do it are the ones most paranoid about it being done to them.)

If there is no logical reason for it then you should probably move on. It isn't a healthy way to live. If you've talked to her and she hasn't even tried to change then what's the point. The problem is her, there isn't much you can do to prove yourself to her short of locking yourself in a room and never going out. She has to deal with her own insecurities. Something about you is fuelling them - again not healthy.

Personally, I would try talking to her again and letting her know how close she is to pushing you away. Maybe it'll drive herself to acknowledge how bad she is.

LegacyUser

Unregistered wrote: »

at this stage if something does come up where I would go out without her I just think of all the hassle involved and decide it's not worth it

Thats what see wants !!

Move on !

LegacyUser

I was like her, I swear I was really unsecure about my ex going out. I was so afraid he ll get hooked with some prettier, nicer better girl than me.
we split up for many different reasons, I was very insecure at the time and ahd a lot of self esteem issues, he didnt help on this tho, he always told me I was ugly and never once told me he loved me (even after years togheter)
I dont know if this will help you much but I recon its easy to see when /why someone will turn that way.
Now I m in a new relationship where I m not afraid of any of this, so its not like she cant change, its just a question of does she feel confident in herself and both of you togheter


Good Luck!