new-ish boyfriend, distance??

LegacyUser

hi all:

well, very simple, I m going out with this dude, I really like him, however he's out of the country for the next following weeks.
Everything going really well from day one, and since hes out hes been in contact one way or another everyday, however. I find it really hard I dont understand how to deal with this.
We are going out about a month or so
Advice welcome

Ollchailin

I've a bit of experience in this because for the first 6 months I was with my boyfriend, we spent about half of it on and off in different countries to each other, travelling, studying abroad and visiting relatives etc. So basically we really didn't see each other much in those 6 months. It was hard, and I really missed him so so much, although we did stay in touch with calls, texts, emails, etc. It's actually worse being apart from someone when you've only just started seeing each other because things are so uncertain as they are, so adding distance into the equation makes it worse.

You just have to keep yourself busy- and actually it was kind of fun to be all excited about when we'd be meeting up after not seeing each other after a while. In the meantime, spoil yourself with pampering nights, nights out with the girls, new shoes, whatever makes you happy.

The worst part is trying to convince yourself that he's not going to forget about you just because you're not with him. I never had a trust issue because he has many faults but infidelity would never be one of them. I'm not sure if that's a problem for you though.

LegacyUser

I'm in the same boat but i just keep myself busy and we either talk or text everyday It is a bit scary as we seem to be getting closer then we would have if he was here (Well on my side anyway as i am guarded in person but very open on the phone) I am just looking forward to him coming home and seeing him. When is your BF home?

LegacyUser

hes just in italy, but for a few weeks and then back for good.
He doesnt call , he did text and hes sent emails everyday or was on chat, however I feel like we are not communicating at all
so as the days go I feel worse and worse. :S

The fact that his ex girlfriend is there doesn't help either

Madame Razz

OP Skype is your friend, a few video calls will make a world of difference.

It's only for a few weeks, chin up, you can do it;)

LegacyUser

op here ,
we were going to skype today and he texted saying he was busy,
and just moaning in general (too hot, too much work, etc)
Ok i get it, it s a bit of stress, but I also been working like mental and all that and i haven't mentioned any of this.
he didnt say anything nice except he finished the text with "kisses"
To be honest I m not impressed and i dont feel like saying anything, when? how? by email? imagine this:
hi:
I think we are not talking at all you moan all the time. Not good

It looks like I m just some egotistical person giving out, ie doing the same he is doing.
I ll have to wait and see I guess
I wish he would just even send an email saying something nice even something nice he found like song or a website

sorry for the rant, i m just kinda disappointed and sad and afraid things might just fall apart

shellyboo

Ok, you *cannot* make a big deal out of this. You've only been going out a month... if you act the clingy, possessive gf now, you're gonna drive him away. He's making the effort to be in touch every day, that's really good - it sounds like he's working as well and not on holidays, so what more can you ask for?!

You need to be more tolerant and give him a break. He's trying. Chill out, be a cool, calm, laid-back girlfriend and just bide your time until he gets back.

LegacyUser

hi sheliboo, I didn't actually sent an email complaining, I m just thinking.. thats all
I also haven't been clingy, as I didn't initiate most of the chats anyway. He sent the text first when he left and today, actually I was kinda thinking maybe i should send him a nice email, like hey I miss you!, or i dont know something like that, tho i don't know if i should do it or not.
Anyway
Thanks for the answers,

I have to add that in a previous relationship i was holding a candle for the guy and waiting for him to come trough and that didn't happen so I guess I m just trying to avoid a similar thing happening to me again as it was very painful

shellyboo

I didn't say you did... I'm saying, DON'T. You're just gonna have to play it cool. He's not done anything wrong, give him a break!

LegacyUser

ok so, a bit of an update, i haven't done much, i got a really nice email on friday and dead he did chat a bit but the usual complaining thing. I find this very boring, this cant be a relationship of any kind, he keeps contact, but it s meaningless.
I m very confused as to what to do with this, on the one side I though we were on the right tracks but now I m thinking a lot and I see less and less sense in the whole thing.

I dont know what I m expecting but I m just not feeling it at all.

Monkey61

Op you have only been going out with him for a month. He is very busy, at work, in a foreign country. He is doing his best. To be honest, it is so soon and at such a precarious time of the relationship, perhaps you should just have let him go and said you would resume when he got back. He has not become such an important feature in your life yet surely, that you need constant contact and reassurance.

Of course it isn't going to be exciting and whatnot trying to develop a new relationship via text and emails if you are going to be so intense about it. Some people aren't great with emails or texts etc and operate much better in person. Perhaps your boyfriend is like that. It would be terribly unfair to break up with him whilst he is away because his emails aren't up to scratch.

But it is only for a few weeks. That is nothing when you have your own life and your own stuff going on. Keep busy, improve yourself, enjoy yourself and all that.