Sibling issues

mclimi

about my brother. I'm 22 years old and he will be 17 in August. He has many problems and my family is finding it increasingly difficult to deal with him. We feel that we have been very patient and there is a complete lack of respect. Christopher is very angry and gets into a lot of trouble in our area, this is not helped by the fact that he lies compulsively. This anger is not refined to outside our home, recently, I've noticed his anger getting more physical and provoking towards my parents. He has had many problems in the past, he was diagnosed with otitis media (glue ear) when he was 18 months old which has led to difficulty in particular with his speech and especially understanding, he was bullied by his teacher in primary school for roughly 4 years, he has had a tough time in secondary school also and he attempted to commit suicide last year. My parents firmly believe in honesty and in discussing our problems. We think that Christopher suffers from low self-esteem but refuses to take advice or even listen to sound advice. Not only are we worried for his safety but also our own. He has threatened us and other people. He has rebelled in almost every way possible, he refuses to eat healthily (ever since he was a small child), he refuses to wash, he steal from my parents and others, he lies and the list goes on. He has seen many psychologists and doctors before and they've been unable to do anything really, he has fooled them even by lying.
If you have any suggestions, please share.

Fiend-Foe

mclimi wrote: »

about my brother. I'm 22 years old and he will be 17 in August. He has many problems and my family is finding it increasingly difficult to deal with him. We feel that we have been very patient and there is a complete lack of respect. Christopher is very angry and gets into a lot of trouble in our area, this is not helped by the fact that he lies compulsively. This anger is not refined to outside our home, recently, I've noticed his anger getting more physical and provoking towards my parents. He has had many problems in the past, he was diagnosed with otitis media (glue ear) when he was 18 months old which has led to difficulty in particular with his speech and especially understanding, he was bullied by his teacher in primary school for roughly 4 years, he has had a tough time in secondary school also and he attempted to commit suicide last year. My parents firmly believe in honesty and in discussing our problems. We think that Christopher suffers from low self-esteem but refuses to take advice or even listen to sound advice. Not only are we worried for his safety but also our own. He has threatened us and other people. He has rebelled in almost every way possible, he refuses to eat healthily (ever since he was a small child), he refuses to wash, he steal from my parents and others, he lies and the list goes on. He has seen many psychologists and doctors before and they've been unable to do anything really, he has fooled them even by lying.
If you have any suggestions, please share.

I have no immediate short-term solution. But hopefully in a year or two when he gets out of secondary school things will change drastically. I know lots of people, and to an extent myself included but I was not bad as your brother who had a very difficult time in school. It just doesn't suit some people, wears them down totally. The whole day in school can feel like a continuous attack, from teachers and other students. This causes people to lash out. Maybe things will change for him once he gets out of that environment. Best of luck.

LegacyUser

thats what we thought ourselves! but he's finished school since june and he's gettin worse really!

Fiend-Foe

Unregistered wrote: »

thats what we thought ourselves! but he's finished school since june and he's gettin worse really!

Well then the only other thing that helped me improve my relationship with my family was moving out. I had quite a strained relationship with my mother growing up and I left the family home at 17 and immediately things improved. It will give him some cop on being independant and having to fend for himself, also the dynamics of his relationship with your parents will change for the better. Although if you are worried about him harming himself that could be an issue. Does he have any plans to go to college or anything?

Would your parents put the foot down and tell him that he is old enough to live alone and if he doesn't start treating his family with respect and pulling his weight he will have to leave the family home?

Because he is an adult, your family doesn't have to put up with that sh1t in their own home. You can go to the family court and get a safety order which will prevent him from acting in a threatening manner in the home, if he breaks this order he will be automatically be arrested. Having this in paper may wake him up and make him realise the effect he is having on the family.

http://www.citizensinformation.ie/categories/birth-family-relationships/problems-in-marriages-and-relationships/barring_safety_and_protection_orders

LegacyUser

i think they'd be afraid to let him go cos at least they know where he is half the time he's here and who he's with! he's got in trouble with the wrong kinda people and he's so rowdy. He's very immature to be independent. thats the funny thing, we were always a very close family and he has kinda ripped it apart slowly! Maybe its for attention. Even since he attempted suicide, it hasn't been an issue like there have been no furtherself harming incidents. He's not afraid of the any form of law, he's been in trouble with the guads multiple times because of fights and rows in our area and he seems destined to be involved in some kind of gang violence because he can't defend himself, he finds a gang to do his dirty work for him. There was a serious incident in school which he was cleared of involvement in but yet the compulsive lying and the people who were involved all seemed to point to him. We've tried to explain to him that there are consequences to your actions but he doesn't seem to care. He has no fear or respect but yet is fantastic at making people think that he does. It took years for my parents to realise that he just works people so good where he had no reason to try and mask it with me.

He is planning to go to college but he barely went to his exams and school the whole year. He could get an apprenticeship which I think would be really good for him to learn some responsibility cos he's never had any real responsibilty. But the competition is so great for it his results may not carry him through. He also tends to blame everythin on someone else. he said he acts the way he does beause I'm not at home all the time yet when I am, he's not either.

Do you think that 17 is very young to be living independently? especially how he is with food, drink, smoking... nevermind the kind of people he hangs around with. I know I have a few friends with issues of their own but i know when to not get involved where he would jump in head first.

If you don't mind me askin what did you do when you left school; college, work etc? and Had you a good sense of right/wrong and friends ya could rely on? It seems to me that my brother doesn't have these things.

Fiend-Foe

I left after I finished school and got a house share with some older people I found on daft, I worked for a year and then went to college down the country. I had mates who I could rely on, but I didn't really have to. As with drinking, smoking, and eating properly, all that stuff falls into place eventually. I was drinking like a fish and taking drugs, eating crap etc when I moved out, after a while you have to grow out of all that sh1te.