Anyone got any suggestion?

mclimi

about my brother. I'm 22 years old and he will be 17 in August. He has many problems and my family is finding it increasingly difficult to deal with him. We feel that we have been very patient and there is a complete lack of respect. Christopher is very angry and gets into a lot of trouble in our area, this is not helped by the fact that he lies compulsively. This anger is not refined to outside our home, recently, I've noticed his anger getting more physical and provoking towards my parents. He has had many problems in the past, he was diagnosed with otitis media (glue ear) when he was 18 months old which has led to difficulty in particular with his speech and especially understanding, he was bullied by his teacher in primary school for roughly 4 years, he has had a tough time in secondary school also and he attempted to commit suicide last year. My parents firmly believe in honesty and in discussing our problems. We think that Christopher suffers from low self-esteem but refuses to take advice or even listen to sound advice. Not only are we worried for his safety but also our own. He has threatened us and other people. He has rebelled in almost every way possible, he refuses to eat healthily (ever since he was a small child), he refuses to wash, he steal from my parents and others, he lies and the list goes on. He has seen many psychologists and doctors before and they've been unable to do anything really, he has fooled them even by lying.
If you have any suggestions, please share.

jenortega

Firstly - I think it's clear that you are honestly trying to help your brother, which is great. It really seems that he is struggling and his behaviour seems to be affecting you and your family.

I would start by helping yourself first, as you clearly care so much about him, this seems to be hurting you a lot - for this I would try the work of Byron Katie. It's just a recommendation, as it's a lot on your own plate.

Secondly, I know he is 17 and not a young child, but I would try simple behavioural techniques on him for 2-4 days, and see if this helps at all, which may seem silly, corny and embarassing for you at first, and perhaps you have already tried.

SERIOUS AMOUNTS OF ENTHUSIASM for ANYTHING he does right.

He eats something good - "It's GREAT to see you eating so well, nice work."

He speaks to you nicely - you can be sincere, and even over the top, patting his shoulder, "thanks for speaking to be nicely, I appreciate it,"

Now, for anything you think he is 'trying' to do for your love and attention,
like throwing something, hitting, TRY NOT TO REACT - he WANTS you to put on a show. He wants you to get angry, scream, react in any way - this one takes longer to see a response - but you are definitely feeding any attempts for you're attention by getting angry. Your reactions are what is key here - you are disinterested and bored, even say how bored you are by his behaviour. He has no power to make you react, only his good behaviour makes you move quickly and be interested in him.


The most important thing I would say would be to connect with him on a level of sharing any activity you can possibly think of. Look for HIS motivation, what does he talk a lot about, it could be anything, what does HE like doing, join in what HE likes doing first. This is where you can really begin connecting.

It's hard for you and requires your own sainthood, but being a strong force of loving kindness will help your brother.

Sorry if this has been useless for you!


Jenortega. x

Trixielicious

It may be possible that he is suffering from ADD or ADHD (attention deficit disorder or attention deficit hyperactivity disorder) or possible dyslexia. I know not everybody who suffers from this acts in the same way as he does but he reminds me alot of a neighbour of mine who was then diagnosed with the above.

One of the things recommended is find something that really sparks an interest with him for example cars. If he likes them and likes tinkering with engines then see if maybe you can get him a couple of hours helping out with a local mechanic. That kind of thing might help!

Overheal

I have to agree with hobbies and interests. Whatever he likes best, thats where he could do with focusing his energies.

Booswig

Yipp, sounds about correct. Let him see what interest him, and help him to join a club(s) where there are likeminded people with similar interests.