Sick with fear

Phoenix_Rising

Been on holidays for the last two weeks and back at work tomorrow. For most of the holiday i dreaded getting a call from work saying that something had gone wrong with my work or clients etc etc, which didnt happen - sick with worry about going into the office tomorrow though, really sick.

Bit of background - i lost my job in January 2008. Managed to get another job but a large part of the new job in doing something that i have no training in and no interest in. I find that i fret and worry all the time about making mistakes, and i have made plenty of mistakes already.

Part of me is terrified of being fired and part of me cant see how much longer i can keep living like this, doing a job that i hate and fretting and worrying all the time about work.

I know that it affects me in that i find it hard to let work behind in the evenings, it affects my mood with my partner. It affects my health etc, but there are no other jobs in my area at the moment.

Basically, my question is has anyone else experienced this and if so what have they done to cope with the stress etc.

When i drank i would drink excessively to deal with stress, but that is not an option for me anymore. I am aware that i am so lucky to have been given a second chance at life without drink ( nearly two years, one day at a time) and i have a lovely home and a great partner and i try to be grateful for all that, but work just takes up so much of my energy and time i dont know what to do.

Any advice appreciated...

LegacyUser

Firstly, I would need to get myself calm now, for today. Remember that you do not have to deal with anything today, but only deal with life one day at a time. You will not be fired today. You will go to bed tonight without having to deal with anything. Breathe deeply, you're in a safe place.

Secondly, you may feel you have made lots of mistakes, you may have even been told that you have. But remember, you suffer from stress. You, like me, have a brain that triggers the stress response much quicker than others. It is only your opinion that you're so bad you're going to be fired, and an opinion is not a fact. You don't know. Right now, at this exact second you don't know that you will be fired. You don't know anything, and it isn't your decision anyway. This situation is out of your control, and you worrying over it does no good whatsoever. If you stay up until five am tonight you will no change at all, not a jot.

So stop. Deal with the situation you have right now. You could get your clothes ready for work, polish your shoes, whatever. Spend an unstressed hour with the partner, focusing on what is going on in his life. Make popcorn. Do your nails. Go to bed early and give yourself a hot chocolate to sooth you as you go. Even if you aren't the best employee in the world you are trying, earnestly, to do a good job. You're trying so hard you're worried sick, and there aren't that many employees that go that far.

You are a good person. When tomorrow comes, deal with the concrete reality as it is presented to you, not with what you think is happening. Listen to others, don't decide what they are saying before they say it. And remember, no matter what happens, the fact that you are not drinking means you are a hero and living a victorious life no matter what. Keep it simple. Good luck.

VaioCruiser

Hi OP... I have experienced this a few times and I know how debilitating and terrifying it is.

There is no easy answer.

The only strategy I can suggest to you - once that has worked for me most of the time - is to step right back from the situation .... Look at the global situation and see life for what it is really is.

Firstly you work to live - you don't live to work. You are not your work and you only do this job to pay the bills and get home and enjoy life.
Secondly, you have to accept the fact that YES, you may well get fired or the job may disappear. What then ? will the world come to an end ? will you lose your house ? Will your partner abandon you ?

If the answers are no to all of these - then .... so be it. Accept it. If it happens you will just start again ... and again... and again. Nothing can take your partner away form you or your house (I hope).

ALL you can do is your best.

Remember also that your employer gave you the job because they believe you are good enough to do the job. So give yourself some slack !!! just go into work and do your best ! If you have a problem ASK and get help. Don't hide problems. Everyone has problems in work ... the ones that usually lose their way are those who don't get help and just suffer in silence, leaving a mess for others to clear up. So ask for advice from those with more experience.

And remembr. Stop worrying ! If it happens then F*ck it ... it happens. :rolleyes:

All the best

LegacyUser

There is a good article in the Sunday Indo today, some bird leaving her job cos she hates it...just do it I'd say, life is too short to be unhappy, work is a big part of your life.

LegacyUser

Yes, this is happening to me too.
Firstly I presume that the people employing you know that you are not trained in a certain part of your job. So they probably cut you some slack. More than you know. Mistakes are a learning process.As long as you learn from your mistakes and move on, then you're becoming better at your job and so, better for the company (this was said to me last week by my director, when I told him I was worried about some mistakes I had made).As for the fretting and worrying - to be honset, it just means thatyou care and you want to do the best you can. Believe me , I know better than anyone how awful it feels, and how hard it is to keep positive about your job, when all you can think is " where will I mess up next?2 and "I'm so crap at this, I can neverdo anything right."but you've got to believe that you can do the job, that you do care, and that the people in charge do want you there.
Dealing with the stress is a different thing. Try not to talk about work in the evening. That way you're not obsessing over what's happened. Try to wind down' - watch TV, read a book. Have a conversation with your partner and make it your business to talk about anything EXCEPT work. And finally - take up a hobby.Play an instrument, join a sports club...do something that involves you not sitting at home and thinking about work all evening, that forces you to go out after work and do something different. (I'm assuming you don't do anything here, btw. Scuse my ignorance if you are).
Best of luck. I've been experiencing the same feelings for a good year now, and I've reached the stage where I'm sick of torturing myself over work. I want my life back. Since I can't change jobs (there are none in my field either right now), I'm doing my best to not let it affect my life as much. Some days are better than others, but overall, it's working okay. I'll always have a certain level of worry - it's just the way I am - but I am not letting it take over my life. I'm sick of that.

LegacyUser

i understand exactly how you feel. i am miserable in work lately, just feel it's all consuming - i spend most evenings and weekends worrying about it. I've a busy workload but so does everyone in the company. I like the type of work i do a lot of the time but i'm paranoid about messing up and worry myself sick over it. A couple of things happened in the past few weeks, mainly my boss looking for stuff i hadn't finished or gotten round to starting yet cos i'd so much on i was jumping from one thing to another but not finishing any one thing properly. So I constantly feel i'm disappointing them and that they want to fire me. I know I have messed up several times, and the thoughts of going in especially on Monday's freaks me out. I'd stay up really late on Sundays, almost in my head it felt like it was putting the dreaded Monday off - even though i just end up knackered tired on a Monday and it doesn't change the day apart from making me feel crap.

Anyway, it came to a head a couple of weeks ago and I made an appointment to speak to my boss and told her everything - well, as in a list of all the jobs I had to do now and over the next while and how i'm very stressed with being put under so much pressure to have everything done "now" and various other issues i had with people in work etc. Basically we never have reviews (even though meant to have a few a year) and because of the way she talks to me at times (tendancy to fly of the handle) i said i didn't know where i stood. I had 100% convinced myself they were trying to get rid of me or at least thinking of it. I did say i like my job and want to be happy and work to my best ability but that the stress was meaning i couldn't.

Well it was a good thing to have that chat as my mind was put at ease big time, my boss said there was absolutely nothing to worry about, they are very happy with me, and by talking to them about what i was worried about showed I cared about the job and the company. She also said "at the end of the day nothing work related should be worth losing sleep over"! So the reason i'm saying all this is I know that horrible feeling (including on holidays - i'm just back from one) where you can't stop worrying about work and are paranoid that you're not up to scratch, do your best to put that out of your head as it's probably not true. If you can, talk to someone in work about how you're feeling and as per other posters here, try and find other things to occupy your evenings and avoid talking about office life. I'm actually researching night courses/sports at the moment as I really want to get to the point where my job is just a job, and doesn't dominate my life.

That article in the Sunday Indo by the way was pretty inspiring!

mikemac

You're not alone OP.
I pretty much agree with everything in the post above ^^^

And I did make a mistake on Friday, management got involved and I feel so stressed I nearly handed in my notice.
But took a walk instead.
No doubt I'll get a bollocking tomorrow but so be it.

Workplaces all over the country are shedding staff and then expect the remaining staff struggling under pressure staff to work miracles.


Oh you're lucky to have a job though.......:rolleyes:
That phrase is used far too often on boards!
No job is worth your health OP.
But don't quit on the spur of the moment.
If you're realy struggling ask to do something else for a few days or better still some sort of refresher course.
Even if that's not possible at least your boss sees you're being proactive and not struggling with issues you're not capable of dealing with

Good luck

LegacyUser

Unregistered wrote: »

i understand exactly how you feel. i am miserable in work lately, just feel it's all consuming - i spend most evenings and weekends worrying about it. I've a busy workload but so does everyone in the company. I like the type of work i do a lot of the time but i'm paranoid about messing up and worry myself sick over it. A couple of things happened in the past few weeks, mainly my boss looking for stuff i hadn't finished or gotten round to starting yet cos i'd so much on i was jumping from one thing to another but not finishing any one thing properly. So I constantly feel i'm disappointing them and that they want to fire me. I know I have messed up several times, and the thoughts of going in especially on Monday's freaks me out. I'd stay up really late on Sundays, almost in my head it felt like it was putting the dreaded Monday off - even though i just end up knackered tired on a Monday and it doesn't change the day apart from making me feel crap.

I had exactly that feeling in my last job (which is why I left it). I never got to sleep before 2 or 3 o clock on a Sunday night and was too worried to go out and enjoy myself at weekends. I didn't go to my boss about it as others in the company had a busy workload too and they weren't complaining so I felt like I shouldn't be.
That article in the Indo yesterday reminded me of my situation too.

Phoenix_Rising

Well, arrived in and all seems fine in the office, no immediate danger of firing!

It just serves to remind me though that i get far too bent out of shape with stress about work and that i need to address it.

I have applied for an evening course in a completely different area. Dont know if i will be accepted and even if i am it will take 4 years to qualify, but it is something i have been thinking about and it feels like a step in the right direction.

In the short term i am going to have to try to implement the advice given by the above posters to try and learn to deal with stress.

VaioCruiser

Best of luck !!! excellent news :-)

LegacyUser

Phoenix_Rising wrote: »

I have applied for an evening course in a completely different area. Dont know if i will be accepted and even if i am it will take 4 years to qualify, but it is something i have been thinking about and it feels like a step in the right direction

Good move, it will take your mind off all the problems in work and give you an outlet, something to look forward to. It might lead to a job before you finish the degree, you never know.

Maria3

i wish you luck i hope it takesyour mind off.

Eve_Dublin

This is awful....no job is worth your health as other posters said. Don't out yourself under this kind of stress. Look after yourself OP. Your health is your wealth not your 9-5.

LegacyUser

That sounds terrible OP - I suffer some of the same problems myself,even though I'm in a secure job which is normally fairly 9 to 5.My brain seems to need to go through all the ways I can mess things up,and at times I feel physically sick (shortness of breath,stomach cramps).Unfortunately,it seems to be a difficult habit to break out of.Just remember it is only a job,and keep up your evening course and other interests - that'll help give you some perspective.Hope it all goes well for you.

LegacyUser

I used to be like that.

I headed off on a two week holiday and returning to work after it, I was wracked with worry. Nothing happened when I was away.

The best thing to do is cover your bases. Organise yourself on a daily basis. What have I to do today? By doing this, I will gain confidence.

Write down your worries and see how valid they are. Getting them down on paper rather than spinning wildly around your head is a great way to calm yourself.

Also, do remember to exercise.

I often wake up with a sense of anxiety. I head for a walk by the beach and by the time I come back, the anxiety is gone and I have my head clear and a plan for the day.

I quit that job I had and headed travelling, ended up in other jobs thinking the same way.... now I work for myself and I don't have to worry aboout a boss giving out to me or losing the company money.... it's all down to me now.

That said, I am looking into getting a trade at the moment... a job that I can do and then go home at the end of the day with tasks completed and forget about it til the next day.

tbh

Phoenix_Rising wrote: »

Well, arrived in and all seems fine in the office, no immediate danger of firing!

It just serves to remind me though that i get far too bent out of shape with stress about work and that i need to address it.

I have applied for an evening course in a completely different area. Dont know if i will be accepted and even if i am it will take 4 years to qualify, but it is something i have been thinking about and it feels like a step in the right direction.

In the short term i am going to have to try to implement the advice given by the above posters to try and learn to deal with stress.

you're an inspiration, do you know that? you're amazing. I've followed your story and even tho I don't know you, I'm rooting for you and I'm really very proud of you.