Ryanair to impose new €1 surcharge for Oxygen intake

COCKCUSTARD

'Low-cost' carrier Ryanair is to impose a €1 per litre of air surcharge on all customers.

Fat people, skinny people, normal people, ugly people and silly people will all be charged the same for the oxygen intake.

And anyone who cannot or who refuses to breathe will face being put off the plane unless they stump up the additional fee.

Ryanair operates a strict policy where passengers can only breathe in 30 litres of oxygen for every hour of the flight. This of course does not include the time on the ground, the plane has to be in flight. A mask is given to each passenger and a oxy-meter reads your intake.

Its Website advises passengers that asthmatics, old people and greedy air gulping obese people might not be let on board if they don't pay a deposit before flying".

However, a boarding card obtained by Irish Whispers News shows the restriction has been extended to include large animals and Americans.

The boarding card says: "Strictly 30 litres of air per passenger per hour"

Consumer watchdogs last night slammed the airline's "mercenary" charge.

The Consumers' Association of Ireland said only the ticket was low-cost, with Ryanair "mercenary" about extracting money from customers.

"This is calculated to really extract the most money from the customers," said Consumer Association of Ireland Chief Executive Dermott Jewel, after taking a really deep breath.

"The process is clearly profit-making. Hungry bastards. Customers of Ryanair need to realize that apart from flying, everything else attracts a premium.

"It's extremely bad news for asthmatics and old people. We have a global crisis and this is another kick in the balls for the less fortunate. Most people need to breathe and this doesn't take into account panic attacks or whooping coughs. It really is a particularly mercenary charge from the Ryanair *****."

Ryanair said there was 'no exceptions' to the rule, and that it came about after a "growing number of passengers" attempted to breathe in more oxygen than others.

In one case, it claimed, a passenger attempted to stick his head into the cockpit and suck out all the oxygen from the cabin inside, rendering the pilots unconscious and leaving the plane pilotless for 3.67 seconds.

"Passengers can half this charge by opting to pop a box of sleeping tablets before take off, reducing their oxygen intake"

Passengers who refused to make the additional payments would be spat upon and hissed at by staff and then escorted off the plane by a giant man-ape, they added.



By Colm Williamson

chillywilly

boo-urns

Im confused

_SONIC_

thats not really surprising!!!! lol

FruitLover

Excellent, those stupid asthmatics have been getting away with special treatment for far too long.

"Wah, wah, I'll die if I don't breathe!" :rolleyes:
Shut up.