Anyone Else Like Chocolate?

Hola_Bola

Whenever I get a package of plain M&Ms, I make it my duty to continue the strength and robustness of the candy as a species. To this end, I hold M&M duels.

Taking two candies between my thumb and forefinger, I apply pressure, squeezing them together until one of them cracks and splinters. That is the "loser", and I eat the inferior one immediately. The winner gets to go another round.

I have found that, in general, the brown and red M&Ms are tougher, and the newer blue ones are genetically inferior. I have hypothesized that the blue M&Ms as a race cannot survive long in the intense theater of competition that is the modern sweets and snack-food world.

Occasionally I will get a mutation, a candy that is misshapen, or pointier or flatter than the rest. Almost invariably this proves to be a weakness, but on very rare occasions it gives the candy extra strength. In this way, the species continues to adapt to its environment.

When I reach the end of the pack, I am left with one M&M, the strongest of the herd. Since it would make no sense to eat this one as well, I pack it neatly in an envelope and send it to Mars, Sandyford Industrial Park, Dublin 18, IRELAND, along with a 3x5 card reading, "Please use this M&M for breeding purposes."

Sometimes when no one is home I enjoy separating M&M's into colour groups and pretending they're little villages of people with their own economic and social problems, and then I try to fix them through free trade agreements and other diplomatic measures.

This week Mars wrote back to thank me, and sent me a coupon for a free 1/2 pound bag of plain M&Ms. I consider this "grant money". I have set aside a weekend for a grand tournament. From a field of hundreds, we will discover the True Champion.

There can only be one.

wudangclan

that's a big load of hola-bola

senordingdong

That's science that is.

Biggins

Hola_Bola - you need to get out more. LOL

(I'm just pissed off 'cos its so damn hard to get ready salted crisps on their own without having to buy a Tayto multi-pack)

RonMexico

Dear OP,

Thank you for bringing this important issue to light. I too am a chronic chocoholic and for years suffered in silence. Thanks to your brave crusade against the blanket of silence I feel that I too can now step into the light and once more show my chocolate smeared face in public.

Yours etc,

Ron

PS: TL;DR

b0bsquish

your research needs more graph before we can consider it.

Adamcp898

senordingdong wrote: »

That's science that is.

And did you know the dye in the blue ones may help reduce spinla injuries

http://www.cnn.com/2009/HEALTH/07/28/spinal.injury.blue.dye/

pikachucheeks

Kinder Buenoooo.

Jesus Wept

That was pretty funny, when I first read it circa 10 years ago.

cruiser178

Maybe if you tried cross breeding them with minstrels ,you'd have a superior race of candy candys

phasers

Old copypasta is old

Wertz

The-Rigger wrote: »

That was pretty funny, when I first read it circa 10 years ago.

ahahaahahaa pwnt

MizzLolly

You inspired me OP.


I just tried the same with mini smarties. They really do crumble! yay

Tar.Aldarion

I have done similar but not to such extent as to find the one, I commend you sir and your eugenically based M&M experiments

abouttobebanned

I'd like to see all those thanks for the OP withdrawn.

Tar.Aldarion

abouttobebanned wrote: »

I'd like to see all those thanks for the OP withdrawn.

Never, was a pleasure to read!

crazy angel

peanut m&m's ftw

Four-Percent

OP, consider your thanks privileges revoked!

You sneaky snorkel

Jenroche

Adds a whole new meaning to playing with your food. Love it!

Jen ;->

Biggins

Why copy and paste from the web elsewhere, something this old about sweets?
Can't think anything original OP?

cherryghost

Biggins wrote: »

Why copy and paste from the web elsewhere, something this old about sweets?
Can't think anything original OP?

indeed

http://www.theaxalon.com/?p=70

http://help.com/post/124208-whenever-i-get-a-package-of-plain-m

I lika do the cha cha