Doesn't know if i'm in future

LegacyUser

My boyfriend of 6 years & I were having a petty fight, and i asked him in the heat of the moment if he sees me in his future. His response - "who knows what the future will bring".
I'm so upset by this comment and after pushing him a bit he eventually said yes i do see you in my future.
I can't stop thinking about it though, and maybe he really doesn't think we have a future together.
Any thoughts?

Skapoot

It was an argument, people say stupid things, he was trying to hurt you, (you said it was heat of the moment!) and he then turned around and said he does see you in his future so i think you should let it go. He said something stupid and he didn't mean it.:)


Second of all, you don't know what will happen in the future, so him saying/not saying anything really wont make a difference. Dont worry about it so much! Ye may well be together for a long time, he doesnt have to say it for it to happen.

Dravokivich

Guys always anwser serious questions with stupid remarks in an arguement...

He may not of meant anything by it.

cool off a bit... give him some room and ask about it in a lighter athmosphere...

- Drav!

Terodil

Your question wasn't a simple question, it was putting him on the hot seat. Not the best of ideas, tbh. You initiated the doubts/questions about your future together, and he responded in kind, probably slightly hurt/in the heat of the moment, too.

You two need to make up and get your act together. It's gone way beyond proportion and you both know it.

wolfric

I think in situations of arguments, you should avoid tactics like that or other such questions as "do you love me?"

Example: "Please can we go to x instead for a holiday??"
"No we've got y planned for ages etc"
"Do you love me?"
FAIL
If everyone asked you those kind of inviting questions that try to say well if you love me or if you see us being together then you'll let me win. Most people will either fold or try to get around that. Or if they're just tired they might snap and say no.

Also you could consider that he was messing with you in a more charming way as if hinting that you could indeed be in it rather then you could not be.

And finally "who knows what the future may bring" is a very natural common phrase. It may have just been a natural response as if reciting a poem or a phrase.

Then i guess you DO have to realize that if he wanted to tell you that he had changed his mind and didn't see himself with you in the future that he would have chosen a better way to tell you?

Novella

Unregistered wrote: »

My boyfriend of 6 years & I were having a petty fight, and i asked him in the heat of the moment if he sees me in his future. His response - "who knows what the future will bring".
I'm so upset by this comment and after pushing him a bit he eventually said yes i do see you in my future.
I can't stop thinking about it though, and maybe he really doesn't think we have a future together.
Any thoughts?

He wouldn't be with you for 6 years if he thought it was going absolutely nowhere.

You two were having a fight and he was just trying to hit a nerve. Don't stress about it.

pookie82

I'm not being flippant but this is a classic case of guy/girl differences. For a start, he probably didn't even mean it, and secondly, even if he did, it's not the big deal that it seems to be to you.

I'm with my OH almost three years. Do I see him in my future? I hope so, but I have to say, like your BF, who knows?? People change all the time, relationships change, life paths change, plans and feelings and lives change.

Here's a rough translation of what I think happened:

Girl: [LOADED question] "Do you see me in your future?"
Boy: [Pretty pissed off in an argument, says first honest thing that comes into his head] "I'm not sure" - fairly reasonable answer from someone who's really angry with you in that moment and is venting
Girl: "Oh my god he wants to break up I can't believe I've invested six years in this guy for nothing"
Guy: *has forgotten he even said it and is perfectly happy to carry on as is*.

Again, I'm not trying to be flippant. But I really do think attitudes to this kind of thing are a classic example of the differences between men and women.

Calm down and stop obsessing until/if he tells you outright he is having serious doubts.

LegacyUser

Yes as the poster above said it was probably because u put him in the hot seat. I'm terible for answering questions such as that very logically, i find it very hard during an argument to say anything nice like "of course i see u in my future" because im p***** off at my GF. For example recently myself and my OH had an argment which was caused by something beyond my control, and she asked me never to let that happen again, and instead of just promising i wudnt and ending the argument i was like "how can I say it will never happen again it's out of my control!", which of course didnt go down well.

LegacyUser

ok gotta say. His answer is quite literal truth. I mean who the f**k knows - we could all be dead from swine flu.....or son of swine flu. Or a billion other things could happen
I would probably give a similar answer I must say. But I would be giving that answer as I would see it as a truthful one. it wouldn't necessarily bear any meaning on the relationship.
(Thou if I said that there would be an unspoken subtext of - you never know what might happen so lets make the best of now)