Ex who just won't leave me alone

kildarelad

Hi everybody need a bit of help and advice.Basically my girlfriend who i was with for nine months finished it with me on the night of my birthday. Since then i havent spoken to her and tried to avoid her cos i was really hurt.Ive known her for years went out with her previously two years ago and we go way back. When i was with her i was by no means bad to her bought her everything did everything for her and brought her everywhere. But she was out of a long term relationship and said that she needed time to herself now which is fair enough. However basically since we finished up she still hangs around with my group of friends because my brother goes out with her best friend but she keeps coming on to all my close friends.She keeps hanging around the places i usually hang out on weeknights and puts bitchy stuff up directed at me on bebo.She has tried it on with my friends in the local nightclub and this hurts me. I dont be there cos i cant watch someone who i still have feelings for trying to get it on with my mates.I have stopped going out on nites out with the lads over this.They have all rejected her advances and have begged me to start going out with them again and she will see that shes not getting to me and go away.I just dont understand why she is doing this cos i was always good to her and she finished it with me and its starting to get me down. What do ye think i should do? cos i havent had a days peace of mind since she finished it with me two months ago

Wibbs

Jeez talk about a headwrecker. Well luckily your mates can see her for what she is so that's a bonus. I'd agree with your mates, don't let her dictate your social life. Don't give her that power. You'll have to brass it out for a while, but just remember every time she pulls this guff in front of you, let it be a reminder of how lucky an escape you had from her. If she's that much of a numpty, you can be sure she would have continued to be a headwreck if you were still with her.

alibaba12

she sounds a bit mad to be honest and seriously needs to grow up. I would say she is raging you havent tried to get back with her and have ignored her, which is why she is trying her hardest to get your attention however good or bad. your best bet is to get on with your life, get out with your mates, ignore it (at least in front of her), know your mates are there for you & that you have had a very lucky escape. good luck with it. you will see in time that she really isnt what you deserve and there is a million times better for ya out there

kildarelad

Im 24 shes 20 and she can bee very immature. She has my head so wrecked its unreal.Its affecting everything i do and i just want to move away to get away from it. I reckon if she wamted to be my friend which she keeps saying she does she would leave me alone

kildarelad

Shes robbed my confidence and i dont want to be with anyone else after this. I have serious trust issues now and feel very insecure thers nobody i can turn to anymore cos i feel ive lost my friends to her cos they keep hanging out with her

LegacyUser

Can you & your mates go to a different pub / club on the odd night just to know that you'll all have a break from her. What about organising a weekend away with some of your friends and get completely away from the situation for a few days. This should give you a breather & help to put things into perspective for you.

kildarelad

I suppose im lucky to have gotten out but she is very good looking ( and i now know personality counts for alot too) and im afraid she will end up going with one of my friends

LegacyUser

Your mates seem to be supportive of you & if they see the way she's acting I dont think they'd be too quick to jump in there themselves, no matter how attractive she is. If you keep thinking about things like that it'll just do your head in.

alibaba12

your best to forget about here, easier said that done at times but you will have to unfortunately. you have had a lucky escape, good looking or not look at what she has done to you already. if she gets with one of your mates so what it will show you who your mates really are. If you are out seriously ignore her its the only way to get rid of her as soon as she sees she is getting no where with her attempts at getting your attention she will move on to her next target.trust me not all women are like her, she sounds immature to say the least. get out with your mates why not try something different instead of d pub if she is already going to the ones your going too, it will help with your frame of mind not be around her for a while give you time to come to get over her. block her from your bebo page, dont look at hers either, tell your mates you dont want to know anything she has said or done.

kildarelad

She asks my brothers girlfriend what im at the weekends and finds out where im going out and thats how she always ends up in the same places as me. Its a tough one but i reckon if she respected me she would leave me alone

LegacyUser

You should have a chat with your brother and let him know whats going on.

If his girlfriend has any sense she will tell your ex where to get off and how immature she is being. Realistically,all you can ask is that your brothers girlfriend responds with a polite " I dont know what kildarelads plans are"

kildarelad

If his girlfriend has any sense she will tell your ex where to get off and how immature she is being. Realistically,all you can ask is that your brothers girlfriend responds with a polite " I dont know what kildarelads plans are"

My brother has told his girlfriend that he doesnt want my ex out with us but she still comes out cos their friends. The problem is my bro goes out with my exs best friend and my best friend goes out with my exs friend.Were far too intertwined and she always manages to find out where im going. She rang me a week ago saying i was being immature about the whole thing and why wasnt i hanging out with her and ignoring her. She doesnt want me but she doesnt want me to meet anybody else either!

CDfm

I think your brothers girlfriend is being very unfair and as her best friend she should tell her how immature her behavior is.

I think your friends do have the right idea in excluding her from their company and that is what you would hope your brother would do. You are well within your rights to ask your brother that when you go out you would prefer if he sits elsewhere or if it suits to go to different places. His girlfriend should understand.

The easiest way for you to forget your ex is to find somebody else and someone who is more mature.

legend365

Go out and try meet other girls.

If shes there, good! Throw it in her face and maybe she'll get the hint then.

Moomoo1

I frankly don't see why she should be excluded from the people that she probably considers her friends just because of your feelings towards her. Bitching about you is not good, and you should have a word with her about that. Btw, did she give you any reason for her behaviour?

kildarelad

She said she finished it with me because i was moving too fast and i later found out she was meeting up on and off with her ex in the month or two up to the breakup. I dont understand why she is being so mean to me i never was bad too her and treated her really well buying her expensive gifts and bringing her away on weekends which counted for nothing in the end.Ive been excluded from my friends cos shes constantly around. Shes coming onto my friends and im fed up i cant take much more of it my social life is gone cos of it. If she wanted to be my friend she would respect me and leave me alone.

CDfm

OP - your confidence has had a blow but you are on the mend as you can see how her behavior was wrong.

If your brothers girlfriend is her friend and keeps walking you into these ambushes why not ask her was she aware the girl was seeing her ex while dating you. If she was she should have told you and if she wasn't aware they are not that good friends - either way she should not be telling your ex where you are going out to as it is inconsiderate.Its time to cut you space as that is what you need now.

You should go out and meet up with people regardless of her.Maybe even go to another venue with your friends.

The best thing is to ask a girl out so you are not going out on your own and get on the dating ladder.

cat_rant

Sounds like that girl has issues. And draw a line in the sand and tell her in person she is not welcome in your company. And if that means socialising elsewhere then thats what you got to do.....


Your brothers girlfriend needs to respect you on this and separate the time she spends with the guys from the time she spends with her friend. She can socialise with her seperately. I Know a girl who is simularily attractive but a bit of on the deep end. And she cannot stand not being the centre of attention. And this is attention seeking behaviour and you need to be firm and not let it affect you.

Cut her out of your life and if friends choose to bring her into your company warn them and cut them out too if you have too. I did this for a while in a situation and you know what? Real friends find their way back into your life even if it takes a bit of time.

Sounds like your a nice guy and thats why she is trying to pull this crap on you, because she thinks she can get away with it. Be strong, know what you want and don't want in your life and go for it.

I sometimes find that going for a walk or a run when things are up in air often brings clarity of mind. You don't need another girl at the moment, what you need is time to bounce back to yourself and lick the wounds so to speak.

Good LucK

kildarelad

Yea ive been thinking about trying to get out there and try meet somebody totally new. Her friend said she didnt know anything about her meeting up with her ex and im pretty sure they would have got back together only for his current girlfriend became pregnant. Thats why i think shes at me now cos she wants me to chase her and get back with her and why shes looking for attention all the time.I wouldnt go near her after the stunts shes pulled though. I just wish i could have my own space abd be able to go out without getting upset and seeing her score other lads.Its way easier for girls they dont have to do the approaching and risk getting knocked back

cat_rant

I have to say it was actually me who did the asking four years ago and we are still together and live together now. So maybe there is a girl who will approach you if you are single...

Don't go looking for another relationship right now it won't be fair on the person you get involved with if you are still dealing with the current problems.

CDfm

kildarelad wrote: »

Its way easier for girls they dont have to do the approaching and risk getting knocked back

If you look at approaching girls as approaching a friend it might take the pressure off you. You must know some girls that you are friendly with or go to the same places you do so just talk to them.

kildarelad

If you look at approaching girls as approaching a friend it might take the pressure off you. You must know some girls that you are friendly with or go to the same places you do so just talk to them.

I mite try this approach im usually a coward and need a few drinks before i can chat somebody up though

CDfm

kildarelad wrote: »

I mite try this approach im usually a coward and need a few drinks before i can chat somebody up though

Try talking to girls you know when you are out make a point of just going up and saying hello.make small talk like ask them if the have had there hair done as it suits them or tell them whatever they are waring really looks well on them.Just get used to paying compliments, You dont need a few drinks to do that.

if you really are nervous ask them what they are up to for the weekend and if they tell you anything say see you there or pick any local event like the races , funfair , circus or local festival and say you are looking for someone to go with. That means you can be jokey and natural and get chat going.Like just say im looking to go the circus even if she says no you would say well you are such a fun person i thought you would like circuses and then ask what she really likes doing.

Most people get tongue tied so sort have planned dialogue but you need to get doing it.

puglover

OP, TBH I've read your posts and it just doesn't all add up to me. You're ex broke up with you and then spends all of her time trying to get back at you? Posting comments directed at you on Bebo? To the extent that she is finding out where you go at weekends so she can follow you? And trying it on with ALL of your close friends. It doesn't make sense to me

First off, why haven't you deleted her as a friend and/or why are you checking her bebo page?

I think you are obviously very hung up on this girl and are being a bit paranoid about her actions tbh.

You obviously mix in the same social circles, her best friends is your brothers gf, so obviously ye are going to be frequenting the same haunts. OK maybe trying it on with your mates is bad form but from her point of view they are just people in her social circle. From teenage years to early 20's lots of people in large groups of friends/aquaintances tend to get off with each other and it' not unusual for a girl/guy to have scored a couple of people from the same group. It's not fair of you or your brothers to ask her gf not to go out with her friends.

I can tell you if I was your brothers gf and he asked me to treat my best friend like that I would tell him where to go.

OP if you meant so much to her that she would go to these extents then she would not have broken up with you.

I think you need to stop feeling sorry for yourself, realise that it's not all about you, and start getting out there and enjoying life again.

LegacyUser

I agree. Deleting her on bebo asap and then making sure your page is on private is essential. I would arrange with some friends a night away somewhere (As in the lads friends), it doesnt have to be that far away just far enough that it would be arkward to turn up at the last minute. Ask whoevers going to tell their gfs they aren't sure of the plans, that its a lads night out. I dont normally encourage lying but this is just for a reason. It'll give you a chance to go somewhere new, enjoy yourself for a night without her presence. Also why you answered the phone is unknown to me? Change your number and just cut her out of your life. It is that easy!!! I'm from a small town where everyone knows everyone so it can be done. I have no contact with my ex

helimachoptor

OP, it seems you've risen above it. I know its hard but start going out with your mates again and just ingnore this bint.

Jesus Juice

By not showing your face shes getting exactly what she wants.

But if you just ignored her and went on living your life I'm telling you now it will kill her!!

kildarelad

Yea its hard to try get on with things when she does all the crap to try get at me