Fancy a friend

LegacyUser

Okay, here goes. I am thinking of asking a friend out. It's a bit of a strange one and I'm not sure I'm doing the right thing.
After writing it I must warn you…it’s a bit of a silly rant. More to help me in writing it down and getting my thoughts sorted a bit.

Few points of note:
1) The girl isn't a direct friend...she's more a friend of a friend. We do meet out quite a bit though, and if things go array, then it will be awkward.

2) We have a history, all be it a short one. We were living together in the states about 10 years ago. We got on very well for a while and it looked like we were going to hook up. Then this other bunch of girls came along and I went off with one of them. Not sure if she holds it against me.

She has lived abroad pretty much since then until now. I would see her occasionally and ever time I felt a want to talk to her... to be near her. I'm not sure if she felt the same, but she definitely didn't make it easy for me. Now that we are meeting more regularly it has come to the fore again.

3) I find it difficult to read the signs with this girl. I’m normally pretty good at knowing when someone is interested, but I have been getting mixed signals. I also find it hard to chat/flirt casually with her. I’m not sure if it’s just the awkwardness between us. I have this feeling in the back of my head that that would evaporate once we feel more comfortable around each other.

4) Although I like to think of myself as not being shallow, I sometimes am a bit. This girl, although I find her attractive, would not be considered good looking in the conventional sense. I know that shouldn’t matter, but I have a habit of using any excuse to click the self-destruct button.

5) I haven’t had a relationship in about 8 years (nothing over two months). It is my fault. As mentioned above I click the self-destruct button. Not sure why, but there are multitude of excuses. Therefore in all likelihood the same will happen with this girl (if it does get to that stage).

Right, so the “what to do” situation. Normally I would just flirt on a night out and make a move. I have been with loads of friends of friends. No issue. If ye get on then you take it to the next level, if not it’s forgotten about. There’s a bit of awkwardness in the future but that’s fine.
This girl is different though. I can’t find the opportunity with her. My automatic response to that is that she is not giving it to me because she is not actually interested. But then I do get signals too. I can just feel it… if you know what I mean.

So, should I cold call her? Just ring her up and ask her out. That option takes it to a much more serious level immediately. If she says no it will be terrible embarrassing for me as I can’t say I was out having a few drinks and made a move. Everyone will know I asked her out and got the fck off. This will make it very very awkward every time we are in the same company with our friends.


Ah fck, the more I write about this the more I get confused as to what to do. This is about the third time I wrote this ****e down….. and I’m getting nowhere.

It’s funny, every week after a weekend that I met her I’m thinking like this. Every time I consider giving her a call and don’t… tell myself to wait for the next opportunity. Every time that next time comes around and I don’t do anything once more. And even as the time passes again I can feel myself getting less and less inclined to ring her.

LegacyUser

Ah get it done! She obviously likes you and no one needs to know anything, it is between you and her.

If you are getting vibes then go for it, you only live once. You let her go 10 years ago, don't make her wait another 10!

Ring her now!

Go for it! The worst that can happen is she might feel uncomfortable around you for a while. If she stops being friends with you then it's somewhat obvious that she was never really your friend to begin with.

And if all works out well, then you'll have gained everything!!

Best of luck, OP

LegacyUser

If you're putting this much thought into it then you obviously like her a lot. Ask her out! Nothing ventured..

ciagr297

OP - what has prevented you from making a move until now? is it just the possibility of rejection or not knowing if she fancies you?

if she does fancy you, then most likely she is waiting for you to make a move

if not, well, you tried. and you have nothing to regret and you can just move on

danteXXI

girltrouble wrote: »

We got on very well for a while and it looked like we were going to hook up. Then this other bunch of girls came along and I went off with one of them. Not sure if she holds it against me.

I'd say this is your biggest problem and that anything that was there would be gone as a result of this.

LegacyUser

danteXXI wrote: »

I'd say this is your biggest problem and that anything that was there would be gone as a result of this.

That was 10 years ago & I'm sure a lot has happened in both their lives since then.
Go for it OP.

LegacyUser

Unregistered wrote: »

That was 10 years ago & I'm sure a lot has happened in both their lives since then.
Go for it OP.

you'd be surprised how often things like this make the difference

i'm much more suspicious of a guy who tries to score me having worked his way around my circle of friends first

LegacyUser

OP here.

ciagr297 wrote: »

OP - what has prevented you from making a move until now? is it just the possibility of rejection or not knowing if she fancies you?

if she does fancy you, then most likely she is waiting for you to make a move

if not, well, you tried. and you have nothing to regret and you can just move on

Na, I would be quietly confident that she wont reject me. I think it's more a case of not wanting to get into a situation that will be uncomfortable. i.e. me asking her out... going on a date or two and realising that this crush was completely in my head and I don't really like her. Then having to stop seeing her without giving it much of chance. And looking like a dickhead again.

danteXXI wrote: »

I'd say this is your biggest problem and that anything that was there would be gone as a result of this.

Unregistered wrote: »

you'd be surprised how often things like this make the difference

i'm much more suspicious of a guy who tries to score me having worked his way around my circle of friends first

As someone else said, it was 10 years ago. And it wasn't that big a deal. Yes, I started paying her less attention when a group of hot girls came along, but come on... I was 21., and nothing had actually happened between us.
It wasn't a case of working my way through her circle of friends... not sure where you're getting that from.