Problems with Mother

LegacyUser

Hi I am looking for some advice about my mother.
I am in my mid-twenties and living back at home for the shortterm. It wasn't the ideal solution but my parents accepted it. All my siblings happen to be at home this summer(recession). I am not financially dependent on them but cannot contribute much at the moment but I pitch in and do most of the housework.
Things get a little strained when you have people of a range of ages living in close proximity.

For the most part we are happy.
My mother appears to suffer from some anger issues and maybe depression from what I can see. She has always been volatile, laughing one moment and crying the next.
On the one hand she is one of the most generous women on the planet, sacrificing anything for her children and building us up and supporting us. When however her mood swings(usually minor arguments in relation to chores) she can hit the roof shouting, insulting, crying, physical agression and sulking. Now I admit that each of us have our moments but when as a unit we try to tell her the situation is out of hand, she will not accept she has done anything and we are the ones with the problem. The pattern emerging is similar to that of one of her parents.
I don't know how I can improve the situation, at the moment I am treading on eggshells but refusing to back down. Usually I give in though.
Has anyone any similar experiences. What could I do to make her see that she is being unreasonable?

Dizzyblonde

Can you imagine how stressful it is for your mother, having raised a family, to now have you all back as adults under her roof? This is a time when she should be free and able to please herself, and it must be really tough on her. She may also be menopausal, which would definitely complicate things too.
Approaching her 'as a unit' will only make her feel as though you're ganging up on her. It would be far better if you all got together and worked out what you can do to make her life easier - for instance everyone behaving responsibly about helping out and trying to make this time as easy on her as possible.
She should benefit from having extra adults in the house, it shouldn't mean extra work for her. Why don't you take turns cooking for her and taking her out shopping, to the cinema etc? Give something back since you're all still availing of her hospitality.
Spending time with her would also help her to open up if she is stressed or depressed.

Dublin141

Was she like this when you were all children or is it a recent thing?

LegacyUser

It sounds like depression to me OP, exactly how my mother behaved when I was growing up (she's a million times worse now). I remember she would lose the rag over every little thing (toothpaste cap left open, tea-bag left on counter, anything). When I say lose the rag I mean screaming, crying, verbal abuse, tantrums, weeks of silent treatment.

If this sounds familiar to you at all, maybe you should consider talking to her about seeing a doctor, GP would be a good place to start. One thing I've found is people with this mental illness always think their behaviour is totally justified, they think everyone is against them and doing this just to annoy them. They isolate themselves... which makes it worse. Argueing with her and pointing out how irrational she is sadly will not work.

Please encourage her to talk to a professional.